Bombshell
by ZombieJazz
Summary: Olivia and her family experience the Christmas season while grappling with news from Cragen that will have implications for her life, work and family. This is a flash forward and will later be moved/added to Welcome Home when it catches up to this point.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Bombshell**

**Author: ZombieJazz**

**Fandom: Law & Order: SVU**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them. Law and Order SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The characters of Jack and Benji have been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

**Summary: A future chapter of Welcome Home. Olivia and Cragen have a conversation about her sons and her future in SVU. Set around Jack's birthday/Christmas. This is a flash forward and will later be moved/added to Welcome Home when it catches up to this point.**

**Author's Notes: This AU series is for SVU fans and readers who want Olivia to have something that resembles a more normal life outside of work and a family of her own - hopefully somewhat realistically within the canon of SVU. Most of the chapters will ultimately take place outside of the work environment, so there aren't going to be too many references to cases from the show. But this story would generally be starting in about Season 15 of the show. Please let me know what you think and if you distribute elsewhere.**

**WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS FOR READERS OF "WELCOME HOME". THIS IS A FUTURE CHAPTER TO 'WELCOME HOME' THAT WILL BE ADDED WHEN THE STORY CATCHES UP TO THAT POINT IN THE TIMELINE. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ IT OUT OF SEQUENCE — JUST WAIT AND EVENTUALLY THIS WILL APPEAR AS A CHAPTER IN THE WH STORY.**

"He's so funny to watch," Olivia said. "It's hard to believe he's 20 today. There's still so much little boy in him. He was so inexperienced and sheltered in some ways and then in others …," she gave her captain a thin smile and a small shrug.

In other ways her son had been forced to grow up – to become hardened – far too quickly. He'd been hurt too much. He had that pain and anger and those scars. Maybe that's why she clung to the moments where she could see the child in him – or at least she caught glimpses of the joy and happiness and wonderment in him. She liked helping him have those moments too. Even if it was now for a twenty-year-old young man.

"I'm glad he enjoyed it," Cragen provided, giving her a small nod and looking at the rather sad but pretty typical greasy spoon lunch he had in front of him.

Apparently her and Cragen were starting a bit of a tradition where he dragged her out for lunch a few days before Christmas and they had a chat. Only this chat seemed easier and more natural than the previous year. They'd mended a lot of bridges in that time and he also wasn't lecturing her about the state of her life and career – nor near ordering her to take the promotion exam. It sort of made spending some time together – and getting out of the squad room for an hour – a bit more tolerable.

"I think it's about the …", she thought about it for a moment. "Likely the third or fourth meal at a nicer restaurant I've had him out at. He finally didn't look at the menu like it was written in another language."

Cragen gave her a smile. "What'd he manage to order?"

Olivia shrugged at that. "The steak. I think that's what he thinks you're supposed to order when you're at a restaurant. But he enjoyed it. Raved about it. That's all that matters."

"And did he enjoy the show too?" Cragen asked her with a small raised eyebrow before he brought his sandwich back up to his mouth. The steak – without a doubt – was about a thousand times better than the options at the diner, even if Olivia had felt there were better options at the restaurant when they had Jack's birthday dinner.

But she nodded again. She'd likely expressed at some point in the squad room that the Christmas concert tickets – masked as Jack's birthday outing – might go over like a lead balloon. She wasn't even sure how much Benji would enjoy it. But she'd just sort of hoped the spectacle of it all would be enough to win the boys over. Though, Brian hadn't been quite as supportive about that. She actually thought he was going to refuse to join them. Not that Jack likely would've cared either way – but she would've.

Brian kept pushing to get sports tickets. Football, basketball, hockey. He was pretty much willing to go to anything if it meant he and the boys wouldn't have to sit through the Radio City Christmas Spectacular. But Olivia thought that Jack might think sitting through a sports match ranked as worse than the Rockettes. And sports didn't seem all that Christmas-y to Olivia – despite Brian contending they held games around the holidays for a reason. But her kids, her money. She'd plan Jack's birthday and their family Christmas outing the way she wanted. If Brian wanted to spend money on sports tickets and try to wrangle the kids into being excited about going to that – that was his business. He could do it on his own time and credit card.

"He did," she said. "He won't likely admit that. But he loved the theatre. Was amazed. And, both the boys really had their jaw drop moments. I caught them a couple times."

It was true. She hadn't been to the show in decades and it really had been a forced activity on her sons. She knew it wasn't that boy-ish. But it was something that she wanted to do with them. It just seemed like something you were supposed to take your kids to at least once if you had them growing up on the city and wanted to give them a New York Christmas. She thought he'd likely be about her last chance to do it with Jack and she knew the magic of it would work best while Benji was still little. If she waited too many more years he'd be further corrupted by all the other little boys in his class defining for him what were 'boy things' and what were 'girl things' more than he'd already established for himself. She didn't want the show to be deregulated to something that was 'just for girls' to the point that he'd put up a fuss about going and force himself not to enjoy it.

But both Jack and Brian had kept their comments to themselves that afternoon and let Benji be excited about seeing the Christmas show. They'd let him be excited about getting his antler headband when they entered the theatre and his box of popcorn decorated with toy soldiers. Both Jack and Benji had been excited to find their Elf Vision 3D glasses in the program after they'd found their seats. Despite Olivia telling them both that they'd be told when it was time to put them on and that wearing them the entire show was likely going to take away from the show, both her boys had had them on looking like complete goofballs until the lights dimmed. They were a little too excited about them. Jack actually seemed to perk up when he realized the show was going to be in 3D – even if it was only going to be a segment. Though she'd overheard him making some whispered remarks to Brian about what they'd be making 3D on the Rockettes. That at least earned a smile out of Brian – though he'd known better than to participate in that conversation. Olivia forced herself to ignore them and not give him a lecture about objectifying women. She'd instead focused on taking some photos of her boys in their new (color coordinated) clothes bought specifically for their Christmas outing and birthday dinner – and more specifically them looking adorably stupid in their cardboard blue and red lens glasses.

The boys had sat in quiet awe when the giant organs started playing the Christmas carols for a sing-along ahead of the show. Benji had been gleeful at that – enthusiastically singing along. He'd been bouncing around on the hard plastic booster seat that'd been put on the chair for him. But even Jack had leaned over to her and said simply, "Crazy awesome". She wasn't sure he so much meant the carols and the course of little kids shrieking along with them as he did the way the organ music was reverberating through the entire music hall. Because she'd agree with him on that point – it was pretty awesome. At least awesomely loud.

It'd been so long since she'd seen the show that she was pretty transfixed by it herself after it started. As usual, Benji had crawled into her lap shortly after the curtain went up. So she had the opportunity to hear his little sounds of awe, astonishment or astoundment – or to feel him fidget against her and looking up at her with wonder. But she had to remind herself to look over at Jack to see how he was doing too. There were a couple numbers that he looked a little bored but there were others where his mouth was hanging open in slack-jawed amazement and clearly involuntarily smiling. The hundreds of Dancing Santas and the Living Nativity and its parade of animals being among them. And then, of course, there'd been the pure glee from both of the boys when it'd been time to put on the glasses and go on a wild sleigh ride from the North Pole and through New York City with Santa on Christmas Eve combined with the falling snow in the theatre. The special effects and visual trick had even earned a, "They did a good job on pulling that off" from Brian.

All-in-all, the show had been a success. The 90-minutes had just whipped by that it was started and done before they knew it. To the point that when the curtain went down that Jack had even asked if that was just the intermission. There seemed like there was some palpable disappointment when she confirmed it was the end. But they'd taken their time exiting the theatre to enjoy the ambiance a bit more and for Jack to gaze at the architecture and the art of it all.

"Did you end up getting to see the rest of the site?" Cragen asked.

Olivia smiled broadly at that and nodded. "Thanks again for telling me about that promotion. I managed to get the tickets upgraded."

She wasn't sure where or how Cragen had heard about the somewhat secret promotion that Rockefeller Center had that included tickets to the Christmas Spectacular and dinner at one of the fancier restaurants on site as well as the choice of a skate in the rink or a tour of the site. But when he'd caught wind she was taking the boys to the show the weekend ahead of Jack's birthday, he'd alerted her to it – and she was glad he had. It'd taken a few phone calls to find anyone who knew what she was talking about and then some flexibility in the time of their show and the seating of their meal – but she did manage to get them upgraded. And considering how much the show would've cost and a meal in that restaurant (which likely wouldn't have been where they'd eaten – but, again, she was glad they had), she thought they got an excellent deal in the promotion and that it certainly had been a good gift, Christmas outing and memory for both of her sons.

"Even Benjamin's?" Cragen asked with some speculation.

She shrugged. "I had to upgrade the entire party's tickets. He had Brian to be bored with. They both behaved."

Cragen smiled at that. "Jack enjoyed it?"

Olivia gave him a more sincere nod. "He loved it."

"Not too touristy?"

She shrugged. It likely was a tour that was designed to be touristy. But it would've been more touristy if they'd done the skating – which they didn't. The whole objective was to let Jack walk around the Rockefeller Center and to learn about the history and the building project and the architecture that made up the complex. Olivia wasn't sure how many tourists would really be interested in that – especially when it involved some wandering around outside in late December looking at the various gardens and courtyards and squares. She didn't doubt that at other times of the year it might be busier (and much more beautiful to the point that she thought it might be worth redoing at some point in the future with all the tourists) but their group was a small size. There were about three other families and a couple couples grouped with them. A very reasonable group to be navigating the area with and to still be able to see what there was to be seen and to hear the guide.

"It was a mix of people. Jack didn't care. He was really engaged. He had so many questions for the tour guide. He had lots of little commentary for me when we were walking around. He just knows so much about this stuff. He's so into it. I learned a lot."

Cragen glowed a bit at that and gave her a small nod.

Olivia let out a little sigh. "It's hard to see how into it he is, how much he knows about it all, the way he lights up. Even just how talented he is with his drawing and art. To see his assignments and what he produces. How absorb he gets in his work when he's got it out on the dining room table on the weekend. And all the questions and commentary he has at things like on the weekend. And then in the next breathe to hear him talking about walking about from architecture."

Cragen gave her a thin smile. "He's a young man. He's just exploring his options."

She sighed and rubbed at her eyebrow, stabbing at her salad. "I know. I want him to be able to explore his options. To do it now. But he's just so talented and so bright."

"He is," Cragen nodded. "And he'll be able to apply those talents and that intelligence in other fields too – if that's what he decides."

She looked up at Cragen and shrugged. "I just can't see him lighting up about … law … Not like he does about buildings and drawing and architecture and art."

"He can still light up about all those things if they aren't his career," Cragen put to her.

"I know," she sighed again. "I just would like to see him doing something he enjoys."

"You don't think he'll enjoy law school?"

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Some of the people law school attracts. Lawyers. Can you see Jack fitting in there? Being in that environment? Becoming one of them?"

"Can you see Jack working in an architecture firm?" Cragen put back to her.

Olivia rubbed her eyebrow and pushed around more of her salad. "No," she admitted. "But I think if he gave his program more of a chance – if he did let himself finish out the urban design aspect of it – I do think I can see him working in certain aspects of that. He gets very passionate when he talks about revitalizing space and reclaiming space and utilizing it in different ways – especially for kids and at risk youth. And I do think there are jobs in that. Ways he can position himself to work with organizations in those areas and on those kinds of projects and efforts. And organizations that would be thrilled to have the kind of background and expertise he's developing." She paused. "If he finishes his degree."

"He's talking about not finishing out his degree?" Cragen said with a touch of concern.

She let out a slow breath. "He's studying for his LSAT. Already. So he's talking about finishing out his undergrad. But to be able to get his architecture certification, he needs to do a fifth year. I'm not sure if it's just a general arts degree he gets if he does the fourth year and goes on to law school. But to get into this urban design field he talks about, he was going to have to complete his masters. Now it sounds like he's not even considering that as an option anymore."

"He could always go back and do his fifth year or his graduate studies if he decided law school wasn't for him," Cragen suggested.

Olivia made a sound but didn't offer any comment.

"You have to let him live his own life and make his own choices and mistakes, Olivia," he provided.

She gave him a small nod and a little shrug. "It's just hard. He's one a architecture isn't worthwhile and it isn't helping people kick. He thinks he'd be able to 'make a difference' with law."

Cragen gave her a thin smile. "That likely says something about the kinds of adults he has around him. He's emulating what he sees. You've had him pretty surrounded by cops and lawyers."

"And I don't particularly want either of my sons to be a cop or a lawyer," she said. "Benji's five and I already spend too much time praying that his firefighter thing is a phase and not a career choice."

"And you're mother probably didn't want you to be in the NYPD either," Cragen put flatly.

"She didn't," Olivia agreed with a snort.

"And how'd that turn out?"

She allowed a louder laugh and shook her head. They both knew how that turned out. For better or worse – here she was.

"So what's that tell you?" Cragen asked.

"Maybe that it is every mother's duty to try to convince their child to do something productive with their lives," she said drily.

"I think you've lead a productive life," Cragen said, "whether your mother approved of your career choice or not."

She gave him a thin smile for that effort. "I just hope that he gives his program a chance. They're just starting to get to stream into their area of interest this year. I hope he starts to see the opportunities and the career choices and what he'll really be able to do with his degree. Maybe get an internship with a non-profit or something this summer to get exposed to that area of it … before he jumps head first in a completely different direction that might be an even worse fit."

Cragen watched her for a moment. "He needs to make his own choices," he said flatly and they paused, looking at each other for some time. "He's got lots of people in his life to support him and guide him whatever choice he makes."

"It'd be nice if they all kept nudging him toward architecture and urban design," Olivia put back to him. But she knew that was hard.

Cragen was right in a way. Her boys were surrounded by boys. They were surrounded by lawyers. The strong, dominant people in their lives – men and women – were all in those fields. Her, Alex, Brian, Cragen, even Nick's presence. It was almost unavoidable that both the boys would take notice, ask questions and consider those career choices at some point in their lives.

She supposed she'd hoped that Jack was grown up enough and established enough in his own personality and interests that those sorts of considerations weren't something she'd have to deal with. But given his trauma as a teenager and his experience with the legal system – and its failures – his observations of her and her work and Alex and her work and everyone around him and who they were and what they did – the questions had started and they'd only grown since his adoption had gone through.

He wanted to help kids like him. He wanted to make things better for them. He didn't want them to have to deal with what he went through. He wanted them to have a place and to be safe too. That wasn't something that architecture was going to do. That's something that Mom and Aunt Alex did. That's something that Brian and Captain Cragen did. That's something they had the power to do – in Jack's option.

Olivia wasn't sure she really agreed with him on any of those fronts. She wasn't sure how effective any of them were at their jobs. How many people they were ever able to truly save or help. How effective the justice system ever was. If they played a meaningful role in any of it or they were just more pawns in it all. And, she really didn't agree that he wouldn't be able to help kids and give them a place with his architecture degree. Maybe not with an architecture degree but if he continued to pursue his urban design ambitions and positioned himself carefully – if he kept exploring opportunities with non-profits and educating himself on public policy and navigating the bureaucracy – she thought he might be able to help more people than he really had the capabilities to understand at that point.

But Cragen just gave her a thin smile and looked back to his meal again for a moment. "And they took you up top too?" he asked, trying to shift her away from dwelling on her son's future – and choices that weren't hers to make – and to focus on the nice day she'd had with him.

She nodded and allowed herself to give him a bigger smile. "Yep. We were up on a few of the different floors. But the tour ended with us getting to go up to the Top of the Rock. That was a little touristy but Jack was amazed. He hadn't been had a chance to get the aerial view of the city yet."

Cragen looked up at her from his meal. "Really?"

She nodded again. "First time," she said. "I hadn't realized either. I figured with his schoolwork or his own interest he would've been up some vantage point by now. But he's been up a few of the various office towers and skyscrapers for different class visits but this was the first touristy, city landmark he's been up."

Cragen still looked surprised. So she just continued. She thought she might be more excited about getting to watch Jack's reaction than her son was about the site. But he'd been pretty excited about the site. If anything, Olivia thought watching her son had been proof of just how much he should finish what he'd started with his architecture pursuit and not go dabbling too far into law.

Jack had been near giddy while they were waiting for the various elevators and escalators. He'd spent along time in the little museum section before they started their decent. He'd made them all sit through the introductory movie. And, there was clear nervous anticipation in him as they opened the glass doors and got out on the viewing platform.

"He was pretty gob smacked," Olivia provided. "We were up there for quite a while. We actually got to see the sunset and all the city light up. I think it even managed to impress Brian."

Cragen let out a small laugh and gave a little smile at that.

"Getting to see the Empire State Building – all lit up for Christmas - and the Chrysler Building from up there was pretty spectacular too. Jack was blabbering. And the bridges. He was very excited to spot and count out the bridges."

"And Benjamin co-operated?" Cragen clarified again.

Olivia shrugged. "He did really well for a little boy. Having Brian there to help made it easier. He did most of the Benji wrangling so I could stay with Jack and so he could enjoy it as long as they wanted. They had a sitting area inside with some coloring and Lego and blocks. So they went in there when he got cold and the whining really started. Jack was happy to stay out there until he was really shivering and I was starting to get concerned we were going to miss our sitting at the restaurant."

Cragen laughed again at that. "At least you got a meal to warm you up after that."

"We did. Really nice meal. We all got the soup to warm up. And Jack spotted peppermint hot chocolate on the menu about as soon as it was handed to him."

Cragen smiled at that and shook his head. "Next year he'll be wanting you to buy him more than a hot chocolate," he said.

Olivia sighed and rubbed at her eyebrow. "I know. It's crazy. How'd I end up with a 20-year-old son?"

He gave her a thin smile. "The right way. For you."

She nodded. "He wanted to go in the Lego Store when we were leaving. So that was a good reminder that he's not quite as grown-up as he thinks."

Cragen gave her a small laugh and a genuine smile again.

"It's becoming a bit of a tradition," she said after reflecting for a moment. "We ended up in there after looking at the tree last year too."

"They making sure Santa knows their list?" Cragen suggested.

She snorted. "Maybe. But Santa had their Lego wishes covered weeks ago. Or so she thought. Ended up spotting these special edition stocking stuffer sets while we were in there. So Brian got to go stand in line while I distracted them with letting them argue over filling a 'special edition' ornament with bricks and mini figures. So the Lego store ended up clawing more money out of Santa at the last minute. The pricing of that stuff is just ridiculous."

Cragen gave her a small smile. "Santa's bringing Lego?" There seemed to be some concern and a small hesitation to his voice. She considered it a moment.

"Benji asked for another fire truck set and I got Jack a small set to put out too. He enjoys it too."

"One of the architecture sets?" Cragen inquired.

She eyed him again and gave her head a small shake. "No," she allowed. "It's a car set this year. Santa brought him one of the architecture sets last year."

"Didn't like it?"

She gave him a little sigh. "Captain, you really don't need to buy them anything. They're excited that they get to see you tonight. That's gift enough."

He gave a small shrug at that. "The Rockefeller Center set?" he asked instead of commenting on her statement.

"It was the Empire State Building," she provided softly.

He gave a little nod. "And not a great set?"

She rubbed her eyebrow. "He seemed to enjoy it. He has it on display in his dorm room."

He nodded again and looked back to his meal.

"Don, you really don't need to feel like you have to buy them gifts," she stressed gently again.

"I brought a gift to Benjamin's party," Cragen provided flatly and then put food in his mouth, so as to end that conversation.

Olivia wasn't about to let it end that easily. "It's not a party," she said.

"It's his birthday," Cragen put back to her when he swallowed.

"And he's very happy to have you and Eileen and Alex joining us for cake tonight. You only need to bring yourselves."

"A little late for that now," Cragen said and gave her serious eyes. She wasn't winning – and he wasn't going to return an already purchased gift or treat her older boy any differently than he had her younger son.

She let out a small sigh. "Well, I hope that's all you're bringing."

"It is Christmas," he put back to her.

She eyed him. "Not yet."

"I think we can be flexible on those two days," he said.

She let out a quiet noise again. Her boys were getting spoiled that Christmas. It was abundantly clear that they'd accumulated people around them who cared about her family and her boys. Who wanted to help her – both with the expense of the boys and the holidays – and in ensuring they had a nice day. Not just Christmas Day but as many nice days as possible. Her boys were going to have more presents under the tree that year – that much was clear. It wasn't just her who was buying for them. Alex was, Brian was, now apparently Cragen was, and Brian had said something that had indicated that his mother would be bringing over 'something small' for the boys when she joined them for Christmas dinner. Nick had told her that Zara had picked out something for Benji too.

She didn't want the boys to be overwhelmed. She knew how Benji was with too many gifts. And even though Jack got a bit more excited about receiving presents she also had seen the guilt and the insecurity in him – like he was somehow unworthy – when he was allowed to open them. So she was trying to keep the number of gifts and the expense of them to a minimum. She'd tried to stress to everyone exactly how she felt about that. She'd put most of her emphasis on telling Brian and Alex that she didn't want them to go crazy. That if they insisted on getting the boys something that she'd really appreciate if it was only one gift and that it wasn't extravagant and that it was somewhat practical. She thought – hoped – they'd been listening to her. Though they'd both also handed her items for the boys' stockings, which she thought was their way of trying to get around her imposed rules.

Olivia hadn't thought that she needed to have a chat with Cragen too about Christmas. Or about Jack's birthday. She supposed she should've known. His gift to Benji at his birthday had been the run-away winner of the season. He'd likely set the bar pretty high for him to ever try to match that level of excitement. And, he really shouldn't feel like he had to. Not at other birthdays and not at Christmas. But apparently it was too late for that now.

"Well, you aren't going to see them on Christmas," Olivia provided.

It was the only counter she could think of at the time in an attempt to get him to feel less like he had to be spending his money on her children. To try to get him to see that him spending time with them was enough. It was a gift for them and it was a gift to her. And she so appreciated it. He didn't need to do anything more than that.

But her wording choice had been wrong – and his face fell.

"More reason to bring their gifts over tonight," he said and looked back to his meal yet again.

Olivia sighed inwardly. "We all understand why you won't be over on Christmas Day, Captain," she said. "And, again, the boys are very excited to have you over tonight. It's still you coming over for Christmas."

He allowed a little nod and continued to chew his sandwich.

"Does it look like Christmas is shaping up to be fun for you?" she tried to change the subject. "Spending it with Eileen's grandchildren should be nice. Meeting her children?"

It seemed like a big step. Somehow. At least for Cragen. She supposed that Brian's mother would be spending part of the day with them but it didn't seem like much of a step to her. But Cragen meeting Eileen's family and spending Christmas Eve and Day with them? That seemed like a much bigger deal than having Brian's mom over for a meal.

"They're teenagers," Cragen provided flatly.

She shrugged. "So's Jack."

"Not anymore," he said.

She gave him a small smile at that. "It will be nice to get out of Manhattan for a couple days," she suggested instead.

"It sounds like it will be very busy," he said.

Olivia didn't know the details of it. Cragen kept most of his relationship with Eileen pretty close to his chest. But she'd been told enough to know that they'd be spending Christmas Eve with her son and his family before driving over to her daughter's for brunch on Christmas Day and spending part of the afternoon there. The only reason she'd been told that much was because Cragen had advised her that they would try to stop into her apartment if they had time while they traversed from wherever the son lived on Long Island to wherever the daughter lived in Nyack. He hadn't seemed particularly hopeful that the stars were going to align to allow the drop-in. But she'd understood. And, really, her boys could see Cragen almost any day of the year. They didn't need to see him on Christmas Day. The invitation had been more for his sake – or so she told herself. And, he clearly had other plans and wasn't going to be alone. And, that was the important part and she was happy for him. He and Eileen could come over for dinner and a visit with the kids another time, she'd assured him. And now they were – ahead of Christmas and for Jack's birthday. It was fine.

"I think for a lot of people being busy is part of Christmas," Olivia suggested.

"It's just not what I'm used to at Christmas," he put flatly.

She understood that. And she also understood he was likely feeling very nervous to meet her family, especially on such an 'important' day of the year. She hoped he calmed and it went well for him. She really wanted that for him. And he deserved to have a nice day. And to have this relationship work out into whatever he wanted it to be.

"Well, I hope it works out better than you expect," she offered.

He gave her a thin smile at that. "Have you made plans for your time off?" he asked, again clearly shifting topics.

She'd booked all the way from Christmas Eve until January 2 off and she didn't feel guilty about it in the least. She'd worked more holidays over the years than she could count. It'd been an insanely busy year and though the vacation in the summer had been nice – it had been just as busy, if not more so. This was the first time she'd have time off work when the boys were out of school that wasn't a weekend or an emergency. She was absolutely looking forward to just bumming around the apartment and catching up on life and enjoying the company of her kids. And that was despite Nick informing her that the week between Christmas and New Year's was an awful time to spend time with your children – apparently too crazy in his opinion. Too hyped up from Christmas and then too exhausted, over sugared and dealing with the let-down of the holidays never being quite what they were cracked up to be. Olivia thought that might be true of other kids – and though she didn't doubt that her sons would chip away at her patience, annoy her, bicker, argue, fight and whine – she still couldn't think of a better way to spend her week. It was exactly what she wanted to end out the year. The boys and her family for all they were and all they weren't. Perfectly imperfect and aggravatingly awesome.

So she just shrugged at Cragen. "I'm not sure. Just catch up on life and around the apartment. We'll likely go out and do some sort of activities but …" she just shrugged. She had no idea what. Well, she had lots of ideas – but it would really depend on how all of them were feeling. "Brian's got a few days off too," she offered instead. "But Jack's scheduled to work a couple."

Cragen nodded. "I actually wanted to talk to you a little bit about work," he said.

She let out an exasperated sigh and looked at him. "I'm not taking Fin's on-call," she said. "I already told him that. I'm sorry he can't drink on New Year's Eve – but he can get over it."

He'd already badgered her about it. She thought she'd made herself clear. She'd taken a few of his on-calls lately because of how understanding he'd been over the course of the year. But she wasn't doing New Year's. She was clear with all of them – she was taking the whole holiday period that year. She'd filed the paperwork. She put in the request well ahead of time. She had the seniority. She was sorry it sucked for them or if they felt it was greedy – but she'd worked through the holidays last year and picked up on-calls. She'd worked every holiday for everyone for years. She was taking this one – and next year, they could talk about it and work it out and she wouldn't take the whole week then. But this year she was. End of story. And, she was a little pissed that Fin had seen fit to take the issue back to the captain.

"Not about that," he said and looked at her.

"Oh," she said and eyed him.

"I wanted to make sure you knew I hit mandatory in February," he said.

She gaped at him at that. She was sure her jaw had dropped. She didn't know that. She had thought they had another year with him – maybe two. She thought Cragen would decide when he left. That he'd retire on his own terms – not that his birthday would force him out.

"Mandatory?" she finally managed.

He gave a small nod and those sympathetic eyes.

"So you're leaving in February?"

"That tends to be how it works," he said. They eyed each other for another long moment. "Depending on how things are going in the New Year, I might leave sooner."

"Sooner?" she managed to get out. She was just at a standstill as her mind processed this. She hadn't spent much time planning what her job would look like when Cragen was gone. She didn't think she had to yet. She thought she had more time. More time to get her family settled. To settle into her role as a lieutenant – those new duties and responsibilities, how it changed her job. More time to figure out if this was a job she could do while she raised her family. If she even wanted to. She thought she had more time.

He gave her a small shrug. "Depending on how things are going," he said again. "Maybe the end of January."

Olivia just stared at him in disbelief. "January?"

"Eileen has a cruise booked," he said quietly. "I'd like to go too. They pay me more to be gone than to stay."

Olivia let out a sound and put down her fork, running her hand through her hair. She didn't know how to react. She knew she should congratulate him. That she should be happy for him on some level. But she felt like she'd just been hit by a truck. It felt like this changed everything.

"Nothing changes, expect that has to, Olivia," Cragen said as though he'd just read her mind.

She gazed at him. "So what happens?" she asked.

He let out a slow breath and gave a small shrug. "I'll recommend that you be placed as Acting Commanding Officer. Assuming everything goes well – and it's what you want – it should be made official within a few months."

"So I command the squad?" she clarified.

"If that's what you want," he said again.

"I'm behind a desk?"

"You can shape your command to look the way you see fit, Olivia," Cragen said. "But restricting yourself to the desk and the paperwork would likely help make being a C.O. suit your home life a bit better."

She rubbed at her eyebrow and gazed at her plate. She wouldn't be finishing her meal at that point. She wasn't even sure how she was going to finish that conversation.

"I didn't mean to drop this on you before the holidays," Cragen finally said. "I just wanted you to have the time to process it and prepare. And, I thought you might be able to do that better while you were away from the job."

She gave a small nod but couldn't bring herself to look up. "Thank you," she said softly. But all she could think was, 'What am I going to do? What now?'

What did she tell the boys? What did she tell Brian? What did all this mean? And what did she even want?

It wasn't supposed to happen this way.

**I HAVE TWO OTHER DISCONNECTED 'CHRISTMAS' CHAPTERS FROM THE WELCOME HOME TIMELINE THAT COULD BE POSTED NOW OR COULD JUST BE HELD UNTIL THE STORY CATCHES UP AND THEY CAN BE INSERTED AS CHAPTERS.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: Bombshell**

**Author: ZombieJazz**

**Fandom: Law & Order: SVU**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them. Law and Order SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The characters of Jack and Benji have been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

**Summary: A future chapter of Welcome Home. Olivia and Cragen have a conversation about her sons and her future in SVU. Set around Jack's birthday/Christmas. This is a flash forward and will later be moved/added to Welcome Home when it catches up to this point.**

**Author's Notes: This AU series is for SVU fans and readers who want Olivia to have something that resembles a more normal life outside of work and a family of her own - hopefully somewhat realistically within the canon of SVU. Most of the chapters will ultimately take place outside of the work environment, so there aren't going to be too many references to cases from the show. But this story would generally be starting in about Season 15 of the show. Please let me know what you think and if you distribute elsewhere.**

**WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS FOR READERS OF "WELCOME HOME". THIS IS A FUTURE CHAPTER TO 'WELCOME HOME' THAT WILL BE ADDED WHEN THE STORY CATCHES UP TO THAT POINT IN THE TIMELINE. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ IT OUT OF SEQUENCE — JUST WAIT AND EVENTUALLY THIS WILL APPEAR AS A CHAPTER IN THE WH STORY.**

Olivia smiled as she sat on the dining room chair that had been pulled into the living room for extra seating watching her two boys sitting on the couch both of them scrapping at their plates and licking repeatedly at their forks like they'd never had chocolate cake before. Benji had the cake and ice cream smeared in near chocolate lipstick all over his mouth and even Jack looked like he was having to lick at his lips to clean them each time he dragged the fork through his mouth again.

She let out a small laugh at shook her head, looking away as her son realized she was watching him and gave her a questioning look.

"What?" he asked.

Olivia just shrugged. "Nothing," she provided but caught Alex's eye and gave her a smile. Alex was watching the show too – though possibly with a little more abject horror than Olivia.

But Olivia thought that the woman should take her sons' enthusiastic consumption of the cake as their sincere seal of approval. Auntie Alex had done it again with bringing over the Devil's Food Cake with chocolate butter cream icing. She'd earned very clear brownie points in the eyes of the boys when it came to baking. And given the choice of Olivia ordering cupcakes again or having Aunt Alex bake him a cake – Jack had hardly given any thought to the matter. It'd been an instantaneous reply. He wanted Alex's baking. And chocolate mint ice cream – not candy cane for his birthday cake, a very important clarification. Though, she'd still had to buy candy cane because apparently he NEEDED to have that with his Christmas dinner dessert. She'd made an annoyed sound at him – really the absurdity of the request and the differentiation he was making between chocolate mint ice cream versus candy cane ice cream (which were pretty much the same level of grossness in her mind). But it was the birthday order. So he got it honored. And he was clearly enjoying it.

Jack eyed her with some suspicion. He clearly knew he was being made fun of but he wasn't quite sure if he was being mocked.

"Do you want more?" she put to him pointedly, trying to distract him from his self-examination of what she might be thinking.

Jack had actually been a little quiet that night. She wasn't sure if he might have caught on to some of the quiet tension that was resting between her and Cragen or if it might be more that he was being a little bashful around Eileen. It was only the third time he'd met the woman and really just the second time he'd had the opportunity to talk to her. Possibly the first time he'd actually had to form more than a few words around her. The other possibility was that Jack might've been too distracted by getting to stuff his face with his requested fajita dinner that he hadn't had opportunity to talk much either. It seemed that Alex had taken the brunt of the conversation from him when he had managed to find a few minutes between mouthfuls. He was getting all the details on Christmas dinner as well as interjecting many requests and opinions on the matter. As well as outlining for Alex how badly Olivia and Benji had burnt their attempt at baking sugar cookies on the weekend and indicating his hope that she was bringing over holiday cookies on Christmas Day because, "We might as well eat coal if we're eating Mom and Jamin's."

Olivia had caught that comment and given him a look. "Careful," she warned him. "Or you won't just be eating 'coal' – you'll be getting it in your stocking too."

He'd rolled his eyes at her. Her grown up son was not any where near as grown up as he thought. But she was finding it endlessly amusing to watch him think he was quite the adult now that he'd graduated from his teens. It'd likely be even more amusing next year when they marked his 21st – especially if he was still requesting fajitas, chocolate cake and mint ice cream as his birthday dinner. Very mature and sophisticated.

"I want more!" Benji interjected before Jack had a chance to even respond.

Olivia had given her small son a little smile. "It's Peedg's birthday," she told him. "He gets to decide if he wants to share seconds with everyone."

Jack got a thoughtful pucker at that, like he really had to think about it. She could tell he was likely thinking that he really wanted to keep what was left all to himself. But he eventually glanced at the other adults in the room.

"Does anyone else want more?" he asked.

Cragen shook his head. "I think I'm full," he provided.

Eileen gave a little nod in agreement beside him. "Me too. But it was delicious," she said and offered Alex a small smile, which was returned.

Brian stood at that point and began retrieving people's plates for him.

"Are you going to have another piece?" Jack asked him, as he took his plate.

Brian shook his head, as he bent to retrieve Benji's and add it to the pile too. "I'm going to digest a bit, Kid. Maybe later. If you haven't devoured it."

Jack sighed and looked back to Olivia. She gave him a thin smile.

"It's your birthday cake, sweetheart," she assured him. "Have another piece if you want. Or it will still be there later tonight or tomorrow."

He slumped back into the couch a bit. "Yeah, I guess."

She shook her head and rolled her eyes as Brian took her plate as the last on his circuit around the living room and retreated into the kitchen to rinse them off.

"Don't pout," she told him. He groaned at her. "Have a second piece, Jack," she told him.

"Not if no one else is," he said.

"I have another piece, PEEDG!" Benji provided and sat up looking at him.

"Later," Jack muttered.

Olivia moved and sat down on the couch next to her boys, giving him a pat on the knee. "It will still be there later. You'll enjoy it more when you aren't stuffed."

"Meh," he muttered.

She just gave him a small nudge and a little smile. She actually thought some of his quietness had a bit to do with him being 20 and feeling like an adult and maybe not quite being ready to be an adult yet. He likely was starting to feel like he was getting old. She probably hadn't helped that. She'd teased him a bit about it. All the while in the back of her mind she was thinking about how old having a 20-year-old son made her feel. How long ago being 20 years old felt. How grown up she'd thought she was at 20 and how young she now knew she really was. How grossly immature and unprepared for life and the world – no matter how mature and prepared that she thought she was. She was probably more mature and more prepared than most at that age – but she was still just a kid. Just like Jack.

Olivia was actually happy, though, to have Jack in his minor shyness and sulkiness to deal with that night. Getting home and focusing on getting him to perk up, readying dinner and tidying the apartment for their guests had kept her focused on the present and not stewing about her conversation with Cragen that afternoon. Because she knew if she didn't have the distraction she'd be dwelling. She'd be processing and reprocessing and falling down into some rabbit hole to try to figure out how to work this out, what was best for the kids and her family, and just what she wanted to do. But she didn't have the time to think about it right now. She had to get them through Jack's birthday and then Christmas. She needed to make it a nice few days for the boys. She needed to live up to the commitments she'd made to their company and guests. She could sort out the rest on her own time. When she had time to think and process. Time to talk some of it out with others – Brian and Alex. She'd likely even want to have some discussion with Jack about it. But not yet. Not now.

Still, it had been a little hard to have that conversation and then go back into the squad room for the afternoon. It was even harder to then open her apartment door and welcome Cragen and Eileen into her home that evening. As much as she knew she should be happy for him – for the achievement of making it through that many years with the NYPD, for his retirement, for the fact he was in a relationship, for the fact he was getting to go and spend time with his partner and do something relaxing and fantastic – that he absolutely deserved. But she still felt a little blindsided. She was feeling a little self-absorbed and focused on what this meant to her and her family. Though, even in that it'd also occurred to her that even beyond the work context this was going to have implications for her and her family.

Cragen was part of her boys' lives now. He was a part of her life. She wanted to keep it that way. She wanted the boys to have him around – especially Jack. He needed a man like Cragen in his life to talk to and to guide him. So even though she wasn't happy with the conversation and the announcement – even though she felt a little like a bombshell had been released next to her – she was going to have to do what she needed to to make sure her sons continued to have a relationship with him. And that included he and Eileen being there that night for her oldest's birthday.

"Want to open some of your presents?" she suggested.

Jack sat up a little straighter at that and gazed at the small pile on the coffee table.

"There's so many," he said quietly.

She gave his back a little rub. It wasn't that many. He'd ended up with three birthday presents from her (and Benji) – just like he had the previous year and just like Benji had in the fall. But when they were set on the table with gifts from Brian, Alex and Cragen the pile was starting to look a little bigger. She knew it was getting into the realm that both of her boys were intimidated by. The awkwardness and insecurity about receiving anything that still rested in them. The unworthiness that they somehow didn't deserve gifts. That they weren't allowed to have things that they needed or wanted. But for both her boys she knew there were so many things they both still needed or wanted. They more than had their basic necessities covered at that point. But it didn't mean that Olivia often still didn't feel like she was playing catch up in getting them established and settled. Even more than a year into being a mother there were constantly little things coming up that she realized her sons needed or they needed in the apartment to function better or that they outgrew or destroyed and needed replaced. Yet, having the things laid out in front of them in wrapping paper didn't seem to make it any easier for either of the boys to accept them.

She was really starting to get concerned about what Christmas morning was going to look like again. But she'd already just accepted that it was likely going to be another extended affair. She'd warned Brian as much – to not expect the boys to be ripping through their presents or for whatever gift he brought to be opened in any sort of expedient manner. But he'd shrugged it off, indicating that he'd expected as much considering it'd taken Benji about a week to get to opening his birthday present and he'd near had to be bribed into opening the gift he'd brought the previous Christmas. So that was a relief – because she'd been a little nervous about being on display with Brian there that morning. Hopefully he remained as understanding and laidback about it as he seemed to be in the lead up to the holiday.

Still, every time she walked by the tree – since placing the gifts under it on the weekend – she was finding herself doing a mental calculation in her head and wondering if she should remove some of the gifts. If it was going to take too long or be too overwhelming. The amount of stuff under the tree looked far more expansive than the previous year – even though it was only her and the boys who'd placed presents under the tree so far. But they'd bought for other people too. There was a couple gifts for Alex and for Brian. And a gift Cragen. And Zara. It seemed like a lot. It certainly was far more than Olivia was ever used to seeing under a tree. She thought it must've been far more than Jack was used to seeing too because she'd caught him gazing at the gifts while he was sitting in the dining room eating his morning cereal. She'd even seen Eileen looking at the pile for what seemed like a moment too long when she'd gone and placed the gifts Cragen had brought for the boys under the tree. It really made her feel self-conscious about it.

But then there was the opposite in Alex who'd looked at the tree when she'd arrived and asked if she hadn't gotten around to finishing her wrapping yet. Olivia had gazed at the tree at that.

"No," she'd said. "That's everything. Expect what Santa brings and their stockings."

Alex had looked at the tree a moment longer. "Santa bringing a bunch of toys this year?"

Olivia had gazed at her. Alex had been with her on one of her shopping excursions. But Brian had been with her on the other where she'd hit out some toy departments in some of the box stores in other boroughs. She'd finished off the shopping on her own on a couple lunch breaks.

"Ah, no," Olivia said. "Benji was allowed to ask for a toy and a back-up toy."

Alex had nodded, though her eyes had remained under the tree. "Has Jack done his wrapping yet?"

"Umm …" Olivia said and bent over looking at one of the gifts that had her name on it from the boys. "I think he's done."

"And Brian?"

"He's just bringing his gifts over on Christmas," Olivia said.

"Ahhhh," Alex said and nodded more heartedly at that.

Olivia eyed her. "He's only supposed to be getting the boys one thing each," she clarified sternly since she got the sense that "ahhhhh" meant some sort of revelation that Alex shouldn't be getting.

"Oh," Alex had stated flatly.

It really made Olivia suddenly feel like her worry that there might be too much under the tree settle in with that there might be too little. Maybe that's what Eileen had been looking at too.

But she hoped that wasn't the case. She hoped that she was right in that all families did Christmas differently. That it was the thought and the generosity of giving and sharing that meant more. Sharing the day together. That it wasn't about giving her children a haul of gifts. That she knew what her sons needed – and she also knew what they could handle. She thought she'd found a balance of both. Covering some of their bases off, giving them a couple fun things, and not completely overwhelming them – nor blowing her budget for a single day of the year. But maybe it did look a little Spartan under the tree.

A conversation with Jack on Sunday night gave her some hope that maybe that wasn't the case. He and Benji had been off in the bedroom – she assumed wrapping her gift(s) – earlier in the day. But Jack had requested taking up space in her bedroom while she was getting Benji for bed. She'd already settled in the living room when he'd emerged carrying a small armful of wrapped gifts that she assumed where for Benji or items that he just didn't want to involve the little boy in wrapping so he could speed through at a faster clip. He'd disappeared to the opposite side of the couch to deposit them under the tree before flopping on the couch next to her. He'd given her a smile. She'd returned it but he seemed to be laughing with his eyes.

"Four gifts each," he said, when she eyed him. "I saw. Counted. When I was putting them under."

"Ah," she said. But she wasn't sure she liked the idea of him counting presents.

But he just smiled more. "Same as last year," he said. "You gave us four."

She looked at him. "I did," she agreed.

He nodded and smiled like he'd just solved some mystery of the universe. "And I bet one's a book and one's clothes," he said.

She eyed him a bit more at that. "You aren't supposed to be shaking the presents, Jack," she said.

He rolled his eyes at her. "I didn't. I just picked up a couple to move them a bit to put those ones under. One just looks like a book."

"Ah," she said and shook her own head at him.

"And I think you've got like a gift-giving method," he said.

She snorted and examined him. "Is that so?"

He nodded heartedly and smiled. "Yep. Four gifts. One's a book and one's clothes. I haven't figured out the pattern of the other two yet. But I bet I will after I open them."

"They're gifts, Jack. They aren't a puzzle."

He shrugged. "I know. You're just predictable. I know what to expect."

She eyed him more at that. She wasn't sure how to respond to that. But he just kept looking at her.

"I like that," he said. "A lot."

She allowed herself to smile at that and reached and gave him a small rub on the back of his shoulder blade. "I know," she said.

And, she did know. It was part of the reason she did it. Stability. Predictability. Routines. Patterns. Knowing exactly what to expect. It was what her boys needed. It was what they liked. It was what let them function at normal capacity as a family. What was under the tree was enough – it was likely going to be more than enough. Too much.

"Hmm," she allowed, in joining Jack in his eyeing of the birthday gifts on the coffee table. "Should we have someone else open them then?"

He cast her a thin smile. "No …" he allowed.

"Here, open this one," Alex suggested, stepping forward and pushing one of the gifts on the table toward Jack. "Good practice one. Nothing too exciting."

Jack gave her a wryly smile at that and lifted it off the table into his lap. "It's heavy," he commented.

Alex shrugged at that and Brian poked his head back out of the kitchen from where he was rinsing off the plates, only to see what was happening and to emerge back into the living room, taking a seat on one of the dining room chairs as Jack picked at the wrapping paper. He gave Alex another smile as he got the paper off.

"Thank you," he said and she gave him a small nod.

He shot Olivia a look as he got the rest of the paper off and hoisted the box at her. She smiled at the entire box set of Game of Thrones as he handed them off to her.

"You're going to be busy," she said, as she gazed at the spines while he started picking at the plastic on the one end to truly get them open.

"They're supposed to be good," he said.

She nodded but then told him gently, "Don't forget the cards, sweetheart."

His eyes moved to her a moment but he then looked back to the table and found the card with Alex's writing on the envelope and picked it up to open.

"They stories?" Benji asked as Olivia finished peeling the plastic off for Jack as he read the card and gave Alex another smile at whatever message was inside.

"They are," she affirmed as Benji ran his fingers along the box.

"They lots of stories," he said. "You read them to me too, Mommy?"

She let out a small laugh and gave him a smile. "Maybe in a few years," she said. "They're grown-up stories. Too scary right now."

"They ghost stories?" Benji asked.

"They're dragon stories," Jack provided, turning back and retrieving the box from her again, pulling the first book out of the set and paging through the paperback.

"I like dragons," Benji said and squinted at him.

"They're mean dragons," Olivia clarified.

"They eat people?" Benji asked.

"Lots of them," Jack said.

"That what dragons do, Mommy!" Benji protested. "That not scary!"

Olivia let out a little snort and shook her head. "They're Jack's present," she provided instead. "He gets to read them first. And I think you'll be waiting a while before he's done."

Jack shook his head. "I'll finish over winter break," he said.

"Hmm," Olivia allowed, "and what was that course you registered for again?"

He groaned at her. "Mom …"

She just nudged him and reached forward, pulling another box closer to him. "There," she suggested.

He gave her a small smile and picked it up, placing it on his lap. "Clothes," he said instantly.

"What'd you tell me you wanted for your birthday?" she put back to him.

He smiled more. "Clothes," he allowed.

She nodded. "Open it," Olivia said.

Getting Jack to tell her anything he wanted for his birthday or Christmas had been a challenge. It was part of his present paradigms – his unworthiness to ask for or to receive that his uncle had worked to drill into him. But it was also his apprehension to accept charity – still. Even though they'd more than established that she was his mom and she was absolutely responsible for helping him make sure some of his needs were met and as his mom she also absolutely wanted to make sure that occasionally he got some of the things he wanted and he got spoiled a little. But those were concepts that Jack was having trouble getting used to and accepting. So instead she'd managed to pry a couple ideas out of him – though about as specific as she'd gotten was that he wanted a 'new pair of pants' (if that meant jeans or cords or khakis or cargos or twills or dress pants or Dickies – he wouldn't say) and 'maybe a tshirt or sweater or something – but you know better what looks nice Mom', so if that meant he wanted skate clothes or school clothes or internship clothes – that'd also been left open to some interpretation.

Though she'd been a little frustrated with that at the start of working on her shopping list and budgeting, she'd ultimately decided that not letting the boys make a list of requests – or Jack submitting requests and demands – was actually better. She didn't feel compelled to try to tick off every item on some wish list. She was able to think and reflect on what she knew about her boys – what they truly wanted and needed and would like. She'd been able to figure out gifts for her sons last Christmas when she was still getting to know them. She without a doubt could manage a few presents that year.

He peeled the paper off and shook the lid off the top of the box before swishing the tissue paper to the side. His face lit up when he saw the fleece-lined plaid-printed zip hoodie inside. He gave her a big smile.

"Thank you, Mom," he said and drew it out of the box. He was already unzipping it and standing to put it on.

Eileen smiled at him as he was doing that. "My grandsons have jackets like that too," she said. "They seem very popular right now."

Olivia gave her a small nod but her eyes were on Jack. It looked like he was fiddling with the zipper but he managed to get it up and then looked at her for approval. It looked good on him. Very young man and very skater – but nice none-the-less.

She gave him a little nod. "Just stretch your arms around a bit," she said. "Make sure you'll be able to move in it the way you want for work."

He started moving his arms in near pinwheels and she rolls her eyes at him. He returned it and turned around to model the coat for Alex instead. So Olivia looked back to Eileen.

"He teaches skateboarding," she provided. "With the weather this year, they're still doing the classes outside. But he refuses to wear his winter jacket."

Jack made a huffing sound and looked over his shoulder at her. "One – it's too nice to skate in. Two – it's hard to skate in. And, three – it's too hot to skate in."

"Are you going to be able to skate in this one?" she put to him.

He stretched in it again, bending down to one of his knees and likely showing off his ass to the rest of the room more than any of them needed to see. "Yeah," he muttered as he continued his stretches and practice movements. "It's got lots of flex in it. But it might be too nice to skate in too."

"John Paul …" Olivia sighed exasperatedly at him.

He shot her a smile and straightened. "I'm joking. I like it, Mom. A lot. Thank you."

She offered a little nod of acknowledgement but she didn't think Jack even had a chance to see it. Benji was jumping up to the table and holding the next gift above his head.

"OPEN MINE, PEEDG!"

Jack gave him a grin and took the gift. Olivia knew that Jack probably had a fairly good idea what it was based on the size of the package and it likely was the one present of the evening he did want to get into. He likely also then wanted all of them to leave so he could claim the television and the videogame system and plug into that until Christmas morning. He didn't even return to his seat on the couch to open the gift. He just ripped at the tape where he was standing.

He laughed at he got the paper off and then immediately turned and showed the Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtle Xbox game to Brian. He let out a quiet chuckle too, as Jack turned back and started picking at the plastic wrap on the game.

"Awesome, Jamin," he said happily.

"Mommy say I can play too," Benji provided and got up to go closer to his brother to look, grabbing at his arm so Jack would bring the packaging to eye level so he could see too. "I be Leo-nard-doe."

Jack cast him a look. "Sure. I'm going to try Michelangelo first," he said cast Eileen and Cragen a look. "Nunchauks," he clarified. "Leonardo is katanas. Swords."

"Oh …" Cragen allowed slowly and cast her a look.

Olivia just shrugged. It was rated E. She'd let them play. It could be worse. It wasn't guns or sex or profanity. It was an interactive cartoon that her sons already watched – and that Brian would just as happily slouch on the couch with them on a Saturday staring at too. He knew almost as much about Ninja Turtles as he did about Transformers. Another program that he claimed existed in their childhood. It'd promoted her to look into it. Apparently his childhood extended into the 1980s – and his 20s. Not exactly surprising. But she'd been sure to inform him that she definitely wasn't watching cartoons in her 20s. He offered no response.

Jack was still looking at the box and cast Brian another look. "It says it's a four-player," he said.

Brian shrugged. "You only got two controllers, Kid."

Jack gave a little sigh. "Ma, we could all play," he said.

"Oh, wouldn't that be awesome," she said sarcastically.

Apparently Jack didn't get the sarcasms. "Yeah," he said even more enthusiastically. "I could go see if I could get some cheap knock-off controllers tomorrow. We could all play tomorrow night then!"

Alex let out a laugh at that and Jack gave her a confused look. Alex just shook her head and gave Olivia a look. "Sounds like a great Christmas Eve activity, Jack," Alex said.

Jack shrugged. "Yeah. Why not? Mom, you've got the day off."

Olivia gave a little nod and a sympathetic shrug. "But Brian's working," like that would save her for a day of Ninja Turtles.

Jack considered that for a moment. "But only until like lunch or whatever," he said and gave Brian a look. "You could come over after."

"Ah," Brian said and gave Liv a look again. "Well, I'll be over, Kid. But I need to go back into Brooklyn and do a couple things before I get here. Likely won't be until around dinner."

"So we'll play after dinner," Jack said and looked at Olivia expectantly.

She gave him a little sigh. "We'll see, Jack. I don't want you running around creation looking for Xbox controllers tomorrow. I have the day off. I'm home. It's Christmas Eve. I'm spending the day with you guys – not running around looking for electronics. And in the evening you want to go to mass and someone needs to be in bed early so Santa can come."

He gave her puppy dog eyes. Apparently she should've looked at the number of players and not just the game rating when Benji had gravitated toward it in the videogame section when she had her son out picking a birthday and Christmas gift for his brother. It hadn't even occurred to her that four-player would mean the game would suddenly become a family affair.

But lately with Jack a lot of things were becoming a family affair – and that family usually included Alex and Brian. He had been almost clingy too them since the farm visit and even more since the adoption was official. He undoubtedly wanted his family time and his place in the family and to have them around him. Olivia just hadn't weighed that in videogame selection. And, now – knowing what game he was also getting on Christmas morning too – she suspected she might be having to ask Brian to stop in a couple stores on his way home that night or over tomorrow to see if he could find two more damn controllers to have in the apartment.

"I play with you, Peedg," Benji said and looked at him with even more expectation.

"Benji will play with you," Olivia reaffirmed.

Jack let out a small noise but popped the case open and started to look at the booklet. "It looks like an awesome game, Jamin," he said a little sadly. "It's going to be fun."

"We play now?" Benji asked, standing up on his tipey-toes to try to see the booklet too.

"After our company leaves, Little Fox," Olivia corrected. "You can play with Peedg for twenty minutes and then it's time to get ready for bed."

"It not bedtime!" Benji protested and gave her a dirty look.

"After Jack's done opening his presents and our company leaves, it is time to get ready for bed. After you're in your pajamas – you and Jack can play the new game together for twenty minutes. And then it is time to go to sleep."

Benji squinted at her and then huddled over to Brian. "Buy-in not leaving."

He snorted at that but drew Benji into his lap and gave the little boy's chin and a small knock and gave him a little look and shook his head. "Don't give your Ma a hard time. It's passed your bedtime."

"You not leaving," Benji said flatly and still glared at Olivia.

"Don't look at your Ma like that," he said again and pulled Benji a bit more tightly into his lap. "I'm not sleeping here tonight, Big Man. And I'm not much company anymore."

Benji squinted at him and then looked at Alex. "You can't leave Auntie."

She smiled and gave Olivia a look. "There's the future law student you should be worried about," she said. "He's the negotiator."

Olivia rolled her eyes.

"I am leaving, Benjamin," Alex confirmed. "I'll be back on Christmas."

"Becuz you have to come back becuz you leavin' your stocking here, Alex," Benji said – apparently what they originally were arguing about was starting to fade as he focused on other matters.

"I am," Alex said and cast Olivia another look. Olivia had basically informed her that there'd be a stocking for her at the apartment that year. Alex had done so much for her and for the boys that year – not to mention she'd provided too many stocking stuffers for the boys' stockings. Filling her stocking was the least Olivia could do. It was something she wanted to do for her friend. And, she'd recruited Jack to help too – so Alex could get the humor of having a young man try to decide what a 40-year-old woman wanted and needed. But also so Alex could see the thoughtfulness and appreciation of having a young person reflect on them and all they'd done over the year too. Jack had picked out a few nice trinkets for Alex – and some funny ones. Olivia thought that Alex would enjoy unpacking the sock – not matter the apprehension or sarcastic distaste and stand-off-ish-ness she was displaying about the whole matter.

"Auntie, you hafta 'member to leave a note so Santa knows your stocking here," Benji said.

"Oh, that's right at the top of my priority list of things to get done tomorrow, Benjamin," Alex said.

Benji nodded hard at that assertion and looked across to Olivia proudly. He was the Santa expert that year. It'd made December rather amusing. She could see how Eileen was smiling at his little boy statements in that moment too.

Olivia was actually really noticing how Eileen was watching both of her sons, gazing around their apartment. It felt a little like she was measuring it all. She'd been a little quiet too – almost as quiet as Jack. She seemed a little nervous about being there too. Again, Olivia wasn't sure if that was because Cragen had alerted her to the fact they'd had their talk that afternoon. Or if was just the awkwardness of trying to find your place amidst new people. She seemed kind, though, and like she was trying. She just seemed unsure. Olivia thought she'd have to try a little harder to put her at ease. Though, she wasn't sure she'd have that in her to do that that night. Maybe their next meeting.

"Grab the one from me next," Brian suggested, apparently trying to keep up the momentum of pulling Jack away from any four-player disappointment.

Jack examined the table and found the box and envelope with Brian's scrawled writing and picked it up, relocating himself back to sit next to Olivia on the couch. He opened the card and read it and then handed it to her. She scanned it and cast Brian a thin smile, as she reached and placed the card on one of the end tables.

Jack was already picking at the tape and had barely gotten the one end ripped open before he let out a, "No way," rather excitedly. He cast Olivia a gaping look and flashed the packaging at her through the ripped paper. But she already knew what was inside. Brian had essentially requested permission to make the purchase before he'd done so.

Olivia gave her son and little smile and nudged his shoulder with hers. "It's what you told him you wanted for your birthday," she teased.

Jack looked at her confused for a moment but then it seemed to dawn on him that snarky conversation they'd had those months ago when she was letting Brian into their apartment – and her bedroom – for the night. He gave her an embarrassed look but she just gave him a gentle smile and his shoulder a small squeeze.

"Finish opening them," she encouraged.

He looked a little sheepish but pulled out the box containing the wireless, over-the-ear headphones. He examined the box for a moment and then cast Brian a look.

"They're really cool," he said.

Brian gave a nod. "They aren't the noise cancelling ones. Just isolating," he provided.

Jack shrugged. "They're still really cool. Thank you."

"I'm supposed to tell you that you aren't supposed to wear them skateboarding or throw them in your backpack," Brian said flatly.

Jack made a noise at that and looked at Olivia. "MA!" he protested. "They're for the TV. Videogames. The dorms."

"As long as you know that," she said.

He rolled his eyes. "That's what they're made for. Indoor stuff."

"As long as you know that," she said again.

"Mom …" he groaned at her.

"I just know how rough you are on your headphones," she said.

"Ear buds," Jack corrected. "Not headphones. I've never had headphones before."

He started picking at the box and opened it to look inside, only to pull out the headphones and start removing the plastic wrap around them. "Awesome," he muttered quietly, prompting Olivia to give Brian a small smile. Neither of them were really sure how Jack would react to the gift. But Olivia had thought he'd be appreciative. He was appreciative of most things – especially lately. And even if he didn't see the humor in the present – she knew they were still an item he wanted and would use. Not just on the nights he thought he needed to drown out them having sex. She was pretty sure that that wasn't an actual use he'd need in the apartment. That might be a feature better suited for the dorms.

As she turned back to look at Jack removing the wireless transmitter charger stand thing from the box and examining it, she caught eyes with Alex, who raised a questioning eyebrow at her.

"Don't ask," Olivia said quietly and shook her head. She was sure that Alex knew enough about the rollercoaster of the fall while Jack adjusted to the fact she was dating that she could put together the dots and figure out what the quiet joke was about the headphones.

Jack plopped the headphones over his ears, then looked at her. They were virtual cans. She gave Jack a nod but looked to Brian.

"They're huge on him," she said. She hadn't said it overly quietly but the sound isolating aspect of them must be working well enough because Jack didn't even register that she'd spoken. He was busy fidgeting with adjusting them to fit the way he wanted.

"They're supposed to look like that," Brian said flatly.

Olivia shrugged. She didn't know much about audio electronics. She trusted that Brian vaguely knew what he was talking about. Or he was just talking out of his ass – which she wouldn't put by him either.

Jack took the headphones off and gave Brian another acknowledging nod. "They feel good," he said.

Brian gave a small acknowledgement back. "We'll get them hooked up to the entertainment system after and see how they sound. Sounded good in the shop."

Jack nodded and briefly paged through the manual that had tumbled out of the box. "Yeah, looks pretty easy," he said.

"Basically plug and play," Brian allowed.

Jack nodded again but seem absorbed in looking at the page of technical specifications in the manual. So Olivia gave him a little nudge again.

"You think you're up to opening the last two before you get too absorbed in the new toys?" she asked.

He looked up at here apologetically. "Ah … yeah …" he said and gazed at the last two gifts on the table.

"Why don't you open Captain Cragen's?" she suggested.

Jack nodded and reached out, grabbing the bigger of the two packages and pulling it into his lap.

"Holy Geez," he said and cast Cragen a questioning look. "This one's heavy too."

That prompted Olivia to get her Captain a look too. She'd thought from their conversation at lunch that he'd likely bought Jack a Lego set. But that might be what had been put under the Christmas tree because the box didn't really look like Lego to her either.

Benji crawled off Brian's lap at that and circled around to Jack. "What is it, Peedg?" he asked.

"I don't know," Jack said. "But it weighs a lot."

"Want help?" Benji asked as Jack awkwardly rotated the gift looking for a good seam to rip into.

"Yeah, sure," Jack said. He didn't need to say anything more. Benji's little fingers dug into the paper and tore off a strip.

Jack looked at it questioningly. All that was visible was some white on a black box. But his brow creased with some recognition and his and Benji's hands both flew back to the open tear and ripped off a bigger chunk of the paper.

"Oh my God," Jack said but he was still holding the half wrapped box in such a way that Olivia couldn't tell what it was.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Yea. Wazzit, Peedg?" Benji asked.

He pulled back the rest of the paper and gazed at it and then looked at Cragen shaking his head. "It's too much," Jack said quietly.

Cragen gave a small shake of his head. "Someone told me you'll be getting to use that set in your modeling workshop next term," Cragen said.

"Yeah … but …"

"No, buts," Cragen said.

Jack gazed at him. It wasn't just Jack who was either. Olivia was too. And so was Eileen. He was sitting there with a quiet stoic – like it often did. Jack was sitting there trying to figure out what to say. What to argue. But he was clearly at a loss for words. He was likely just entirely at a loss.

Cragen finally shifted his eyes away from Jack and found hers. She thought there was a wateriness to them that she saw deep behind his eyes on occasion on particularly bad cases. But instead he just gave her a thin smile.

"Nudging," is all he said quietly.

She felt her own eyes flood with the sting of tears at that and she gave him a thin smile and quickly looked away. She couldn't look at him. She'd spent so much of the afternoon upset with him after their talk. She'd been avoiding him while he'd been in her home – even so much as avoiding eye contact with him. She just didn't know what to say or do or what even to think about all of it. And then he'd gone and done this for her son – for her. But again she found herself having to shift her focus to her children so she didn't fall apart – though this time in a different way. But still not a way she wanted her sons or her Captain to see.

She gave Jack's back a small rub as he hunched over gazing at the box. "What is it, sweetheart?" she asked again.

He sat up a bit straighter so she could get a better look at box. It was the masters level complete architect set of Lego. An entire oversized blocks of white colored bricks in average and unique spatial shapes – all designed specifically with architects in mind, to the point that many of the architecture schools were implementing its use as a supplemental building product in their model workshops. It was an item that Jack had talked about. It was something he'd had the opportunity to work with in the workshop. Something that he certainly had some interest in having. But it came with a price tag that he hadn't been able to afford and one that Olivia hadn't been able to justify herself either – not when he had other more pressing items and textbooks and tools he needed for school.

"LEGO!" Benji squealed and draped himself over the box in careful examination. "PEEDG WE HAVE SO MANY COOL TOYS TO PLAY WITH! LEGO AND NINJA TURTLES! AND SANTA NOT EVEN COME YET!"

"Yeah …" Jack agreed quietly.

She rubbed Jack's back a bit harder at that and reached giving his neck a squeeze and a small massage near where his shoulder blades met. She could feel the emotion radiating off him too and knew he was trying to calm himself, to stay composed. She wanted to help him do that.

"Wow," she said quietly in response to the gift.

Jack gave a little nod and looked up at her. "There's a book with the set. My lecturer says the concepts in the book after worth more than the set," he said quietly.

She rubbed his back a bit more. "Then I think you better open it and check it out," she told him with a thin smile.

He nodded again and reached to set the box on the coffee table and tried to find the flap but his hands were shaking. Brian saw and moved out of his chair, settling himself on the floor on the opposite side of the table, pulling the box across to him.

"Here, let me see if I can get it open for ya," he said.

"Yea …" Jack muttered and Olivia rubbed at his back more. "I want to save the box."

Brian just nodded and started to pick at the seal – it was a little complicated by Benji getting between him and the box – clearly wanting to get first dibs on digging into the Lego. Jack was clearly too emotional to express to his little brother that he wasn't going to get anywhere near the blocks – so Olivia prepared herself to have to manage that for him.

But for now she just kept rubbing at Jack's back. He let his head hang a bit. She could tell he was likely near tears. He also likely desperately didn't want to cry in front of Cragen – or worse Eileen. He wouldn't be keen on tearing up in front of Brian or Alex either. So Olivia ran her hand through the hair on the back of his head and leaned in closer to him.

"Go to the bathroom," she whispered to him. "Get a drink. Wash your face. Calm down. You're fine."

He gave a little nod and wordlessly stood from the couch and padded past Cragen giving him another thin smile, though he quickly looked away again. "Thank you," Jack said quietly.

"You're welcome," Cragen allowed but watched as Jack disappeared around the corner and the bathroom door could be heard clicking shut and the water turning on. Eileen reached out and gave Cragen's forearm a squeeze while he looked at Olivia with concern. "It wasn't meant to upset him."

Olivia shook her head. "He's not upset. Not that way," she said. "He's appreciative. Grateful. Overwhelmed."

Cragen gave a slight nod but continued to gaze at her uncomfortably.

She shook her head and looked away too. "Thank you," she finally managed. "For everything," she added and then rose and treaded to the opposite side of the apartment and her own bathroom. She didn't want to shed a tear in front of her Captain either – and she thought if she sat there a second longer she might.

**A new chapter got posted to Welcome Home last night. There's another short stand-alone Christmas story with Benji and Olivia set within the Welcome Home context. It's entitled Saving Christmas.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: Bombshell**

**Author: ZombieJazz**

**Fandom: Law & Order: SVU**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them. Law and Order SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The characters of Jack and Benji have been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

**Summary: A future chapter of Welcome Home. Olivia and Cragen have a conversation about her sons and her future in SVU. Set around Jack's birthday/Christmas. This is a flash forward and will later be moved/added to Welcome Home when it catches up to this point.**

**Author's Notes: This AU series is for SVU fans and readers who want Olivia to have something that resembles a more normal life outside of work and a family of her own - hopefully somewhat realistically within the canon of SVU. Most of the chapters will ultimately take place outside of the work environment, so there aren't going to be too many references to cases from the show. But this story would generally be starting in about Season 15 of the show. Please let me know what you think and if you distribute elsewhere.**

**WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS FOR READERS OF "WELCOME HOME". THIS IS A FUTURE CHAPTER TO 'WELCOME HOME' THAT WILL BE ADDED WHEN THE STORY CATCHES UP TO THAT POINT IN THE TIMELINE. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ IT OUT OF SEQUENCE — JUST WAIT AND EVENTUALLY THIS WILL APPEAR AS A CHAPTER IN THE WH STORY.**

Eileen took Don's hand as they stepped outside the apartment building. He hadn't spoken a word since they'd left Olivia and her family's apartment. They'd rode the elevator in silence and he'd seemed a little too overly lost in thought and quiet even for him.

He looked down at their joint hands and then gave her a tad-questioning look. But she just provided him with a kind smile.

"That was a nice evening," she said.

With the look on his face, she wasn't sure he had believed the sincerity of that statement. But it really had been. Eileen wasn't blind to the fact that there had been some turbulence in the room and there certainly had been a few awkward moments but it still had been a lovely evening and she was glad she'd been allowed to be included in it.

Don was a very private man and she barely had to spend five minutes in a room with Olivia to realize she was just as private – if not more so. Eileen hadn't been privy to all the dynamics that dictated the woman's family. Don had actually seemed hesitant even revealing to her that Olivia's sons were adopted – like that was betraying some sort of confidentiality. But even that statement didn't provide much context for the family. Though it was clear there were some underlying dynamics – and based on some behaviors and comments, she didn't doubt there was underlying trauma too – because of whatever past history did exist.

Eileen wasn't entirely clear on what had transpired after Jack had opened Don's gift – other than the fact that it had clearly left him, Jack and Olivia all rather emotional. But by the time the mother and son had emerged from their time-outs in their respective restrooms, everything had seemed to calm. Brian had gotten the packaging open for Jack and he'd seem content to it on the floor and go through some of the huge collection of bricks and page through the thick instruction manual – that looked more like a coffee table book than any sort of Lego instruction booklet that she'd ever seen – and show off certain pages to both his mother and Don. He'd even gotten up and brought the book over to Don, pointing out some of the concepts and structures it was displaying and excitedly talking. It'd been about the most animated the young man had been that evening and she'd seen how that had helped calm Don after that blip they'd had upon opening the gift. He'd seemed to settle more when Jack had started working with the blocks – first gathering some in one of the enclosed plastic trays and handing them to his little brother.

The young man had seemed quite absorbed in playing with the Lego. Though, when he'd held up his creation that he'd managed to conceptualize in the first 10 minutes he'd been fiddling with the bricks – Eileen wasn't entirely sure she'd call it 'playing'. It was rather impressive the structure that Jack had been able to build in that short period of time. It was clearly an architect at work – or the set brought out the architect in the builder. Though, that might not be quite true because young Benjamin's creation certainly looked much more like a Lego blob than the sculpture Jack had shown off. Don, though, seemed so pleased with what the young man had been able to create and even more pleased when Jack had expressed that getting to work on his models and concepts with the set was going to make doing his drafting and actual construction so much easier. The pure enthusiasm he expressed about being able to build and tear down his creations to adjust them and fix them and re-conceptualize them so easily.

If anything Eileen had found herself particularly taken with the youthful but quiet maturity in the young man. It was clear he was an old soul in a somewhat damaged boy's body. She'd also been struck with just how grateful and appreciative he'd seemed throughout the evening. Not just of the gifts but of the people being there and of the food they'd provided and of the effort that had been put into all of it. It wasn't exactly a mentality she was used to seeing in her teenaged grandchildren who were definitely well into the phase of being too big for their own breeches and far too cool for things like gratitude and appreciation – or showing any sort of emotion. It actually made her a little concerned about how Don might find their Christmas visits if he was contrasting her grandchildren's attitudes against that of his own two grandsons based on what she'd just witnessed.

Jack sharing with his little brother and clearly wanting to spend time with his family – his interactions not just with Olivia but her observations in how he talked to and interacted with Alex and Brian and Don – that was going to be enough of a contrast. But what had particularly stood out for Eileen was when he'd opened the last present from his mother.

Jack had opened the little square box to find a tie set that included a matching pocket square, tie bar, cuff links and money clip. The young man had lit up by the gift perhaps more than he had any other present that evening – which said a lot because Eileen had seen pure glee and gratitude in his face after every parcel. But he'd gazed at the set with just the biggest smile on his face – not exactly the kind of reaction expected from a teenager about clothes, particularly something as formal as a tie set. The young man had finally bounded from the couch and disappeared off in the direction of what appeared to be Olivia's bedroom without a word. Everyone had looked after him excepted his mother who seemed to have read his mind in what he was doing and where he was headed, simply calling after him, "It's in my walk-in, Jack."

She'd still been looking at the tie set herself – which her son had left sitting in her lap when he'd made a dash from the room – when she'd seemed to realize that the rest of the room was staring at her. She'd finally looked up and seemed to feel she needed to provide some explanation and context about the gift. That she'd had her sons out picking out an outfit for their Christmas outing and Christmas Eve mass. That Jack had become rather transfixed with the sets – that he'd never seen cuff links before and had been rather fascinated. But that she'd indicated to him at the time that she was just getting him a new shirt and he was to wear the tie she'd bought him for their previous Christmas – only to have gone back later and retrieved one of the sets for him. She'd added the clarification that he would have interviews for various summer internships coming up in the New Year and she wanted him to look smart.

But whatever the reasoning behind the purchase was, it was clear that her son was delight in his mother having remembered his fascination with the item. He'd eventually emerged from his mother's bedroom already dressed in a red gingham patterned shirt that he looked quite smart in even with his shirt tails hanging out and sleeves flopping around.

Eileen had watched again with quiet interest as Olivia had helped the young man pop the knotted cufflinks that had come with the shirt out of the button holes and showed him how to get the new ones from the birthday set into place and positioned. Just how smitten Jack seemed when they were. And, then how even more patiently Olivia had quietly talked him through knotting his tie, reaching and fiddling with it at her son's neck herself after he'd completed his efforts and how he then stood and proudly worked at sliding the tie bar into place. How he smiled at his mother and modeled the black-and-grey contrast against his Christmas-y red shirt – how she'd nodded her approval.

"Go get your suit jacket," she'd said quietly to him.

He'd nodded and retreated back to her bedroom again, Olivia reaching and retrieving set box again to remove the pocket square and work at folding it. As she did, Brian had reached and taken the box himself, removing the money clip from the box. Olivia had looked up at him and raised a questioning eyebrow at him but he'd just flashed a twenty-dollar bill at her.

"For luck," he said flatly and then started his own folding job, as he slide the bill into the clip.

When Jack had re-emerged again, Brian had held the clip at him. Jack had looked confused.

"It's like a wallet," he'd said. "You can't give it without some cash."

Jack's face had again lit up at that comment and he'd cautiously accepted the clip back, giving his mother a glance like he was seeking permission to take it as he did. She'd just given him a small nod and he'd looked at the $20 in his hand like even at 20-years-old receiving that denomination was a big deal and the key to getting some long sought after item.

Jack returned to stand in front of his mother, who rose to work to stuff the pocket square into place now that he was wearing his suit jacket. Eileen could just imagine how smart and cute both of Olivia's boys were going to be looking for their Christmas mass celebrations. She hoped that Olivia intended to take pictures and that she might have the opportunity to see them because even watching the scene that evening she could see the specialness of it all. If Jack looked that smart in just the upper half of his get-up, Eileen was sure whatever Olivia had picked out for Benjamin to wear for the evening would be adorable.

But it was again Jack's words that while his mother helped finished off accessorizing his outfit that hat struck Eileen. He'd still had the money clip in his hand, gazing and fingering at the bill, when he'd quietly said, "Maybe we can use it and go and get coffee or hot chocolate or something tomorrow."

Olivia had just smiled at him and given his cheek a small caress, stating, "That sounds nice," and then tapping once more at his breast pocket and going, "There." And the young man had just smiled again and turned to model for them all – though he specifically seemed to seek his aunt's approval. She'd offered a "Spiffy," which seemed to make Jack grin even more.

Eileen couldn't imagine any of her grandchildren having that reaction to that sort of gift or comfortable interaction with their mothers at that point in their life. She wasn't even sure her grown son would be as appreciative of a tie set as she'd just seen in the young man. It'd been one of several moments that at stuck with her that evening.

There'd been others. But she thought it was that moment that might've kept her and Don glued to their chairs perhaps longer than they should've. It wasn't until it was abundantly clear that Olivia was starting to wrangle Benjamin towards the bedroom and his pajamas and that Brian was moving to set up the headphones and ready the videogame for the boys that Eileen had nudged Don that perhaps they should be on their way. Don had shifted over to the couch at that point with Olivia and Benjamin vacating it in an apartment battle of the wills over teeth brushing. Don had seemed to become rather absorbed in the Lego as well as Jack attempted to show him some sort of layering and building technique. But Eileen had thought that it was likely time they be going – even Alex looked like she was starting to move toward the door at that point.

Don had seemed a little hesitant – like he wanted to linger longer. It was likely made worse that Jack had indicated that he hadn't opened his Christmas present yet. But that had clearly caused some stirring in little Benjamin overhearing and emerging from the bathroom in only his pajama bottoms and with toothpaste dribbling down his mouth while Olivia followed attempting to get his shirt on and his chin wiped. The minor commotion as both of the boys ended up under the tree trying to find where they'd placed Don's gift had ultimately resulted in him assuring them that he'd be back to open it another day over the holidays. Olivia had seemed appreciative of that but the boys had seemed disappointed, which she was sure only caused more disappointment in Don. But their rocky departure had also clearly aggravated poor Olivia's bedtime and spool down attempts she was having with her sons. They did get out the door, though, with well wishes and thank yous and happy birthdays and merry Christmases and it really had been a lovely evening.

"Your grandsons are precious," Eileen had provided to Don as they began their walk down the street to where he'd managed to park some distance away. But he'd again given her a questioning look.

Eileen paused too and realized that he hadn't referred to the boys as his grandsons himself yet. Not to her. She wasn't sure if he'd allowed himself to see them that way – or had allowed himself to admit to himself that's how he viewed them. But it was so abundantly clear to Eileen that the people Don worked with were his family.

Olivia was more than simply work family to him, though, even though he hadn't said as much either. But Eileen could easily see that Don viewed the woman as like a daughter. She saw their tender interactions with each other too. The unspoken words and the tensions and the kindness and the understandings and the frustrations and the concerns and annoyances. They were familial interactions. They were the dynamics of a father and a daughter. The ups and the downs but the love and the forgiveness. If Olivia was his daughter, that very clearly made Jack and Benjamin his grandsons. And, whether he acknowledged it or not, the interactions she'd had the opportunity to witness him have with those boys were very clearly that of a grandfather. The doting, the spoiling, the quiet listening and gentle guidance. And the way both of those boys looked at him.

Eileen hoped that he'd admit to himself who and what those three people were in his life. She thought it would make him much happier than that quietly melancholy but deeply caring, loving and passionate man she was coming to know – and rather adore.

"I suppose they're a bit of an unexpected blessing at this point in my life," Don finally allowed quietly.

She gave his hand another small squeeze and him a smile with that comment. "Olivia is a good mother," she offered.

He returned the smile at that – thinly – and nodded. "She waited a long time to get be one. Wanted it badly."

"You can tell," Eileen conceded, "and she's doing such a good job with them. You can just see how much her boys adore her."

He allowed a little nod. "They are very lucky boys," Don said.

They walked in silence for several moments – hand-in-hand before Eileen spoke again.

"I know you want to make sure I get to be with my family on Christmas and don't want to feel too rushed – but we really do have lots of time over the few days, Don, and I think we should make sure we get back to Olivia and the boys' on Christmas Day too."

He glanced at her sideways in a gaze that lasted a little too long. "I'm not sure how much time Olivia wants to spend with me over the holidays," he provided.

"I think she very much would like you to be there on Christmas Day," she said. Don looked at her but shook his head and looked away. "However she reacted to your news today, Don, she's going to get over it. I think she already is getting there." He gazed steadily at her. "And, even if she needs a bit more time, those grandsons of yours will want you there. You have to open your Christmas present," she teased.

He allowed a small smile at that. "I'm a little concerned what they might feel is an appropriate gift."

"Ninja Turtles," Eileen allowed and gave him a smile.

He smiled a bit more at that. "It's likely good they couldn't find it under the tree tonight. It gives me time to practice my reaction."

"Your face can be rather expressive," she told him. He gave her one of those looks and she smiled. "Like that. That look says it all."

His mouth tugged in a hidden grin and he looked down, shoving his free hand farther into his overcoat pocket. So Eileen hooked her elbow around his and rubbed at his bicep.

"It's decided," she said. "It will be fun. We'll spend a couple hours with them on Christmas."

He gave her that thin, gentle smile.

Christmas was for family. They were going to spend some of it with his – just like he was going to spend some of it with hers.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: Bombshell**

**Author: ZombieJazz**

**Fandom: Law & Order: SVU**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them. Law and Order SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The characters of Jack and Benji have been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

**Summary: A future chapter of Welcome Home. Olivia and Cragen have a conversation about her sons and her future in SVU. Set around Jack's birthday/Christmas. This is a flash forward and will later be moved/added to Welcome Home when it catches up to this point.**

**Author's Notes: This AU series is for SVU fans and readers who want Olivia to have something that resembles a more normal life outside of work and a family of her own - hopefully somewhat realistically within the canon of SVU. Most of the chapters will ultimately take place outside of the work environment, so there aren't going to be too many references to cases from the show. But this story would generally be starting in about Season 15 of the show. Please let me know what you think and if you distribute elsewhere.**

**WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS FOR READERS OF "WELCOME HOME". THIS IS A FUTURE CHAPTER TO 'WELCOME HOME' THAT WILL BE ADDED WHEN THE STORY CATCHES UP TO THAT POINT IN THE TIMELINE. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ IT OUT OF SEQUENCE — JUST WAIT AND EVENTUALLY THIS WILL APPEAR AS A CHAPTER IN THE WH STORY.**

Olivia briefly looked up from her work in the kitchen as she heard the door of the apartment open and the bumping and shuffling of Brian coming in. She barely had a chance to hear that before Benji had heard and he shrieked out, "BUY-IN!" and went charging from his seat on the couch to the front foyer. She didn't want to go out there to know that he'd be immediately underfoot. But that's the way Benji had been most of the day. As much as she'd thought taking Christmas Eve Day off to spend time with the boys and get a few last minute preparations done around home was a good idea – she might've been slightly delusional.

She wasn't sure she got much of anything done around the place. She'd be staying up just as late into the night as the year before to have things ready for the next day as the year previous. And, more than that, Benjamin was completely off the walls. Keeping him calm – and not losing his little boy mind about the big night – had taken up most of her energy of the day, no matter how much she'd tried to delegate to Jack to distract him. Keeping Jack calm and distracted for the day had been completely fine. He'd spent the majority of the day plugged into his new videogame – and when she'd forced him to take a screen-time break he'd continued to lay sprawled on the couch reading one of the books from Alex. He seemed completely oblivious to Benji's antics as she tried to distract the little boy with things like coloring and Play-Doh and his current toys before finally resorting to baking cookies for Santa. She wasn't sure that calmed him or made any less work for her, though. She was pretty sure it had actually left more for her to clean up in the kitchen before Alex arrived tomorrow and completely commandeered the space.

She could hear Benji casting accusations at Brian about him being 'so late.'

"YOU TAKE FOREVER, BUY-IN!" Benji just kept saying in a voice that was clearly not his indoor's voice.

She couldn't hear Brian's mumbled explanation for the little boy. She didn't really need to hear it. She'd already gotten the explanation over the phone earlier when he'd called to say he definitely wouldn't be there by one anymore. The reason: "Tucker's a fucking asshole."

Alrighty then. She didn't feel the need to engage in a further explanation on that matter. She didn't think it'd exactly be in the Christmas spirit so she'd just given some half commentary that she hoped he'd calmed down and adjusted his language before he did arrive – whenever that was. Really – for whatever hold up Tucker had caused for him – Brian wasn't that much later than he'd anticipated. A couple hours wasn't going to make or break the day. Though, it was going to make getting everyone out the door to the children's liturgy mass that she'd settled on that year (much to Jack's chagrin) a little rushed. And there had been moments in the afternoon where his absence had been unbearable while she attempted to put off Benji's anticipation about opening the box that the Pajama Elves had left while they'd gone out for coffee and hot chocolate.

Unfortunately she hadn't received Brian's agitated call until after they'd left the apartment – and after she'd made Jack supposedly be dallying while her and Benji went to push the button for the elevator while her oldest was really retrieving the box to put on the coffee table for her. If she'd known when they left that it was going to be hours upon hours before Brian arrived – and not just the 30-60 minutes that had been estimated in the original calculation of the outing, she likely would've waited or adjusted the schedule. But it was too late for that.

Benji's restlessness about making sure that his new magic pajamas and Santa's key were what was in the box had only increased throughout the afternoon to the point that Olivia had almost broken down and told him to go ahead and open the box. But she'd managed to hold out – and hold Benji off – so that Brian could get the experience of being there for it. Though, she wasn't sure how much he cared. He was hard to get a read on when it came to those sorts of things. It might be too cutesy and phony for him to enjoy. That was his problem, though. He could roll his eyes all he wanted – as long as she didn't have to look at it.

She'd poked her head out of the kitchen when she heard them move into the living room. Benji was already at the coffee table again – his hands planted firmly on the big wrapped box.

"See Dandy and the PJ Elfs came," Benji informed him.

Brian just stared at the box blankly. She'd explained the little tradition that she'd inadvertently started the year before but he'd seemed a little indifferent to it. She thought the indifference had more to do with the fact that at the time she'd been asking if he thought he'd be sleeping over on Christmas Eve because she needed to get him some sort of pajamas to keep up the illusion for Benji if he was.

Olivia was fairly certain Brian didn't own any sort of pajamas or lounge clothes. About the closest he had were boxer briefs, jeans and Henleys. She also was fairly certain that he wasn't that enthusiastic about being dressed up in what he probably feared were going to be some sort of matching pajamas – possibly made to look like elf outfits. He was likely lucky that her had a 20-year-old son too – or else that might be exactly what she'd tossed in the box. As it was she needed to get something that Jack would subject himself to too. So Brian wasn't going to have his faux macho-ism emasculated too much. Hopefully he could stand pulling a pair of flannel pants in the morning instead of wandering around in his underwear until the boys stirred and he switched to jeans. For one morning of the year.

She actually thought that in that particular moment Brian wouldn't be able to register much of anything on his face for the little boy. He looked exhausted and pissed off. She knew he'd gone home between finishing up at work and getting there but he was still in his suit – looking rather rumpled, his tie loosened.

He glanced at her when he spotted the movement in the kitchen doorway. "Hey," he offered flatly.

She gave him a thin smile. He clearly needed a bit more time to decompress from work before he was ready to be sociable and have any sort of evening with her family. She hoped he'd be able to manage that within the next about 20 minutes because she really didn't want him to put a damper on the mood. That was usually Jack's job.

"Benji, let Brian get in the door," Olivia said instead. "We'll open the present in a few minutes."

"WE BEEN WAITING FOREVER!" Benji protested again.

"Indoor voices," Olivia put to him and gave the living room a final glance before going back into the kitchen.

Brian seemed more transfixed with staring at the screen where Jack was playing his game than the gift that Benji wanted him so desperately to look at. Jack also was far more interested in looking at the game than the present.

"How's the game?" Brian asked.

"Good," Jack muttered – not having yet even glanced at the man.

"You play with Big Man today?" Brian asked.

"Yeah," Jack muttered again. "He sucks."

Brian let out a small snort at that and then plopped the felt bag he was toting around – near dragging – with him on the couch next to the kid.

"Take a look in there."

Jack gave him a questioning look and gazed at the sack. "What is it?"

"Presents. Mostly."

"For tonight?"

"Couple of them. Rest you can put under the tree for me."

Jack squinted at him but managed to pause the game, put down his controller and reached and pulled open the strings at the top of the bag.

Olivia peeked her head back out just as Jack stuck his head in the bag to take a look. He was smiling when he re-emerged and held up two game controllers at her and gave Brian a grin.

"Thanks," he said, examining the boxes.

Benji's interest perked up and he went to grab the one box. "I be blue," he said and gazed at it.

Jack snatched it back and handed him the other box. "I'm blue. That's a Halo controller."

Benji gave him the squint eye. "I want blue."

"You're that one," Jack said and shoved the box further into his chest. "Camo. Call of Duty. Very cool."

Benji continued to give him the squint eye – and Jack returned it in a younger Benson stare down. Sometimes Olivia wondered how much of a role genetics really did play because even for all the lack of genes she had in those two boys there were times she was absolutely certain she was being punished for all the dirty looks and attitude she'd given over the years. Their stares and glares and raised eyebrows. She was pretty sure that was a learned behavior – and at least from Benji, she was pretty sure it'd been learned from her. Which was rather eye-opening.

"You fight over them and me and your Ma are blue and camo and you're the old ones you got here already," Brian put flatly, giving the boys a look of his own.

Jack made a huffing sound at him. "You could've just got black to begin with."

"Yea, Kid, I would've been fine with that. Apparently controllers are a high-demand item at this time of year – imagine that. You try to find the things on Christmas Eve."

Jack shrugged. "I like Halo."

"Halo. Camo. Black. They all work the same way," Brian put to him bluntly and gave him a look. Olivia gave Brian a bit of a look at that. She knew he was trying to divert a fight between the boys – especially when he'd done something nice but that clearly had been a bit of a chore. He caught her look though and just gestured at the sack again. "Put that stuff under the tree for me, kay?"

Jack seemed to accept that Brian didn't want to participate in a discussion – or an argument – about the controllers (though Olivia was sure there would likely be another one when they did manage to sit down and play with the boys) and he looked back into the bag again.

"What is all this stuff?"

"Presents," Brian said flatly.

Jack pulled out one looking at the tag. "It's to you from your mom."

"Yea," Brian muttered and started to head toward the kitchen. "She's only going to see me when she's over here tomorrow. She sent them."

Jack grinned. "What's your mommy get you for Christmas?" he mocked.

Brian gave him a look. "What's your mommy get you for Christmas?" he put back to him.

Jack rolled his eyes and pulled another one out of the bag. "That's for your Jamin."

Benji grabbed and admired it but Olivia poked her head out the door again. "Benjamin – under the tree. That's not to open right now."

"He just looks at them anyways," Jack told her.

"Under the tree," she instructed again and shook her head at Brian as he trudged into the room. He handed out a tin at her. "What's this?"

He let out an exasperated sound and went and pulled open her fridge door, examining its contents. It was stuffed to the gunnels at the moment and nearly impossible to retrieve any food without having to move all the ingredients for Christmas dinner that Alex currently had stockpiled there.

"Mom made that thing every year for Christmas morning when I was a kid," he muttered and Olivia popped the lid off the tin to take a look at the sticky cake that looked somewhere between a cinnamon roll, a bundt cake and a candied Christmas bread. "She hasn't made it for years. Apparently since there's kids in the picture again now – we need to ingest it again."

Olivia gave him a look. His head was still in the fridge. He clearly wasn't seeing what he was looking for – but he was likely pretty much looking at a wall of food at the moment.

"And what is it?" she asked again.

"Monkey Bread," he said flatly.

Olivia examined the thing. "Is it for dessert?"

"No," Brian said. "That's breakfast."

"Oh," Olivia said and gazed at it some more. It didn't look like breakfast to her – at least not anything that she'd usually feed her children and certainly not like it'd go very well with the bagels, cream cheese, smoked salmon, capers, fresh fruit and yogurt that she had to put out in the morning. "It looks good …" she tried. But she thought she might be lying.

Brian's head came out of the fridge. "It tastes better than it looks," he said and then looked at her. "Where's my beer?"

"Ah …" Olivia said and walked over to the fridge, looking inside. She couldn't immediately spot it either. "In there somewhere." He sighed and looked in again, reaching and moving some of the items at the front to try to get a better view of what had been pushed to the back. "Bri, you likely shouldn't be drinking before church anyways."

He gave her a look. "Is that some sort of Catholic rule?"

She shrugged. "I think it's a Jack rule." He made a noise but then pulled out a can of Dr. Pepper instead. "You might want to ask him before you drink that," she suggested.

He looked at her. "There's a rule about drinking soda too?"

She gave him a thin smile. "It's his. I only got him the case. When it's gone, it's gone."

Brian gave her a really annoyed look but trudged to the door and looked out into the living room. The boys were no longer visible. They were over behind the couch at the Christmas tree working at depositing Brian's presents. The excited chatter – and the length of time they were over there combined with the size of the sack – had Olivia suspecting that Brian might not has honored her 'one gift each' request. Either that or the one gifts looked particularly exciting even in their wrapping.

"Jack," Brian called and a head popped up from behind the couch. "Can I have a Dr. Pepper?"

"Sure," Jack said and his head disappeared just as quickly back to whatever he and Benji were up to. Olivia also wondered if she should be concerned they were now seemingly getting along and were out of her sight – and by the tree.

But Brian just gave her another look and popped the tab, leaning against the counter. She watched him take a few long swigs.

"Should I be concerned about the size of that bag you dragged into this apartment?" she put to him.

He glanced into the living room again and then gave her a look, shaking his head. "No," he said.

"That looks more like Santa's sack than the bag of a man who was supposed to just be getting my kids a present each," she said.

He shrugged. "Mom sent her gifts for me over. Her gifts for the kids."

"Gifts? I thought you said she was getting them 'something small.'"

"Yea," Brian said. "She got them something small and then she did some of her crocheting stuff. It's not a big deal."

Olivia gave a little sigh.

"Liv, she's losing her mind about being invited over here tomorrow. Let her have her fun. She didn't go crazy. Don't worry. You'll be fine with what she did for them."

She allowed a small nod. "And two gifts are taking up the rest of that bag?"

He made a sound at her. "There might be something for you in there too."

She gave him a look. "We agreed –"

"We haven't been together long enough to get elaborate Christmas gifts for each other and that any money we would've spent on each other you'd rather be spent on the kids," Brian said in absolutely monotone. "I heard you. The first time. The second time. And every time after that. You've gotta relax."

They just looked at each other for a moment. In silence. She didn't think it was her who needed to relax in that particular moment.

Brian took another long chug of his can. She didn't think it was going to last long.

"You calming down yet?" she asked as he brought the can away from his mouth.

He let out a long, slow exhale. "Yea, getting there," he said and sighed, shaking his head. "Fucking Tucker - "

She put up her hand to stop him. "Bri, it's Christmas. You're starting a four-day weekend. You're here with me and the boys. Let's not talk shop. It will still be there on Monday."

"Thought you'd want to talk work over the holidays too," he said.

"It's out of my control," she said. "The parts of the conversation within my control will still be waiting for me to act on on Monday too. And I've got all of January – at least – to sort it out."

He gave a little nod and looked down. "Yea," he muttered and glanced around spotting the plate of cookies on the counter. He eyed it. "I got to get permission to have one of them too?"

She gave him a small snort at that and turned back to finally work at finishing what she was doing in terms of dinner prep. "Those are for Santa but I think you're entitled to one now." She saw him reach out to grab one. "They're sugar, peanut butter, an egg and M&Ms," she warned. "You've been warned."

He took a bite and gave a nod of approval. "Much better than your sugar cookies," he said between bites.

"The recipe on the peanut butter jar was far easier than the Martha Stewart-esque instructions Alex sent for sugar cookies," Olivia said.

"Martha Stewart doesn't have shit on the peanut butter jar," he said.

She cast him a look over her shoulder and gave him a thin smile for his efforts. It was actually a little embarrassing that Brian was a better cook than her – at least in the things he'd made for her and the boys over the past few months. And, she knew when it came to baking, she didn't hold a candle to Alex. But at least the boys liked her cooking for the most part. Even if Brian was only humoring her in that moment. Though, she didn't think he was overly picky either. She'd seen him eat far worse than the supposed 'cookie' that her and Benji had managed to mash together in a bowl and slap on a baking sheet.

She turned back to finishing up the lasagna. Another thing she could manage to slap together and throw in the oven.

"Babe," Brian said a bit more gently and she again glanced over her shoulder. "It smells fantastic in here."

She gave him a thin smile again. "I'm just keeping it simple. Having it ready so we can turn on the oven when we get back in."

He gave a little nod. "Can't wait. Looks great."

She shook her head at him a little. He was laying it on thick. So she turned back to complete the final sprinkling of cheese and then grabbed the foil to cover up the pan.

"What time do we need to get outta here?"

She shrugged. "Should likely head out by about four-four thirty."

"What time's this thing start?"

"Five thirty. But it will likely be full. I want to be able to find a seat," she said.

He gave a little nod. "Yea."

"And there's a carol sing before. Benji will like that. If we're there early."

"Yea," Brian agreed again.

She knew that he wasn't overly excited about attending church with them. But if he hated the idea that much he could've waited until later in the evening to come over or he could've even waited until the morning. He was there. So she hoped he'd come. It'd likely confuse the boys if he didn't.

She could feel him watching her as she finished up wrapping the tray. She briefly opened the fridge and let out a sigh. There was no way it was going to fit in there. It'd just have to sit in the oven until she was ready to heat it. She moved to open it, stooping slightly.

"Liv," Brian said as she straightened.

"Yea," she mumbled, again glancing around the counters and the final mess she was going to have to clean up now.

"Thanks for letting me be here tonight," he said.

She stopped her examination of the kitchen and turned and faced him, giving him a small smile and gently took his free hand, giving it a small squeeze.

"It's fine, Brian," she said. "Stop saying thank you. You're wanted here."

He gave her that pained smile that looked more like a grimace. She wasn't sure he believed her. She wasn't sure he felt like he should be there. Or that he deserved to be there. Or that he was comfortable there.

But however he felt, he was wanted there.


	5. Chapter 5

**Title: Bombshell**

**Author: ZombieJazz**

**Fandom: Law & Order: SVU**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them. Law and Order SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The characters of Jack and Benji have been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

**Summary: A future chapter of Welcome Home. Olivia and Cragen have a conversation about her sons and her future in SVU. Set around Jack's birthday/Christmas. This is a flash forward and will later be moved/added to Welcome Home when it catches up to this point.**

**Author's Notes: This AU series is for SVU fans and readers who want Olivia to have something that resembles a more normal life outside of work and a family of her own - hopefully somewhat realistically within the canon of SVU. Most of the chapters will ultimately take place outside of the work environment, so there aren't going to be too many references to cases from the show. But this story would generally be starting in about Season 15 of the show. Please let me know what you think and if you distribute elsewhere.**

**WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS FOR READERS OF "WELCOME HOME". THIS IS A FUTURE CHAPTER TO 'WELCOME HOME' THAT WILL BE ADDED WHEN THE STORY CATCHES UP TO THAT POINT IN THE TIMELINE. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ IT OUT OF SEQUENCE — JUST WAIT AND EVENTUALLY THIS WILL APPEAR AS A CHAPTER IN THE WH STORY.**

"They're kissing!" Benji called from the kitchen entrance back into the living room and his brother.

Olivia gave a small sigh and move away from Brian's lips, though she stayed settled in his light embrace.

"You told me I wouldn't have to look at that stuff if he was here tonight," Jack shouted from the living room.

Olivia made another noise and rolled her eyes, moving from Brian's arms but still curling her fingers in his as she lead them both back into the living room, nudging Benji to follow along.

"We were in the kitchen," she told Jack as she glanced up at them. "You couldn't see anything."

"See it, be around it. Same thing," Jack said.

She just rolled her eyes, dropping Brian's hand and went over to her oldest, messing up his hair and shaking is head a bit before planting a peck of a kiss against his hairline.

"Gross," Jack informed her and pulled away a bit. "Your mouth was just on his."

She just nudged his shoulder and sat down next to him on the couch. "Totally gross. Now you have Mom AND Brian cooties."

He scrunched up his face at her and wiped feverishly at the spot on his upper forehead where her lips had briefly touched. He looked about eleven years old with his reaction and it made her smile.

She reached out her hand at Benji and he trotted over to her, Olivia pulling him between her knees and wrapping her arms around him, as Brian found a place to settle on the opposite part of the sectional. Olivia gave her youngest a little shake, tickling him and placing some silly light kisses and puffs of air at his temple and ear until Benji giggled madly and squirmed in her embrace.

"Do you want Mommy and Brian cooties too?" she teased him.

Benji just giggled more and squirmed. "Noooooo!" he laughed.

"No?" Olivia said and placed a blowfish kiss against his cheek instead, puffing her cheeks and blowing through the suction until it made the disgusting farting sound that her little boy loved.

He shrieked in hysterics. "Mommmmmmieeee!"

He squirmed even harder away from her and looked at her with the biggest smile. She teasingly stuck her tongue at him and Benji returned it in one of his farting raspberries. It made her smile too and she just gave him another little shake and pulled his forehead gently forward, planting a longer kiss smack in the middle of it before backing away and giving him a gently smile while she brushed some of his bangs away from his eyes. They didn't have any product in his hair yet and his messy faux hawk was getting a little long and floppy when it wasn't styled. She'd have to get him in for a trim and styling while she was off that week.

She turned her little boy to face the big wrapped box they were sitting in front of and leaned to whisper into his ear.

"Should we see what Dandy delivered?"

"Danny leaves magic jammies and Santa's magic key, Mommy," Benji stated firmly but he was already struggling out of her grip and his little arms wrapping around the box. It was likely at least half as big as him.

"I don't know about that," Jack said and sat a little straighter from where he'd been lounging. "That's a lot bigger box than last year."

Benji glanced at this brother and considered that and then looked back at the box with a thoughtful pucker while he processed.

But Jack did have a point. The box was bigger than the previous year. But there was some reason to that madness.

Firstly, Alex had apparently been on another one of her Pinterest trawls. Olivia thought that whole addiction was ridiculous. But she'd stopped making comments on it. It was clear Alex liked it – as humorous as Olivia found that to be, she also couldn't comment too much. It wasn't like she hadn't let sides of herself come out having added children to her life too. If getting to be auntie meant that Alex wanted to become Martha Stewart Living advertorial and Chef Bobby Flay's female counterpart on the side – that was her business. Because the undeniable reality was that Alex had done a lot for her and for her boys – and that it was clear that both the boys took a lot of glee in some of the spoiling that auntie did. And, Olivia took great glee in that when she was struggling with talking sense to Jack herself, Alex was pretty good at laying the smack down in a way that seemed to get him to momentarily shut up and think. So that bought Alex a whole lot of leeway and authority in their makeshift little family unit.

On her latest Pinterest perusing for 'Christmas ideas', though, Alex had apparently stumbled across something called a "Christmas Eve Box", which she seemed to feel Olivia had done for the boys the previous year. They'd had an entire round-about discussion about it with Olivia arguing that she had definitely NOT done a Christmas Eve Box for her children. She definitely did NOT want to be one of those Pinterest women (not that she'd used quite those words when talking to Pinterest Alex).

"I put out pajamas for them," she'd said. "And a key for Santa. Benji was confused about how it all worked. It made him more comfortable with the idea."

"But you put it in a box," Alex stated flatly.

"I wrapped the pajamas."

"In boxes."

"The key came in its own box. That's how they packaged it."

"So you put on boxes," Alex said. "Christmas Eve Boxes."

"They were not Christmas Eve Boxes," Olivia said. "They were pajamas."

"For Christmas Eve. Magically delivered by someone other than you."

"Yes, by Jack who was sitting around the apartment all day," she said.

"According to Ben they were delivered by Dandy the Elf," Alex said.

Olivia rolled her eyes. "That's what you tell a little boy," she said.

"And it sounds a whole lot like what families that do Christmas Eve Boxes tell their kids when their magic package magically arrives," Alex said.

"It gets put out. It doesn't arrive."

Alex just eyed her. "Are you doing a Christmas Eve Box again this year?"

"No," Olivia said. "I am buying new pajamas for the boys to have on Christmas Eve because Benji outgrew his."

Alex nodded. "So that's a yes."

Alex, though, had eventually gotten her Christmas wish – or insistence – that she do a Christmas Eve Box. It had grown out of the fact that both Alex and Brian had sort of hijacked the boys' stockings. Another word she hadn't directly used to either of them. But the reality was that the modest socks of some necessities, some school and art supplies, a couple small trinket toys and some pieces of chocolate were destined to be stuffed to the point of overflowing that year – and not because of Olivia's purchases. Alex and Brian had both seen fit to hand her items with a pass comments of, "I saw this. I thought you could put them in the kids' stockings." Great. Only some of the items weren't anywhere near the $1-$5 items that she'd stuck with the year before. And, there were a couple gift cards from Alex that had been set to put in the stockings that she was sure fell well above of the $25 stocking-spending limit she'd imposed on Jack. The extent of the whole thing had agitated her slightly but other than lecturing them both – again – about what she wanted to spend at Christmas, about how she didn't want the boys to be overwhelmed, and how she didn't want people getting her kids extravagant or excessive gifts, she had mostly let it slide. It's not like some of the things were returnable.

But it also meant that some of her items – that she'd also already purchased and that though they might've been returnable, she didn't really feel like battling lines over stocking stuffer items – had gotten pushed out. She didn't want to get into the practice of having a heaping pile of extras sitting around the stockings for the boys either. She thought that might be overwhelming and confusing for them – and it also just wasn't a precedent she wanted to set. Santa brought a stocking – not a giant pile of gifts. So she had to move the few extras somewhere. And she'd somehow rectified in her mind that it'd be less of a precedent if it was in the PJ box from Dandy the Elf. Again – she knew she was delusional. In one year she'd established that Dandy brought new jammies. Now she'd likely be establishing in Benji's mind that Dandy brought A LOT more than that. But she'd deal with that next year.

The reality was that some of the items she'd moved would be better for the boys to enjoy on Christmas Eve anyways. Beyond that they were going to be home a lot earlier that Christmas Eve than the year before. And even though that was purposeful it also meant she was going to have several more hours of Benji being wired and not wanting to go to bed. The few extra goodies would hopefully help calm him and help them settle into family time that would make getting through the evening a little more manageable.

"Well, let's get it opened and see if there's a reason it's bigger guys," Olivia said. "We don't have all night."

Jack gave her a look. "You're the one who made us wait all afternoon."

She just raised her eyebrow at him. "Help open it," she instructed again more firmly.

He gave her a cheeky grin but sat up straighter and leaned forward to prepare to attack the box with Benji.

"Ready Jamin?" Jack asked, his hands finding his own side of the box.

"YEAH!" Benji agreed.

"Three, two …" Jack started but Benji didn't wait for the 'one', he was already tearing off the paper and her oldest joined him in the ripping.

"It a box," Benji stated the obvious after the paper was off.

"It is a box," Olivia agreed. "Maybe you should open it."

Benji crawled up on top of the coffee table at that and worked at prying open the folds.

"Little Fox, get off the table," Olivia sighed and reached for him. His hands stayed on the flaps even as she pulled his feet back to the ground.

Jack rose and got the rest of the box open, looking down into it, and Benji breaking away from her grip to make sure he got a look too.

Both of the boys' eyes had landed on completely different things when they did look down into it. Though, that wasn't exactly unexpected. Their hands flew out.

"HEY," Jack said and snatched up the DVD sitting on the top of the pile, his face pulling even more into a smile. But Benji had spotted something else and was grabbing in his own direction.

"Rue-dolf!" he shrieked and grabbed for the little stuffie, pulling it to him and into a hug.

Olivia smiled and cast Brian a look at Benji's reaction. He'd been with her when she'd picked that up and had beyond rolled his eyes. Brian didn't excel at cute and she thought he sometimes found when she liked something cutesy for her little boy he found it rather unattractive. But she didn't much care.

She stroked at Benji's shoulder as he admired the toy – almost rocking it like it was a baby doll. As much as Benji sometimes hated playing with girls, she glad that she got him together with Zara for play dates on as regular basis as Nick (who's attitude anymore was a bit of a problem) and Maria (who wasn't thrilled that Nick let their daughter play with her son for whatever convoluted reason she'd developed in her divorced stressed mind). But Zara definitely had taught her son some more tender and caring play than he got from roughhousing and cars and trains and robots and blocks that he got with the boys at school and his brother and Brian. Olivia liked to see the gentle and nurturing side of her little boy. Maybe that was part of the reason she didn't cringe too much at adding to his stuffie collection. If she didn't get to have a daughter to play tea party and Barbie with (which she wasn't entirely sure how much she'd enjoy anyways when she really stopped to think about it), at least she could play dolls (disguised as stuffies) with her son on occasion.

"What you got there, Benj?" she asked gently.

He turned toward her, cradling the little reindeer in his arms, gazing down at it like it really was a baby. "Dandy bring Rue-dolph," he said at a near whisper like the toy was asleep after his long journey.

"Whoa," Olivia had said and given him fake big, shocked eyes.

She couldn't even count how many times she'd had to sit through the old stop-motion Christmas special that holiday season. Over and over and over again. She hadn't seen it since she was a child – because from about nine years old on, Christmas had pretty much ceased to exist to her – but she'd definitely more than made up for the missed years of the TV movie that year. She was pretty sure she could almost recite the show by heart – including all the songs. It'd reached the point that she didn't so much watch it anymore as she occupied the couch with Benji while he stared at it completely transfixed and she worked on whatever files she'd had to drag home that night.

Their Christmas viewing that year hadn't been too varied that year. It was 90 per cent Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Though, she supposed that it was an improvement over watching the Thomas the Tank Engine Christmas specials on repeat the previous year. At least Rudolph seemed sort of Christmas-y. She wasn't sure that Thomas would ever conjure up a Christmas-y feeling for her – no matter if the trains were wearing wreaths or not. Thank God there wasn't a Rescue Bots Christmas special.

Olivia reached out and lifted the little tag she'd tied around the toy's neck for her little boy. "You see this, Little Fox?"

Benji reached and looked at it for a moment and then moved closer to her, huddling against her knees again and holding his stuffie just slightly to her – but clearly not wanting to let it out of his possession.

"Mommy, please read?" he said with his big eyes.

She stroked at his hair a bit more and leaned forward, gripping the tag again. "It says, 'Dear Benji: Our weather radar at the North Pole says it's going to be very foggy in New York City tonight.'"

"Yeah, because the weather sucks here," Jack muttered from where he had been quietly picking the plastic off the DVD, clearly uninterested in the stuffie. Also expected.

She gave him a small snort and shook her head a bit. Jack had had an endless commentary that month about the weather.

"I don't know what's wrong with this city," he'd declared repeatedly.

"I can think of a lot of things that are wrong with this city," Olivia had said. "Some how a lack of snow and freezing weather in December is not one of them."

He'd just glared at her. "How can you have Christmas without snow?" he'd demanded.

She'd argued that he must've had Christmases without snow in the Finger Lakes. But he claimed otherwise. He'd actually gone on some rant about his grandfather and dad taking him out on snowmobiles on Christmas Eve EVERY YEAR (which she also found hard to believe). Picturing Jack on a snowmobile also was a little funny. Actually, her son who constantly complained about being cold doing anything in the snow and actually wanting cold and snow for Christmas was funny in itself.

She'd told him that it was still very possible that they'd have snow for Christmas. The weather in the city was fickle. One good nor'easter just needed to blow through the Tri-State area and they'd could be completely dumped on and then it wasn't likely to disappear very quickly. They'd have all the grey and slush and sleet and ice that Jack could want for weeks – if not months. But that hadn't come to be that year.

It had actually felt more like about March in the couple weeks leading up to the holidays and it'd spent the past few days just pissing rain. He was right – it didn't exactly look like Christmas outside. At least not a white one. But Olivia thought they'd more than made up for that inside the apartment. It was a Christmas explosion in there with the decorations and ornaments and parade of crafts and coloring that her little boy had provided to the space.

There were cookies and a gingerbread house and wrapped presents under the tree and stockings hanging off the backs of their dining room chairs and construction paper loop garlands that the boys had made draped every where. Benji had had the Christmas music going all day. It'd been an interesting mix when set against the soundtrack and Cowabunga-ing of Jack's Ninja Turtle game. There'd been points where Benji had been singing, "Jingle Bells, karate chop, Shredder smells, pizza all the way" with a chorus by Jack that consisted of, "SHUT UP, hit B, no the red one, OK just mash buttons, NOT THAT HARD, you killed us again. JAMIN YOU SUCK!" It just screamed Christmas. Olivia was so glad that she'd booked Christmas Eve Day off – and the whole week between Christmas and New Years. Great idea.

But she ignored Jack's latest comment on the weather and kept reading the tag for her little boy: "Santa wanted you to have Rudolph so he's nose so bright can help him and the reindeer find your Christmas tree tonight. Love, Dandy."

Benji gave her a big smile. "Becuz Rue-dolf's nose glow to help Santa find the way, Mommy!"

She nodded. "It does," she said and then reached and squeezed the toy's little hoof. "Did you see this?" As she squished it between her fingers the stuffie's plastic nose lit up red and Benji screeched with surprise even more.

"MOMMY LOOK!" he near screamed at her and held it up. She barely not to look at it, though, he was turning and showing off the lit up nose to Brian. "BUY-IN LOOK!"

"Very exciting," Brian montoned. He was clearly unexcited. Olivia just gave him a look.

If he didn't want a cutesy Christmas with a five-year-old, he shouldn't have asked to spend the night and day with them. But she'd give him the benefit of the doubt for the moment. She knew he'd do better in the morning when the boys were opening their toys and he had 'boy toys' to play with with them.

Olivia turned to Jack instead. "What else did Dandy bring us, sweetheart?" she asked.

He gave her a smile and held up the movie – more for Benji than her benefit. "Muppets Christmas Carol," he said.

Benji blinked at it and went over, taking it from his uncle's hands. "Movie?"

"Yeah," Jack said. "It's a Muppets movie."

Jack loved the Muppets. He adored them actually. She'd sat several nights of old episodes with him after they'd discovered they could rent entire seasons at the library. It was another thing she found a little funny about him. She'd actually had a conversation with him where he was agonizing over whether Animal or Gonzo were the best character only for him to go on a tangent about how maybe it wasn't even them because the Swedish Chef, Beaker, Sam Eagle and Statler and Waldorf were pretty great. Which had them expanded into, "But then there's Rizzo and Rolf too and Fozzie has his moments. They're just all awesome." The only ones he seemed particularly indifferent to were Kermit and Miss Piggy.

But Jack had told her that he'd watched the show with his father and she could see that in her mind's eye. Jack as a little boy cuddled up on the couch with Jay – both of them laughing as they watched the silly show. She liked that image and she liked being able to share part of that moment and those memories with him now. And, it was a show that she could actually remember watching in her childhood too – unlike Transformers and Ninja Turtles – so that was nice too to revisit it as an adult and to share it with her adult son who was looking at it through different lens. The show was still a classic, though. Still funny and still great family programming. Benji wasn't quite as engaged in it as Jack but he'd often sit through it since his uncle said it was cool – so it was.

Olivia had seen some of the Muppets movies. She was sure she'd caught some a long time ago but they'd been working through them slowly too but she'd never seen this one. She thought Jack would get a kick out of it and it'd be a good Christmas movie – that wasn't Rudolph.

"We have to take dis back to lie-berry tomorrow?" Benji asked as he examined the cover.

"No, Little Fox," Olivia said. "I think Dandy is giving us that so we can have a Christmas movie to watch."

Benji just squinted at it. "It Muppets, not Chris-miss," he said.

"It's a Christmas Carol," Jack said. "It's a Christmas movie."

Benji looked up at him and squinted some more and then went back to looking at the cover.

"Have you seen it?" Olivia asked.

"Likely when I was a kid," Jack said and reached and took the box back from Benji. "Thanks, Mom."

She gave him a thin smile and shuffled Benji back to the box. "What else did Dandy bring?"

Benji looked into the box again and snagged out the little clasped container with Santa's key. He opened it and looked at it thoughtfully and then handed it to her.

"SANTA'S MAGIC KEY!" he told her.

She smiled and gave him a little nod. "Oh, good thing she brought that. I was starting to get worried."

"ME TOO!" Benji said. "How Santa get in if she forget?"

"I guess we would've had to left the sliding door open a crack for him," Olivia said.

"Yeah," Jack interjected, "and then Santa would've gone all Mission Impossible from the roof." That earned a small laugh from Brian, which only made Jack start doing the theme song: "Dun-dun-dun-duh," he intoned. Benji looked at him blankly.

"We leave the key on the door," Benji said like he needed to clarify how the magic worked.

Jack just laughed at him and Benji looked at her haplessly. So Olivia nodded.

"We'll put the key on the front door," she agreed. "What else?" she said and gestured at the box again.

Benji leaned into it again, Rudolph still tucked under his arm and then straightened and held up a mug at her, a cone of gourmet chocolate – complete with a chocolate dipped spoon, marshmallows and peppermint candies resting inside it.

"There four," Benji said.

"Four?" Olivia said and gave him a big surprised look. "One for everyone?" Benji nodded and handed her the mug. "Wow," she said and looked at it. "I think this one might be for Brian," she said of the black NYPD mug that had been handed to her. "You want to give it to him."

Benji snatched it back from her and trotted over to Brian – shoving it into his hands and moving back to the box.

Brian looked at the mug and gave her a smile and shook his head. "I think Dandy might've gone into the bull pen and stolen this."

Olivia raised her eyebrow at him. "Dandy doesn't steal. Dandy borrows. And she's on a budget."

Brian allowed a small chuckle at that and finally managed to lean himself over on his knees to watch Benji work at emptying the box a bit more. He'd pulled out another mug – this one a white NYPD mug.

"Oh, wow," Olivia said. "I bet that one's for Mommy." He trotted over to here and handed it to her. "What about for Little Fox and Growling Fox?"

Benji nodded and went back to the box again, Rudolph falling out from under his arm as he reached and double-fisted the remaining mugs – another black and white – gazing at them until he shrieked, "Planes!" about the lighter colored one.

His excitement was enough that Olivia reached forward to claim the darker mug out of his hand before he dropped it.

"Wow! Your very own mug for your hot chocolate, Benj. And with Planes so you can always remember which ones yours."

Benji nodded at it happily as he examined the picture. "It Rusty," he said. "He put out fires."

"Wow," Olivia agreed again. She'd managed to avoid that Disney movie so far. But she knew that was only going to last about 24 hours more.

The DVD was one of the items that Alex expected her to be able to manage to stuff into a stocking. Olivia had gazed at it and said, "You know, this is a perfectly fine Christmas gift from you – it shouldn't be a stocking stuffer." Alex had shaken her head, "I got him something else for Christmas." Olivia had sighed. She was starting to think the value of the items in the stockings might exceed that of the gifts under the tree. It was ridiculous. Her boys were getting spoiled that year but she kept trying to tell herself that after all they'd been through being spoiled a little once a year wasn't going to corrupt them too much.

Olivia handed the other mug over to Jack before he felt left out. He lit up on seeing it and let out a genuine laugh. "Thanks Mom," he said of the Nightmare Before Christmas mug that had a Jack Skellington decal on the side. He was nearly as obsessed with Jack Skellington as he was with the Muppets, Transformer and Ninja Turtles. She assumed merely because of his name because her son seemed pretty indifferent about the actual movie.

Olivia's only vague hope with the mug was that having one of his own would mean that Jack would actually leave it at the apartment and use it. Because as it was he didn't seem to realize he could rinse out a glass or mug and reuse it during the day. He seemed to like going through their entire cupboard of glasses and mugs in a day – and not putting any of them in the dishwasher. In fact, he often filled them, took a sip, forgot he had them, and then filled another only to take another sip and leave it laying around the house again. It drove her crazy. She fully intended to start asking him where his mug was whenever she saw him with more than one on the go or a pile of dirty, half-full mugs sprawled all over her kitchen counter on the weekends.

"Thank you Dandy and thank you Santa," she reminded Jack.

She liked that Jack was being very considerate about saying thank you – both at his birthday and for nearly every little Christmas-y activity or treat that they'd participated in as a family since Thanksgiving – but she knew if he kept saying "thanks mom" that it'd eventually click with Benji. She didn't want her little boy to clue into that quite yet. She hoped to milk another two or three years of Christmas magic out of having him around.

"Yeah, thanks them too," Jack said.

She gave him a thin smile. But Benji was already in the box again and holding up two ornaments.

"Dis one Benji," he said of the Santa in a firetruck he had in his hand – personalized with his name and the year.

"Then that one must be Jack's," Olivia said and gestured for her little boy to take the police cruiser with the Jolly Elf over to his brother.

Jack gave her another smile as he took it and examined it. "Five more," he told her broadly.

She nodded. "Five more," she agreed of her promise the year before that she'd live up to the tradition his grandmother had started of giving her children and grandchildren a personalized ornament each year up to their 25th Christmas. Of course both of her sons had missed several years along the way – so they might have to make up for that at some point.

She'd put them in the boys' stockings the year before. But considering how fully the stockings were going to be this year, she didn't want to risk the gifts getting crushed or just lost in the shuffle of the day. This way they were definitely both seeing them and they'd get a night to enjoy them on the tree too.

"Why don't you put them on the tree?" she suggested.

Jack nodded and rose, calling at Benji to join him. Benji was pretty transfixed with his ornament. It was a firetruck. It would make a better toy than a decoration in his mind. He was already making engine and siren noises for it with a 'Santa to the rescue' commentary. But he did follow after his brother, moving to the opposite side of the couch as Olivia rose and grabbed her phone to try to get some pictures of them placing the ornaments. She likely should've been taking pictures of the entire box opening but she'd been too present in the moment to be fiddling with her phone.

Brian rose at the same time, though, and grabbed his own phone. "I'll do it," he said. "Go with them."

She gave him a thin smile. "Thanks," she allowed quietly and went and joined the boys at the tree, helping them pick out a perfect branch and get the ornaments hung in visible places. Jack had found his from the previous year and hung it adjacent to show the progression. Benji wanted his within reach – like so many of 'his' ornaments that had become more playthings than decorations since the tree began occupying their living room.

"Mommy we still not find the magic pajamas!" Benji said and returned over to the box after his ornament was in place.

"I'm sure they're in there," she said and followed him back, giving Brian another small smile of thanks as she passed him and his own fiddling with his phone from taking a few pictures for her.

Benji was leaning over the box again and again double fisted items – pulling up a clump of fabric and a book.

"LOOK!" he said.

"Wow," Olivia repeated yet again and set on the couch, gesturing for Jack to return from his examination of the tree. He'd settled into basically redecorating the tree while he was over there. Their tree was a little bottom heavy from Benji's constant removal of the ornaments within reach – and his demands that other ornaments be placed within his reach. It meant that Jack usually ended up over at the tree every night he was there redecorating it to disperse the ornaments a bit more around the entire height and circumference of the tree. It was an endeavor that only ever lasted until morning when Benji was back up and wanting ornaments brought down within his reach again. Him whining at her was better than the first few days where he'd tried to climb the tree to retrieve them himself.

She'd gotten to really redecorate the tree once when the entire thing had tipped over on her Little Fox and sent ornaments flying all over the room. Thankfully that happening once was enough for Benji to learn that whining for the ornaments was better than chambering up the thing and having it tumble on him and his Mommy more than a little raising her voice at him – before she went through that interior freak out and guilt that she hadn't been watching her child well enough and now his face was scraped up by fake Christmas tree branches and he might've gotten a concussion.

She could just imagine having to try to explain that to a social worker if someone at the school or daycare put up a fuss about the scratches and bruises on Benji's face in the aftermath. Thankfully no one had said anything to her and Benji told the story like some sort of badge of pride – likely because Jack and Brian had both laughed so hard when they'd heard about it. Considering their reaction she was likely lucky that Benji hadn't decided it would be great fun to do it again to get their seal of approval. She supposed that meant her initial reaction and the epic timeout in its aftermath had been consequence enough that her little boy knew not to pull that stunt again. He might've been reminded about the Naughty List in the wake of the event as well – and reminded repeatedly since.

Olivia took the clump of pajamas out of her little boy's hand and looked at them and then handed them to Jack. "I think those are Peedg's," she said.

She likely should've taken the time to wrap the individual pajamas but she'd decided just putting them in the box was enough. But now that they were being handed to her in clumps of fabric she was having trouble distinguishing, which was which and who's and who's.

That year she'd decided to go less Christmas-y than the previous year. She hoped it meant that they could get more than just a few night's use out of them before they looked a little tacky and out of season. So she'd just gone with getting everyone blue winter-y looking sleep attire. Her and Benji's had a similar fair isle thermals with snowflake pattern on them and solid navy sleeved shirts. But the size difference made it easy enough to differentiate. Brian and Jack had ended up with perhaps too similar blue flannel pants (she had tried to get something a little different so neither of them would groan at her but plaid patterns could really only look so different).

"Oh, wait," she said and grabbed the pants back from Jack and handed him the other ones with one hand while moving the original pair to Brian. "I think these ones are yours."

He squinted at her. "Are you dressing us the same?"

"His are navy and white, yours are blue, grey and black," she clarified. Jack gazed at her. She leaned forward into the box and retrieved a black tshirt, handing it to her son. "You're grey. He's black." He just kept looking at her. "I don't want you wearing one of your ratty tshirts for pictures tomorrow morning." He just kept blinking at her. "Thank you Dandy," she said for him.

Jack just snorted and looked down at the PJs in his hand. "At least they feel soft," he said.

She nodded and looked at Brian. He was just looking at the pants too without comment. "They're soft," she provided for him.

He gave a nod and gave her a look. She just sighed at the both of them.

"THEY MAGIC!" Benji provided on her behalf. "Buy-in you have to wear them so you sleep right becuz Santa only come if you sleep. It how the magic work."

"I'll wear them so Santa can come," Brian conceded.

Benji held up his jammies in a sloppy manner at her. "Mine no-flakes, Mommy."

"Wow," she said and smoothed hers over her knees too. "Mine are snowflakes too, Little Fox."

He crushed himself against her in a hug. "We the same," he said.

She rubbed at his back. "Mommy Fox and Little Fox," she agreed. She then leaned forward again and took the next item out of the box. "Did you see this, Benj?"

Her little boy pulled away from her slightly to look at the book she was holding and his eyes lit up again. "STORY!" he cheered.

Olivia nodded and pointed at the cover. "Do you recognize it, Little Fox? It's the Grinch Who Stole Christmas."

Benji took the book from her hands and started paging through it while still leaning against her knees, gazing at each of the photos. "We watch movie," he said.

"We did," she agreed. "I think what Dandy is trying to tell us is that after we get home from church we should have dinner and then all put on our new jammies and make hot chocolate and watch the movie. Then we can read the story and go to bed so Santa can come."

"Yeah, but we're still going to read Nana's story tonight, right?" Jack interjected with some concern in his voice.

Olivia looked at him and nodded, giving him a thin smile and stroking at Benji's hair while he gazed at his new Christmas book. She'd decided she definitely wanted to get Benji a Christmas book each year to have in their little family's collection. So far they just had the two anthologies that Jack had brought for them from his childhood. They were beautiful but they were missing some of the more modern stories that she hoped to share with her son and she'd learned the past two years that if you wanted Christmas books out of the library you had to get their reservations in early so you could actually have them around the holidays. She'd missed the boat on that both years.

"We're definitely still going to read Nana's Twas the Night Before Christmas," Olivia told Jack reassuringly. She felt honored to have that antique pop-up book in her possession. So honored that she actually got a little scared when the boys had it out looking at it. It was so beautiful and so delicate for them to be pulling at the tabs and wheels and pulls. But she reminded herself that Jack's grandmother had clearly intended to share it with her children and her grandchildren – to let them read it and play with it and pass it on too. It wasn't Olivia's place to limit that now or to treat the book like some sort of museum item. It was something for the boys to enjoy and a way for them to still feel that touch and connection with their grandmother and biological family.

"I get to make reindeer fly and make Santa go up chimmey," Benji provided.

Olivia nodded. "You can very carefully do those things," she agreed. "And make sugar plums dance in their heads and tear open the shutters."

"And I call by name," Benji said. "On Dasher! And Dancer! Prancer! Vincent!"

"Vixen," Jack groaned.

Benji ignored him. "On Comet and Stupid!"

"Cupid," Jack said. "You aren't supposed to say stupid, Stupid."

Benji was on too much of a roll to even hear that comment, though Olivia gave Jack a short glare and a little elbow.

"On GONER!" Benji cheered.

"Doner," Jack added.

"AND BLIT-SIN!"

Jack just looked at him. "How can you say Blitzen but you don't know how to say Vixen?"

"It Vincent," Benji stated a matter-of-factly.

"It is not Vincent," Jack insisted. "It's Vixen."

"Vincent," Benji said again.

Olivia just let out a laugh and looked at Brian who was finally smiling too. It was a conversation that had been had repeatedly over the course of the month. It'd only increased with their repeated viewings of Rudolph. So much so that she knew exactly what the next statement out of her little boy's mouth would be.

"Mommy, why Santa not call Rue-dolf?" Benji asked and dove away from her to find his stuffie on the floor and held it up to her pleadingly – as though she'd understand what an atrocity it was that something so cute wasn't called by name.

"Well, remember Little Fox, Twas the Night Before Christmas happened a long time before Rudolph was born so Santa didn't have him to help pull his sleigh yet. We've talked about this."

Benji gazed at her. "So why they not write story again?"

"Because it's a classic," Jack said and leaned forward to look into the box, which she thought he likely assumed was empty now that they'd retrieved their pajamas. But he looked over her shoulder, giving her a questioning look. "There's wrapped presents in here," he said.

She just shrugged at him, like she didn't know anything about that. He squinted at her but leaned forward again and took out an envelope that had his name written on the front. He gave her another look and Olivia shrugged again.

"Don't look at me," she said. "I don't know what they do up at the North Pole." Benji perked up a bit at that and went back to the box looking in but Olivia grabbed his arm gently. "Let's let Jack read the note," she instructed.

Jack gave her another skeptical look but worked at tearing the envelope and unfolding the piece of paper. He read it in silence and gave her another questioning look, though she could see his face starting to change as he processed it.

"PEEDG! What it say?" Benji demanded.

"Ah …" Jack said and looked at her but he shook his head and looked away. She knew he'd likely figured out what was still in the box.

"Here," she said and gently took the letter out of his hand and pulled Benji back between her knees again, holding the letter down so they both could look at it. "Dear Jack," she read slowly to Benji, leaning forward so she was almost whispering into his ear. "I know you looked very hard for these at the farm so you and Benji could have them for your beds. Since you couldn't find them, I found them for you and I wanted you to have them on yours bed for Christmas Eve. Love, Santa."

Benji's mouth gaped and he looked to Jack who's eyes were already looking watery. "Peedg! Santa send your present early!"

Olivia leaned forward and pulled the box closer but Brian stood and retrieved the two soft but bulky packages awkwardly out of the box for her.

"I think Santa sent an early present for you too, Little Fox," she said and pulled him up next to her on the couch, settling the one gift into his lap and handing the other to Jack.

He took it but gave her a sad look. "You're going to make me cry," he said quietly.

She gave him a little shrug. "You're allowed to cry, sweetheart."

He looked down at the bulky gift in his lap. "I don't want to cry," he said.

"I'd like you to open your present," Olivia told him gently. "Santa would really like you to have it tonight."

Benji puckered watching them and looked at his present. "I open mine, Mommy," he told her cautiously.

She gave him a little smile and cupped his cheek for a moment. "I'd like you and Peedg to open these presents at the same time," she said and gave Jack a look. "So you just tell us when you're ready."

Jack gave a little nod and let out a slow breath but then gave her a look. "OK," he said. "I'm good."

She gave him a thin smile and then rubbed Benji's shoulder. "OK, Little Fox, go ahead," she said but she turned the majority of her attention to watching Jack pick at the tape and then rip at the paper until he carefully pulled out the grey wool blanket and set it on his lap, spreading his fingers over top of it and feeling the weight and the softness of the fabric under his hand.

They'd searched and searched and searched the farmhouse, the barn, the stables and the work shed for thick wool horse saddle blankets. They'd been among the only items that Jack truly wanted from the farm. He wanted one for him and he wanted one for Benji. He wanted these blankets that reminded him of the positive things about the farm. Something that reminded him of his grandparents and his father and his sister – and Benji's biological mother. Something that he related to the horses he'd gotten to care for. Something that had kept him and Benji warm for nights and nights of cold that pained Olivia to think about. Something that, in essence, he'd saved her little boy with.

His uncle wouldn't give them a straight answer about if there were any horse blankets left anywhere on the farm. Though, the horses were gone. Instead, he just seemed to take some sort of sick amusement in watching them play some sort of fucked-up hide-and-seek as Jack insisted on checking every nook-and-cranny in a quietly frantic search. Olivia could see the emotion in her son that day – the devastation that he wasn't going to get to leave there with the blankets. She thought they'd both known that from about the moment Greg had shrugged off the question about their location and if Jack could have two. But she could also see how hard Jack had struggled to hide any sort of emotion about it. How programmed he'd been to not show any sort of emotion in front of that man. How registering any of it – anger, fear, sadness, hurt – was just a sign of weakness that would be picked on and exploited. How much it hurt her to think about her son – barely 15 and left alone with that man – had to live in that environment. How if Greg was fine being the way he was being in front of her and Brian and Bayard and his own lawyer and his own supervising authorities from town – how more torment he must've put her boys through when no one was looking – when the whole community was turning a blind eye to what was going on.

The day at the farm had caused an ache in her that was still hurting. It was an experience that even with just having had to be there for a matter of hours she knew she'd been recovering from for months if not years. It had brought into a far more stark reality what her children had come from, what they endured and just what sort of scars they were coping with. It was a wonder they were as well adjusted as they were. It was a wonder that they weren't more damaged. Some times if she dwelled to long she felt like it was a wonder that Benji had even lived through it and she knew for all Jack's flaws that the fact her little boy was still breathing was mostly to his credit.

Her son who tried so hard to hide his emotions – still. But didn't do a very good job at it. So many of them were bubbling just below the surface. And she wanted him to so much know that he was allowed to show them however he wanted or needed to. That he didn't need to be embarrassed by them – especially around her. He could cry. He could laugh. He could yell and scream. There was very little he could ever do that would make sure walk away from either of her boys. Especially now – now more so than ever. And she at least thought Jack senses that and truly understood that now. He'd been different since being at the farm. Quieter, calmer, clingy, more grateful, more mature. More stable. But shedding some tears now wasn't a sign of instability.

"It a horse blanket!" Benji cried out as he got his blue wool blanket open and gazed at it with some awe. "It like in the barn, Peedg!" Benji buried his face smack into the wool. "It don't smell like the barn."

Jack cracked a smile at that and looked at his little brother. "No, it doesn't smell like the barn," he agree.

Olivia gave him a little smile. "I don't think you can buy that smell," she provided.

Jack gave her a little smile. "Yea, probably not," he said but his face fell and a tear streamed down his cheek. He drew the blanket a bit closer to his chest. "Thank you, Mom," he said.

She gave him her own weak smile and watery eyes before leaning forward and putting a half-arm hug around him and a kiss against his temple. "You're welcome," she said.

"I know they're expensive and you probably had to special order them," Jack said through a cracked voice.

She just shrugged and smoothed at the hair from the crown of his head to the nape of his neck.

It was true. It'd taken some research to fully understand what it was that he was talking about when it came to 'horse blankets' before she realized it was 'saddle blankets' that he was referring to. And it'd taken more time to find something appropriate for her boys. The Woolrich civil war wool blankets had been what she'd eventually settled on for her boys – Gettysburg for Jack and the Calvary colors for Benji. They weren't cheap but they'd be family heirlooms – something her little boys would have forever and could pass on to their own children or grandchildren. That was priceless.

"Santa's workshop makes all sorts of things in the off-season," she told Jack quietly.

He sputtered out a small laugh between his quiet tears and she just pressed enough kiss against his temple before straightening and giving his bicep a vigorous rub.

"And, you can't put a price tag on the two healthy, beautiful boys a couple other horse blankets managed to help get to me safely," she said. "We'll see what these two bring me now."


	6. Chapter 6

**Title: Bombshell**

**Author: ZombieJazz**

**Fandom: Law & Order: SVU**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them. Law and Order SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The characters of Jack and Benji have been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

**Summary: A future chapter of Welcome Home. Olivia and Cragen have a conversation about her sons and her future in SVU. Set around Jack's birthday/Christmas. This is a flash forward and will later be moved/added to Welcome Home when it catches up to this point.**

**Author's Notes: This AU series is for SVU fans and readers who want Olivia to have something that resembles a more normal life outside of work and a family of her own - hopefully somewhat realistically within the canon of SVU. Most of the chapters will ultimately take place outside of the work environment, so there aren't going to be too many references to cases from the show. But this story would generally be starting in about Season 15 of the show. Please let me know what you think and if you distribute elsewhere.**

**WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS FOR READERS OF "WELCOME HOME". THIS IS A FUTURE CHAPTER TO 'WELCOME HOME' THAT WILL BE ADDED WHEN THE STORY CATCHES UP TO THAT POINT IN THE TIMELINE. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ IT OUT OF SEQUENCE — JUST WAIT AND EVENTUALLY THIS WILL APPEAR AS A CHAPTER IN THE WH STORY.**

Brian let out a small groan and stirred slightly under where she was resting against him.

"Your kids are calling you," he muttered.

She rubbed her cheek against his chest and moved her hand, gripping him in an embrace a bit more tightly. "I can hear them," she offered quietly.

She felt him lift his head from the pillow slightly and look down his body at her with that comment. "You going to answer?"

"Mmmm," she mumbled. She had yet to open her eyes. "I was hoping if I ignored them they might go back to bed for a bit."

He let out a small snort as his head fall back onto the pillow. She could feel him gazing at the ceiling while she could still her her sons' voices on the other side of the apartment.

"MOMMY FOX!" Benji called out. "IT CHRIS-MISS!"

"Maybe she's still sleeping," she heard Jack say – also none too quietly.

"What time is it?" Brian asked under her.

She didn't need to look. "Early," she said. "Too early."

Olivia didn't think either of them had really slept – and really they'd likely only been afforded the opportunity for a matter of hours anyways.

By the time they'd gotten home from mass, it was definitely evening. Despite her best efforts to start calming the boys – to get Benji ready for bed and Jack spooling down and heading to bed on his own accord – or at least turning a blind eye so she could have Santa make his visit – neither of her sons had gotten to bed and to sleep anywhere near the time she'd hoped.

The boys had been near giddy by the time they'd gotten to church. She wasn't sure how that worked. Maybe it was the symbolism of it. That the night had officially begun. That Christmas was officially there. But rather than calming them – it had definitely spooled them up.

They'd been excited to be in their Christmas clothes. There hadn't been a fight to get them dressed. Jack was happy to have on his new shirt and his new tie and his new cufflinks and his new tie bar and his new pocket square. And as usual, if Jack thought it was cool – then Benji did too. So there hadn't been any fuss when she'd been helping him get ready to head out.

Without Elliot that year telling her to get to church hours ahead of schedule – they hadn't. That was a bit of a mistake. She'd still known it'd be busy – it was Christmas Eve. But she thought a lot of people likely favored the midnight mass or the evening vigils if they were going to go. Even though she knew that a children's liturgy would likely be appealing to parents she thought the timing of this particular one would make it difficult for a lot of families to get to. They would've had to have at least the afternoon off work, which she supposed a lot of people did. But at the time she thought it'd work out for them.

It had. But they'd definitely had to do an entire circuit of the church searching for a pew to fit into. She was pretty certain they were going to end up finding somewhere to stand but thankfully some people had shuffled over. They'd had to split up – squished against each other in pairs – but they did get to sit down. Not that Benji had really sat during any of it.

Benji had been excited by the children's choir and the religious carols. He'd been even more excited by the nativity play being acted out. Who needs Broadway when the youth group at the church puts on an annual pageant? Jack had made her smile when he'd recited to her the various roles he'd had in his church's nativity growing up. He even rattled off some line from the year he was six years old and got cast as the angel Gabriel. She thought she'd like to see some pictures of that and told him as much. "No way," he'd responded. "You'd laugh." She'd just shrugged. She wasn't sure she'd laugh but it would make her smile. She was already doing that.

They'd been stuck in the church for a while after the mass. It was so crammed full it took a while for everyone to clear out anyways but Benji had insisted on going up to the crèche to do his viewing of the Baby Jesus. Olivia was sure Brian wondered what the hell they were doing and how he'd volunteered to participate in this. Spending the night at a bar was probably starting to seem far more entertaining than her family. Some of his body language was seeming to hint as at much too.

"Mommy why we don't bring a present for Jesus?" Benji asked as they looked at the nativity display. "Like the Wise Men?"

"Because we aren't very wise," Jack had deadpanned.

Olivia cast him a look. "Us being kind to each other and giving each other gifts of time, love and generosity is the only gifts that the Baby Jesus wants," Olivia had tried instead.

Benji looked up at her, blinking as he attempted to process that. She thought he was really trying to comprehend it but then he asked, "Why we not have birthday cake for Jesus birthday?"

Jack had laughed. "Christmas cake is his birthday cake," he'd said.

"It not have icing," Benji said.

"The fruit is its icing," Jack said.

Benji thought about that. "Christmas cake gross," he said.

"It's awesome," Jack interjected.

Olivia just shook her head. Her son's eating of Christmas fruit cake was disgusting. She thought he was likely one of the only people in the country under the age of 70 who enjoyed Christmas cake.

"It not have candles," Benji provided after a moment.

"Because it'd need about a billion candles," Jack said. "There's not room."

"More like two thousand," Olivia had told him.

Jack looked at her. "There's still not room," he said.

They'd stayed looking at the doll for so long that the priest had returned and apologized but he needed to retrieve the figure as they prepared for the next mass. Olivia took it as the hint that they should likely be clearing out before the next wave of people came in and they got stuck in there before a whole new crowd.

It hadn't been raining when they'd left the church and rather than making a beeline for the subway they'd wandered several blocks – just talking and looking at some of the lights and decorations and storefronts. It was dark at that point and most places had rolled up the street to let families go and celebrate. But there was still activity around them and the city seemed lit up.

It'd felt nice to Olivia to just trail down the street after her sons. They were busy chatting together. Jack completely playing into Benji's excited Christmas and Santa chatter. Her little boy was on edge about if Santa was going to bring his Dinobot or if Santa was going to bring Lego and what would be in his stocking. M&Ms. Benji was certain that Santa would bring him M&Ms – because Santa knew he liked M&Ms. Jack seemed just as certain that Santa would have new charcoal pencils in his stocking and York peppermint patties.

"Maybe a GODZILLA SIZED one," Jack had said with the biggest grin and cast her a look. She'd caught it and purposely made a gagging face but he'd just grinned more.

Benji looked up at him in some awe. "There gaw-zill-a M&Ms, Peedg?"

"Likely. If there aren't Santa could figure out how to make it. I bet Santa's workshop can make M&Ms as big as your head," Jack had suggested.

Benji's mouth hung open. "Maybe Santa put that in my stocking."

Jack shrugged. "Maybe. But then it'd take up your whole stocking. So maybe not."

Benji reminded him that they needed to put out carrots for the reindeer. Jack contended that the reindeer preferred celery sticks smeared with peanut butter instead.

The idea had left Benji dumbfounded. "We be their fav-it kids in the whole building, Peedg, if we leave them peanut butter!"

"We totally will," Jack had agreed.

The whole conversation had left Olivia smiling to the point that her face hurt. She wasn't even sure if her boys cared she was barely a step behind them and could overhear everything they were saying in their excited anticipation.

She'd found her hand finding Brian's and just enjoying the stroll – just listening to her boys. He'd been quiet too – just listening and sharing the time and space with her family. It boggled her mind how much – and how quickly – her life had changed but how natural it felt in so many ways. This was right for her. This was what her life was supposed to look like.

Her boys weren't perfect. Her family was far from perfect. Her relationship with Brian wasn't anywhere near what she imagined her next partnership would look like – it wasn't anything resembling perfect. But all of it – her boys, her family, her relationship – they were working in that moment. They just were. That's all she needed because the rest would just work itself out as it may as things happened. The rag-tagged little group of them would just keep rolling with the punches and working it out – and eventually things did work out. Not perfectly – but they did. She thought her life in that moment was complete evidence of that – in every perfect way.

They gotten home and she'd put the lasagna in the oven, mixed a Caesar salad and readied the garlic bread while setting the table with wine glasses for all four of them – pouring cold milk into her son's little goblets and gracing hers and Brian's with a bottle she'd treated herself to for the holidays. Then she'd wandered back into the living room where all three of the guys were flaked out on the couch – still in their shirts and ties – and deeply absorbed in Ninja Turtles yet again, now with three controllers available. She'd sat down and claimed the fourth, joining them in the defense of New York City until the oven timer went off.

She found herself finding just as much joy watching her sons eat their Christmas Eve dinner as she had listening to them walking home. They still hadn't changed when they sat down at the table and she'd gone and tied a dishtowel around Benji's neck in an attempt to save his outfit from the inevitable as he threw food at his mouth. Jack had apparently liked the idea and had gone and got his own to sit hunched over his plate.

Though she regularly made pasta for her boys, lasagna was a special treat and they both were devouring it, sopping up every last bit of sauce and cheese with the crunchy bread and bestowing her with compliments about how good it was.

"Mommy, maybe since it Chris-miss Eve we should put Mmmeems on the 'zanga?" Benji suggested out of nowhere. "Like Buddy."

Olivia had looked up from her meal and looked right at Brian who had actually cracked a big smile at that comment. He'd brought over Elf for the boys to watch a week or so before. Brian thought Will Ferrell was hilarious – Elf was not the only Will Ferrell movie that he owned. But likely about the only one she'd endure and let her boys watch too. The boys had loved it and apparently Benji had retained more of the movie than she thought.

"No! We should put maple syrup on it!" Jack had suggested with a big grin and then gazed at his plate. "I bet that this would actually taste pretty awesome with syrup."

Olivia shook her head hard. The thought made her dry heave just slightly. "I think you'll get lots of candy and sugar tomorrow between Auntie Alex and Santa bringing treats."

"But it's one of the four main food groups," Jack said with dead seriousness. "Candy, candy canes, candy corn, syrup."

"Not in this family," Olivia said.

"SON OF A NUTCRACKER!" Jack declared and gave her a ridiculous smile, especially when Benji joined him in that faux curse. "SON OF A NUT-CACKER!" Benji added just as enthusiastically and laughed like it was the funniest joke ever, even though he had no idea what he was saying.

But it got another little laugh out of Brian and she gave him another look and he just looked at his plate and mumbled, "They've got that right." She'd given him a kick under the table but he'd just given her an amused look. He likely thought he was in trouble for finding some other way to corrupt her children.

"What do you think Santa put in your stocking, Mommy?" Benji had asked.

"Hopefully a nutcracker," she said and gave Brian eyes.

"That could be taken so many ways," he mumbled at her with a full mouth.

She just rolled her eyes. "I'll be happy with whatever Santa brings," she said, turning her attention back to her small son. "It's the thought that counts."

Jack gave her a huff. "Yeah … but …"

She just gave him a smile. "I'll be happy with whatever Santa brings," she said again. "And I'm excited to see what he does bring."

She didn't want to say anything or speculate on what might or might not be in it. She'd put a strict spending limit on Jack – for presents and for the stocking. She'd managed to get him to agree to let Brian help him with her stocking but she'd placed a strict spending limit on him too. Beyond that Christmas was for the kids. The gift for her was purely having the boys in her life and getting to see them interact with the magic of the whole holiday season – not just the single day or few hours that morning.

"OK," Jack said. "What candy do you hope you get? Which one of the four food groups?"

She let out a small laugh at that. Her kids were just as excited about the food and special treats of the day as they were about any of the toys or presents. She thought they might be more excited about some of the food and candy. But even though that made her smile she knew it was also telling about the depravity they'd experienced in the past. Food – and full bellies – was special to them. It was still something to get excited about and to look forward to.

"Hmm …," she thought about it again.

"You like dark chocolate," Jack said.

She nodded. "I do."

"She likes fancy European chocolate," Brian added.

She looked at him and gave him a smile. "I do," she agreed.

"Brian wants Santa to put beer in his stocking," Jack had said.

"Chocolate beer?" Benji asked confused.

"That likely exists," Brian allowed.

"Sounds disgusting," Jack said.

"Yeah, well, you keep thinking beer is disgusting for another year at least and your ma will be happy," Brian had said.

"Santa will likely bring Brian coal," Jack said but made the statement theatrically and directed at Benji.

Her little boy's eyes got big and he looked at Brian in a panic. "Why you get co-elle, BUY-IN?"

"Because he's been naughty," Jack teased and gave Brian a look. Brian gave him annoyed look. "Just ask Mommy."

Benji looked at Olivia with pleading eyes like this was suddenly the worst news ever.

"I'm sure Brian won't be getting coal for Christmas," she assured and gave Jack warning eyes.

Benji looked to Brian. "Buy-in maybe you should leave Santa a letter and tell him 'bout all the bad guys you catch so he know you a good guy."

"Sounds like a plan," Brian had conceded. But he'd remained rather quiet during the rest of dinner. Almost too quiet. She'd noticed he seemed even more silent while they were in the kitchen cleaning up and as the boys picked out some cookies to put out on a plate for dessert while they watched their movie, Brian had disappeared.

She'd gone looking for him and found him changing in her bedroom. She'd gently reminded him to please put on his 'magic pajamas' to appease Benji. He'd given her a bit of a look but had complied and pulled off the tshirt he did have on to replace it with the new one that had been in the box. He'd given her another look when he got it over his head and had then grabbed at the sleep pants.

"Jack was only teasing you," she said. Though it wasn't a complete tease. Jack had helped a bit with Brian's stocking too and he'd found chunks of chocolate coal that he thought would be hilarious to put in the man's stocking. But Olivia thought at the time Brian would see the humor in it. Maybe not.

Brian had shrugged, though. "Yeah. Jack's being Jack," he said flatly.

"Cass …" she sighed. "Com'on."

She didn't want Jack's sarcasm to derail the night. She thought all the boys had been getting along. She'd been impressed with how well Jack and Brian had been doing with each other since the farm. And, it'd seemed like they were putting in some extra effort with each other in the lead up to Christmas. They were letting them all be a family so she didn't have to divide up time and activities to get to spend time with her oldest son and her boyfriend. She'd actually thought they'd seemed pretty functional. Pretty normal. She sort of liked it. She hoped that it would continue beyond the holiday season. But she wasn't sure that was the vibe she was getting out of Brian that evening. He'd seemed off since he arrived from work. She wasn't really sure he wanted to be there with how he was holding himself and interacting with them – and she really didn't want him to be there if he didn't want to be there. It was putting a damper on things for her and she didn't want anything to escalate to the point that it caused some sort of blow up with her boys.

"Is tonight really that awful?" she'd said to him.

He'd gazed at her with that comment. He looked confused – and a little hurt.

"You don't seem to be having a very good time," she said.

He gazed at her. "It's not that."

She let out a slow breath. "You mind telling me what it is? Because if Jack – or me – has said or done something to upset you, I want to get it resolved now. I don't want it to develop into something."

"It's not that either." He gave her a thin smile but looked a way. "I just didn't think I'd get a Christmas like this at this point. It's nice, Liv. It's just making me think too much. Sorry."

She sighed and gazed at the floor for a moment. "Bri, I do understand. I spent a lot of the holidays last year wrapped up in my own crap. My childhood. My mother. Christmases past. What the hell was going on with the boys and what the hell was going to happen. If that'd be the only Christmas I got and there wouldn't be another. But if you live in the past and you worry about the future – you're going to miss the now. You don't want to miss the now. There is a whole lot of now going on out there. A lot of now is coming out of their mouths that you don't want to miss."

He nodded and she left. There wasn't much more she could say. She'd like him to perk up a bit but Brian was only really ever so perky. And she knew that the holidays were bringing up a lot of things for him – and for them. In some ways the farm had brought all of them closer and then tumbling into the holiday season almost immediately after that had only served to provide other opportunities for them to feel closer and like a family. But there'd been challenges too. She knew it was causing some inward reflection for both of them about just where they at and just what they were doing.

It'd been more than a year since they'd been back in each others lives to an increasing degree of intimacy. But she wasn't sure that either of them really knew what they wanted or if they were working. They worked but they also didn't work. They'd grown closer, though. They cared about each other. And Brian clearly cared about her boys too. They were good friends at that point. How much they were beyond that? Olivia still wasn't sure but she did know that the fact she had the boys complicated the uncertainty for both of them. It was likely part of the reason they were both still trying. Maybe not so much for them as they were trying for the boys?

They'd had some little bumps along the way in the lead up to the holidays. But she also thought that because of those bumps they'd had some of the most real discussions they'd ever had. They'd talked about her childhood and his childhood. Their Christmases as children. The lack of money and the lack of a father in his house. The alcoholic mother and mystery father and hatred of men that had permeated her home life. The scars that had left on them. Implications it had for them as adults. In their own lives. In their work lives. In their interactions with the boys. In their world perspectives and things they each separately hoped and wanted for her sons. Their views of parenting and discipline and techniques and morals.

Some of it was hard conversation. Some of it was enlightening. And some of them had ended in their usual typical fashion of the one of them realizing they were talking and had probably revealed more than they wanted to – so they reverted back to don't ask, don't tell.

But whatever had been said or held back – she thought they'd come to know about each other and know each other in a very different way than they had before that month. And Olivia wanted them to have a nice Christmas too – even if it was as good friends in an imperfect relationship. Maybe that's all they could expect. They were imperfect and flawed people. But she thought she could accept that. She could work with it – in some capacity. Just like with everything else – she could make it work in that moment. For her, for him – and for her sons.

They'd eventually all gathered in their new PJs on the couch and cuddled under the boys' new blankets with their hot chocolate and Christmas cookies and watched the Christmas Carol. Considering it was a Muppets movie and a children's rendition of the Christmas Carol, it'd still been a little creepy at certain parts for Benji. But Jack had seemed to enjoy it. He especially enjoyed having Gonzo as the narrator – possibly confirming for him that the blue thing was the best character.

Olivia had just enjoyed the experience of being gathered in the living room with her boys. Benji had ended up cuddling up with Brian and she thought that helped whatever it was that he was stewing about and over-thinking. For all Brian's flaws in the relationship and as a boyfriend, he was consistently kind to her little boy. Consistently struck her attention how good he was with her youngest son. But through the bits and pieces of serious conversation they managed – about their wants and dreams and what they had (or did) want out of their lives and the future – Olivia knew that when Brian was younger he'd wanted a family and that he had specifically wanted a little boy and the Little League games and the football matches to go to. Sometimes Olivia wasn't entirely sure if that was what he still wanted and still saw in his future now that he'd had more than a glimpse of what family and parenting and children involved when you got past the fantasy of the fun and games. But even if it wasn't, Brian was unmistakably good with kids. Though, she supposed that shouldn't surprise her too much. Having some knack with children was a perquisite for most SVU detectives. It just wasn't something that she would've ever immediately related to Brian Cassidy and that she still found herself looking at with some awe sometimes. A reminder that under the gruffness there was a nice man. A bit of a rough and tumble softy.

Jack had meanwhile did his typical stance of 'I want some affection but I'm way too old to be getting affection from mom'. So the pillow had gotten tossed at her – first hitting her in the face, because apparently that was funny – before it'd ended up in her lap and his head leaning against the side of her thigh while trying not to lie anywhere on her as he flopped down the one length of the sectional. He didn't do it often but she sort of treasured when he did. Jack was a bit of a rough and tumble softy too.

They'd cuddled into an even bigger mound when the movie was over and she'd read the boys the two stories. She thought Jack would pretend he wasn't interested in listening but there hadn't been any comment from him at all. In fact, he'd wordlessly took up occupancy on one side of her while Benji leaned against her opposite side and gazed at the pictures. Even Brian had stayed on the couch for the readings and hadn't wandered off to the kitchen or to fiddle with his phone and whatever pressing work situation was still distracting him.

They'd worked at putting out Santa's milk and cookies after that. The boys had had a bit of debate about just how many cookies they should be leaving Santa. Benji thought the entire tray of cookies they'd made that afternoon should be left out. Jack was grossly opposed to that idea. Olivia was too but likely for reasons contrary to Jack's. She didn't know what she was supposed to do with an ENTIRE TRAY of cookies to make it look like Santa had eaten them. Jack was clearly much more concerned that he was going to miss getting to scarf down the cookies himself.

The poor man could only eat so many cookies in each appointment, Olivia had tried to reason with her little boy. He had a lot of families to get through in one night. Imagine how sick he'd be if every child left him an entire tray of cookies, she'd argued with Benji.

"He not be sick," Benji had said. "He be fat. Santa fat."

"No, he'd be puking all over the reindeers," Jack had contended.

Benji squinted at him. "My cookies not make Santa puke."

"You make him eat a whole tray they will," Jack had argued.

Olivia wasn't really sure how they'd managed to convince Benji that leaving two cookies out was a reasonable amount. But the important thing was that they had. And that only left what to leave Santa to drink to argue about.

Benji was adamant that they leave out milk. "MILK AND COOKIES!" he argued.

Jack wanted to leave out egg nog. Brian had even gotten in on that conversation and said that what Santa wanted was a nice dark Christmas Ale.

Jack had looked at him. "Since when does Santa drink beer?"

"This year, in his house, Santa needs a drink," Brian had deadpanned.

Jack just rolled his eyes at him. "Santa doesn't drink and fly."

"Technically he sits there," Brian said. "The reindeer are doing the flying."

"He's doing the steering," Jack argued.

Olivia thought the entire discussion was ridiculous. But it made her smile some more. Though she'd eventually broken it up with her own suggestion that Santa likely needed coffee.

Benji had won. As per usual. But at that point Olivia was ready to say pretty much anything to get her Little Fox into bed. It was way, way, way passed his bedtime. But she finally managed to get his new blanket lain across his bed, her little boy tucked into it and Rudolph tucked under his arm as they lay in wait for Santa.

Then it was only a matter of getting Jack to go to sleep – which also wasn't happening. By the time she'd finished getting Benji tucked in, Jack had settled back into the couch with Brian for yet another round of Ninja Turtles. It'd taken a bit to coax Brian away from the videogame but he'd managed to drag himself away to help her with unboxing and setting up Benji's Santa gift and stocking. But she'd then had to all out order Jack to head to bed so she could put out Santa's presents and stuff the stockings and hopefully get a few hours of sleep too.

He'd huffed at her but had vacated the couch. She could still hear him moving around in the bedroom for ages, though, and when she'd peaked down the little hallway she could see the glow of his phone coming through the crack of the door. She was starting to think he was never going to go to sleep. But eventually when she'd decided to go in there and tell him to turn off the phone and call it a night, she'd found that both of the boys were in his futon wrapped up under his new horse blanket and fast asleep. The phone had fallen to Jack's chest and still playing when she went to pick it up and put it on the bedside table. They'd been watching Arthur Christmas on the little screen when they'd finally drifted off.

"They're asleep," she'd told Brian when she'd re-emerged.

He'd rubbed at his eyes. "Finally," he'd muttered.

And, though, she thought he was ready for bed at that point and probably a little over Christmas, he'd been patient and helpful in finishing up with the stockings and setting out the boys Santa presents. He'd been much more skilled than her at figuring out how to cram the surplus stocking items into the fabric socks – and she'd watched with some appreciation as she saw the care and thought he'd put into the items he'd picked out for the boys to add to each. It wasn't just random junk and knick-knacks. He clearly knew both of her sons – their likes and interests – and he'd clearly been listening to her too about her intentions for Christmas and how she wanted to raise and treat her sons.

Still, it'd been almost 1:30 a.m. when they'd collapsed into bed. But even then they'd laid there for a while – staring at each other. It felt strange having a man in her bed that night. To be sharing space with someone on Christmas Eve. But it'd felt nice too.

"Thanks for letting me be here," Brian had eventually said.

"You've got to stop thanking me," Olivia said. "Bri, you're part of our lives. You're supposed to be here."

He'd given her a thin smile that seemed a little sad – still. So she'd leaned in and kissed him.

She hadn't gone to bed that night with any intentions to have sex. She was tired. She knew it was risky on a night that her boys could be stirring at any time. But the kissing had evolved and things had happened. It felt good. It felt right. And, she thought it was something they both needed. For so many different reasons.

Though, they did have a bit of a laugh in the midst of things when she'd pulled away from him as it'd become clear where they were headed and started undressing herself, ordering him to do the same. He'd given her a bit of a look – it wasn't her style or their typical routine. And he was likely a little surprised about the Christmas sex too.

But she'd just glanced at him as she got the new PJ bottoms off and pulled out from under the sheets and tossed in the general direction of her armchair in the corner at the foot of the bed.

"We need to be in these in the morning," she'd told him flatly. "We can't get them soiled. Or wrinkled."

He'd laughed at her. It was a genuine laugh. One of his heartier ones of the night. But he'd only taken a moment to listen before he'd stripped himself down and pulled her back to him.

But by the time they'd finished and gotten themselves and the bed cleaned up and rearranged and redressed for when the boys did come barging in on Christmas morning – Olivia didn't even want to know what time it had been. What she did know was that she was pretty sure they hadn't slept. She had more been laying against his chest and seem drowsing while he stroked at her hair. So she doubted he'd done any sleeping either.

His head rotated to look at the bedside table. "It's 5:30," he told her. "I thought you had him trained to let you sleep until six on weekends."

"It's not a weekend," she muttered.

"Why aren't they just coming over?" Brian asked as the boys' continued chattering could be heard on the opposite side of the apartment.

Olivia let out a little noise. "Benji," she said. "He thinks the magic doesn't work if he goes in the living room before Santa's been here."

"That some scheme to keep them from jumping on you?"

Olivia smiled against his chest. "Not really but it's a nice perk."

But then her phone vibrated on her bedside table. She groaned but laughed too.

"Is your kid texting you?" Brian said.

She finally made herself roll away from him and picked up the phone, flipping it around and holding it about her head. She smiled.

"Jack is texting me from across the hall to inform me it's morning," she said.

"Good of him to let you know," Brian said flatly.

She nodded and started keying a response it. It pinged as the message sent.

"Get ready," she told Brian, who was already sitting up, as the patter of feet started across the hallway.

"DON'T LOOK, PEEDG!" they could hear yelled outside the door. "GO QUICK!"

There was the tell-tale clunk and bang as Benji's little body propelled itself against her bedroom door and it flew up. He appeared in the room moments later, throwing himself at the bed and crawling right over top of Brian and straight to her.

"IT CHRIS-MISS, MOMMY! MERRY CHRIS-MISS!"

She pulled him into a hug and put a kiss against his cheek. "It is Christmas," she agreed. "Merry Christmas, Little Fox."

Jack appeared, poking his head around the corner. She gave him a small smile.

"It's alright," she said. "You can come in. Merry Christmas, sweetheart."

He gave her a small smile, though, a little sheepishly. "Merry Christmas," he said.

"It morning!" Benji said. "We need to check to see if Santa come!"

She gave him a little shake. "We do need to check if Santa came. Do you think he came?"

"YES!" Benji said.

"Hmm …" she said. "I don't know. I don't think I heard anything."

"You aren't supposed to hear, Mommy. The magic not working if you hear," he said and held up his Rudolph stuffie at her. "Rue-dolf already tell me he was here. And he left toys and stocking!"

"Toys and stockings?" Olivia said in disbelief.

Benji nodded hard. "AND CANDY!"

"And candy?" She gave Jack a smile. "What do you think, Jack, think we should check to see if Santa came?"

Jack shrugged – now suddenly trying to be very cool and nonchalant about the whole thing. "Yeah, sure," he said.

"Yeah, sure?" Olivia put back to him. "I don't know if that sounds very excited."

"I'm excited," Jack put back to her.

"Yeah?" she asked.

He gave a little nod.

Brian gave her a small smile and stood from the bed, giving Jack's head a slight knock as he passed him but a gentle smile.

"Kay, Santa might not have wanted coffee last night – but I think Mommy and me definitely want coffee this morning," he commented and padded away from the room.

"Me too," Jack said giving him a glance as he left.

"Yep, getting it on," Brian said.

Benji just looked back to Olivia, bouncing more on the mattress next to her. "IT CHRIS-MISS!" he declared again.

She smiled and smoothed at his bed-head. "It's Christmas. Mommy likes Christmas with her boys."


	7. Chapter 7

**Title: Bombshell**

**Author: ZombieJazz**

**Fandom: Law & Order: SVU**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them. Law and Order SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The characters of Jack and Benji have been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

**Summary: A future chapter of Welcome Home. Olivia and Cragen have a conversation about her sons and her future in SVU. Set around Jack's birthday/Christmas. This is a flash forward and will later be moved/added to Welcome Home when it catches up to this point.**

**Author's Notes: This AU series is for SVU fans and readers who want Olivia to have something that resembles a more normal life outside of work and a family of her own - hopefully somewhat realistically within the canon of SVU. Most of the chapters will ultimately take place outside of the work environment, so there aren't going to be too many references to cases from the show. But this story would generally be starting in about Season 15 of the show. Please let me know what you think and if you distribute elsewhere.**

**WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS FOR READERS OF "WELCOME HOME". THIS IS A FUTURE CHAPTER TO 'WELCOME HOME' THAT WILL BE ADDED WHEN THE STORY CATCHES UP TO THAT POINT IN THE TIMELINE. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ IT OUT OF SEQUENCE — JUST WAIT AND EVENTUALLY THIS WILL APPEAR AS A CHAPTER IN THE WH STORY.**

Benji went charging by Brian in the kitchen where it stood leaning with his hands on the counter staring at the coffee maker with a bit too much intensity while he waited for it to perk. It was actually likely less intensity than it was bleary-eyed fatigue as he tried to force himself to stay awake and to get into the Christmas spirit. The charging little boy was enough to wake him up slightly, though, and he spun to look after the bolting streak of pajamas.

"Hey, Big Man, where's Mom?" he called out just as Olivia rounded through the doorway into the kitchen and gave him a small smile.

"It's OK," she assured. "We're all up and on the move."

Brian returned the smile – though a little weakly. She didn't think he fully knew what he was in for that day. Though, he clearly understood that he was going to be in for the long haul on very little – to no – sleep and he still looked like he was trying to brace himself for that.

"C'mon," she said and held out her hand, luring him away from the counter and them into the dining room before they missed too much of Benji's reaction.

He was already at the table and standing on his tippy-toes gazing at where they'd left the milk and cookies the night before – and where her and Brian had drank the milk and eaten the cookies while stuffing stockings and leaving strategic crumbs on the plate.

"MOMMY! HE ATE THEM!" Benji shrieked at her and turned around, giving her the biggest eyes, so full of excitement and wonder.

"He did?" she asked and started walking with Brian in tow as she headed to the room, giving over her shoulder a glance to make sure Jack wasn't dallying too much.

He was coming. He was just trying to stay a step or two behind them – looking slightly sheepish as he tried to hide the excitement that was radiating from him too. She knew that Jack was excited to open his presents and stocking. That he was excited to see what Benji was getting. He'd asked her repeatedly leading up to Christmas what Santa was bring Benji and even what her and Alex and Brian were getting his little brother too. He tried to scoff it off as needing to know so he didn't get his nephew the same things but Olivia knew there was the underlying knowledge that whatever Benji got he'd get to play with too. Not that he'd admit that Lego and Hot Wheels sets were something that he wanted an excuse to get his hands on too. But Olivia had seen repeatedly over the year with her little boy that little brothers provided a very good excuse for big brothers to keep on playing with toys they wanted to pretend they were too grown-up for now.

But it wasn't just that. She knew too that Jack was excited to give out the gifts he'd wrapped for people under the tree. He'd pointed out his present to her multiple times and informed her she wasn't ever going to guess what it was. He seemed even more excited about what he'd picked out for Alex from him and Benji – not that he was disclosing what that was either, though she'd gathered from her little boy that Auntie had pretty much established herself as Martha Stewart fully and completely in their lives and that the gift was likely going to reflect that. Jack even seemed excited about what he'd picked out for Brian – and Olivia was just happy that he'd picked anything out for Brian. And he had been downright restless that Captain Cragen hadn't opened his gift the other night.

She gave Jack a small gesture to get him to follow a bit faster so he didn't miss anything either and she managed to get all of them into the dining room while Benji continued to look at the plate.

"PEEDG! All the cel-re and pee-net butter gone too!"

"Told ya the reindeer would like that," Jack said.

Benji put his Rudolph up on the table and tilted him to examine the plate, squeezing the toy's hoof to make his nose light up before pulling it to his ear.

"Rue-dolf say that the rain-deer say it da best treat in the whole building," Benji said and then held the toy to his ear for a moment more. "WHOLE CITY!" he corrected.

Olivia smiled and gave her little boy a small squeeze of his shoulder. "Then we'll have to remember to put them out again next year," she said.

Benji nodded hard and then moved to crawl up on the chair closest to him to take a better look. It was the chair she usually sat in at mealtime – and where her stocking had been left hanging for the night.

Benji's eyes got even bigger as he pulled it out a bit and he looked up at her. "STOCKINGS STUFFED!" he shrieked again and went charging around the table to his own chair and his stocking.

"Wow," Olivia conceded and looked down at her stocking, again nudging Brian and Jack to go and take a cursory glance at theirs. But Benji apparently wanted to take more than a cursory glance.

Her son had barely made it over to his stocking before he'd spotted the top part of the plastic candy cane filled with M&M candies that was hanging over the upper edge of the sock. He was already pulling it out.

"MMMMMEEEEEMMMMMS!" he squealed.

But Olivia started for a moment and moved around the table, passing Brian, to get to her son – taking it away from his excited hand and his glowing eyes.

"Benj, let's not take the goodies out of the stockings yet. Remember Auntie Alex left her stocking here. So I think we should wait for her before we open our stockings," she told him.

"But it Mmmmeeemmms, Mommy," Benji whined at her.

At that point Jack was over at this chair. "If he gets chocolate for breakfast, I'm having chocolate for breakfast," he declared and pulled the chair out to take a look at what he could spot in the upper reaches of his stocking too.

"Oh, hey," Jack said as he got the chair pulled out and snatched up the cap that Brian had set on top instantly. He stood gazing at it. It was all black – including the logo. It likely wasn't immediately recognizable.

"It's the Mets," Brian provided for him.

Jack nodded and gave him a shy smile. "I know," he said. "And it's a New Era," he said of the make. "It's cool," he added and smoothed his hair down before moving to put it on. "You get one, Jamin?"

Benji had been so fixated on getting to the candy, Olivia didn't think he'd noticed or registered anything else but he glanced back at the chair and then held up a cap of his own. "Santa bring me one too."

Jack squinted at the blue and oranges for a moment. "Mets too?" Jack asked, seemingly weighing if he liked his non-traditional colors more than his brothers. Olivia knew he likely did. Most of Jack's cap were black or grey – and her son seemed to love to display anything that said New York to the point of almost being tacky. It didn't matter it was a sport team that he wasn't overly interested in – it was a sport team that he'd seen and it was a sport team that branded its caps with NY. That's all that mattered to Jack.

"Islanders," Brian provided.

Jack nodded. "It's hockey, Jamin," he said. "Like you."

Benji looked at the cap happily. "I PLAY HOCK-EY!" he declared and tried to fit his hat to his head, riding its rim up and down just like his brother.

Normally Olivia would chastise them both for wearing hats in the apartment. But she'd let it slide for now. They were happy. They were excited. She could see some tension in Brian leaving as he saw that they liked the gift – that should've been gift enough and not a stocking stuffer. She'd work on getting them to take them off when she was ready to take some photos.

But she hesitated a moment too long in giving Brian a small smile at his success and the boys were already diving back into the socks. So she moved to get herself between Benji and the rest of the stocking.

"Little Fox," she said a bit more firmly, darting her eyes to Jack until he met them and stopped his digging too. If she could get him to co-operate Benji would likely follow suit. "We are going to save the stockings until Aunt Alex gets here. She'd like to see you open your stockings and she'd like to open her stocking with us."

Benji looked at her and let out a huff. "WHEN SHE GET HERE? SHE LATE!"

Olivia let out a laugh. "Benjamin – it's not even 6 a.m. in the morning. Alex is not late."

"MHES!" he argued. "It morning! It Chis-miss!"

Olivia gave him a little nod and a bright smile. "It is morning and it is Christmas but it is far too early for Auntie Alex to be here."

"Why?" he asked, giving her a genuine confused look.

"Because, Benji, when you're a grown-up getting up before 6 a.m. on your day off is not something you want to do."

"It Chis-miss!" he protested again.

Jack gazed down at his stocking, taking stock at what he could see in the overflowing top. Olivia could tell he was itching to dig some more items out of it too – or at least go searching for his chocolate mint candy. "He has a point," he added.

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Alex will be here in the afternoon," she said. "When she's had time to sleep in and shower and get dressed."

"SHE SLEEP IN ON CHIS-MISS?" Benji asked completely a gasp.

"I'm pretty sure she's not awake yet," Olivia provided.

Likely. Maybe she was. Alex had Christmas Eve 'plans'. Olivia assumed she'd still be sleeping. But maybe she was already awake and in her kitchen doing whatever it was that she felt she needed to drag across the city to cook later that day. Either way, though, Alex hadn't expressed any interest in being at the apartment at the crack of dawn to deal with the Santa excitement. She was either giving them their privacy and family time or had really thought that dealing with Benji in that kind of state would likely be a little much. And she might've had a point.

But for as much of a point Alex might've had - for how hyper her little boy seemed in that particular moment – all that Olivia could think about was how this compared to the previous Christmas. How that Christmas Benji had been afraid of presents – to accept them, to believe they were for him, to open them. How there'd been outright tears and fear to check to see if Santa came. How he clung to her so nervously about the entire concept of the day. How Jack had been so unsure and awkward. That he'd clearly not known how to act that day and had been overwhelmed and confused about the concept of anyone showing him kindness. How receiving gifts seemed to have developed into a bit of a foreign concept for him too. How she'd been nervous too. How she'd over-compensated in so many ways that Christmas while she tried to make up for things she'd missed in her life, and things the boys had missed in theirs and ways she was trying to prove herself and endear herself to them as she tried to find a place in their lives and establish themselves as a family.

As much as she loved last Christmas. As much as she saw it as a turning point in their journey as a family. It'd also been a hard lead in. It'd been a challenging day. Or days. It'd been stressful and confusing for all of them. It was emotional more than it was able to be magical or a holiday.

This. THIS. It felt more normal. More natural. More like what she wanted Christmas to be for her children. A day to be together. A day for them to be excited. A day for them to get all a little spoiled. A day to eat too much sugar and too much food in general. To spend time with the people important to them. To be up to early after being up too late. To see her kids' eyes dancing – and not with tears. With happiness and excitement and anticipation. To get to share it all with others – not to feel like she had to crowd in all to herself because she was going to lose it in any instant and she'd again be alone. For them to just be a family and to share a holiday together.

"Mommy, we call and wake her up," Benji said.

Brian let out a small sound at that and Olivia gave him a small smile but then looked back to her little boy.

"Or," she said and crouched down to look at him in the eyes, "we could go and check to see if Santa left you a toy under the Christmas tree."

Benji's eyes got even bigger at that – like he'd genuinely forgotten that there might be a gift for him under the try. That was possible too. He'd become pretty distracted by the empty cookie plate and the stockings.

"SANTA LEAVES A TOY!" Benji reaffirmed for her and dodged past her into the living room behind her.

Olivia quickly rose and turned too, pointing her phone to snag some video as he reacted. She was barely quick enough as his knees smacked onto the hardwood and he skidded across the scuffed floor to the base of the tree, his head turning and his eyes lighting up even more as he did so.

"Mommy! LOOK!" he said joyfully and nearly dived into his new playset as the rest of them followed.

But Olivia didn't get a chance to react to Benji's admiration of his new Rescue Bots. Jack had spotted his Santa gift from the entrance to the room and he'd pushed past her and Brian in a rush, his knees hitting on the ground too in a way that sounded much harsher than Benji's.

"Oh, no way," Jack said with nearly as much awe as Benji as he arrived in front of the copy of the latest Need for Speed chase game and an accompanying peripheral steering wheel – and pedals.

As her and Brian joined them on the floor – getting down carefully in their middle aged bodies – Jack was hugging the box containing the steering wheel to his chest in a way that was almost the same as Benji in his examination of his new Optimus Prime Dinobot Rescue Bot that was about as big as his entire torso.

"I've always wanted to try one of these," Jack told her with a complete sincerity and then continued to examine the box like he was nervous to open it.

Olivia hadn't known it as something that Jack had wanted in the past. All she'd known that of the few things Jack lamented about missing from his rural life was driving. That – and that about the only games she enjoyed playing with him and showed any sort of skill at were his driving games. Brian had been with her when she was picking out a game for Jack. Though, he'd recommended other games when she'd settled on the racing pursuit game, Brian had pointed out the steering wheels and other accessories. She hadn't known they existed. But they looked fun and after a bit of hum-and-haing she'd decided to make the splurge. She thought it was something they could all have some fun with even if it was a little gimmicky and was going to be just another boy toy taking up space in her apartment. But that's what her apartment was going to be for the foreseeable future. And, really, she knew that Benji would love the steering wheel for imaginative role-play when Jack wasn't around and using it. So it didn't seem like that much of a frivolous investment – even though it was definitely a frivolous investment.

"Well, now you can do more than just try it," Olivia provided. "But I think you're likely going to have to share a little."

Jack just nodded and looked back at the box. "This is going to be epic," he muttered under his breath.

Olivia let out a small snort and cast Brian a little smile at that. But he hardly had a chance to react. Jack suddenly had flung himself at her – and she was so unprepared for the embrace that he'd thrown around her, that she rocked back a bit with the force.

"Thanks, Mom," Jack said quietly – clearly trying to hide that his appreciation was directed at her and not at Santa from Benji.

Olivia was a little taken aback by it and it took a moment for her to wrap her arms around him and return the hug, giving him a small pat on the back.

"You're welcome, sweetheart," she allowed.

But really all in her head was thinking again what a change that was. She didn't get a hug from Jack the previous Christmas. Even though she'd known he'd appreciated the gifts and had been emotional. She hadn't gotten a hug the night before with the horse blanket or the night before that with his birthday gifts. Jack didn't hand out hugs easily. He'd often accept a hug if she initiated it. But him initiating a hug with her? Those had been very few and far between. She thought there'd likely only been about three others if she was doing her math right.

She thought it was a little odd that a toy steering wheel was eliciting that kind of response. But she'd also learned that nothing was too odd with her sons anymore. Strange things elicited different memories and different associations and different reactions from them. And, really, Jack had been slowly wading more and more into the concept of them as a family unit. She'd watch him become more and more comfortable with that. She'd seen him participate within that more and more. Watched him try to define what he was comfortable with and what he wanted and how he wanted to be able to interact with her and with Brian and with his brother and with Alex and with Cragen as a family member and as a young adult who was his own man. It was an interesting process. But she definitely felt like they were all making progress. Perhaps had a much faster rate than they had previously. In the past six weeks she'd seen more changes in all of them than she had in the entire 16 months previous. They were settling and little elements of their beings were running into the cracks that might've previously felt a little broken.

"This is such an awesome Christmas," he said as he allowed himself to sit up and move away from her, now picking at the wrapping on the videogame. He gave her a small glance. "Already. But like not just today. Yesterday and my birthday and Sunday. And like all month."

She gave him a smile. "I'm glad you're enjoying it, Jack. I am too."

She'd put a lot of effort into allowing them to try to be a normal family that year. To continue to grow some traditions for them. To make some memories. To have some specialness mixed in with their mundane. It was nice to hear that it'd been noticed and appreciated.

Benji, though, had seen the hug and decided it was his turn to crush his body against hers. He collided with her, his new Rescue Bot Dinobot in tow.

"Yeah, Mommy, it awesome Chis-miss," he agreed.

She smiled against his head and pressed a kiss there. "I am so glad. What'd Santa bring you?"

He hauled the toy up into his lap. "Dinobot," he told her.

He'd already figured out how to transform the big, bulky Optimus Prime from Mack truck to robot to T-Rex. He'd also figured out how to make the thing roar – incessantly. Yet another toy she'd be waiting for the batteries to die on but as annoying as it was, she still couldn't deny her little boy the opportunity to glow over the plaything.

"Did he come with friends?" she asked and gestured at the rest of the truck that he'd dismantled.

She'd made Brian drive her to New Jersey so she could go to some fucking giant Walmart and get some sort of special packaging of the toy. It'd come with two other Rescue Bot Dinobots that rode on the transport trailer that also transformed into giant airplane wings for Optimus when he was a robot. There were also two of the little human figurines of characters in the show too.

Brian had thought she was crazy going on the trek to find the special Christmas packaging that seemed to be exclusive to Walmart. He would've been perfectly happy buying all the figures separately and putting it out. Or just getting the Optimus T-Rex. But buying the Optimus Dinobot on its own was only a $5 savings from getting all the other toys in the package – which she knew would've had about a $50 value if she'd been buying them separately. The Walmart exclusive was a steal even if they had to waste money trekking across creation to find it. But trekking across creation was just something you did for kids. Or at least that's what she'd decided.

"Yea," Benji said and squirmed his boney butt out of her lap and back to his toys. "He bring Bum-bull-bee Dinobot."

"What's he transform into?" she asked. She wasn't sure he'd touched the smaller toys yet – they were still sitting on top of the tractor trailer. But she wasn't too surprised. He'd specifically asked Santa for Optimus – and the T-Rex toy was definitely about the biggest Rescue Bot she'd ever seen. It was likely blowing his little mind.

Benji leaned forward and picked up the yellow car, fiddling with it for a moment until it was a robot. He looked at the puzzle for another moment and then his hands moved again and he showed it to her in dinosaur form.

"Him a raptor, Mommy," he said.

She smiled. "Wow," she said and Benji nodded with some admiration as he looked at the toy. "And is that Blades?"

Benji nodded even harder at that and dropped the latest Bumblebee incarnation to enter their apartment. He grabbed at the helicopter on the transport too. "YEAH!"

"Wow," Olivia said again. "You finally have Blades. How did Santa know that you've been wanting Blades for so long?"

"YEAH!" Benji said. "I want Bl-aid-z forever! But I didn't ask because asking for too many toys greedy."

Olivia nodded. "It is. But he must've known."

"He does," Benji nodded. "Becuz Santa can watch and know things. It part of the magic."

She nodded again and gave him a little smile, caressing his hatted head. "He does," she agreed. "What's Blades turn into?"

Her son was already fiddling with the toy and had managed to transform it from a helicopter to a robot while he was providing her with his interpretation of Santa's magic powers. He continued to puzzle with the next transformation but then again showed it too her – this time handing the completed product to her.

"Him a taro-dack-toe," Benji informed her.

Olivia gave a little nod but out of all the transformers her son had she had to say that transformation the least resembled what it was supposed to be. It took some imagination to see at pterodactyl in it. But at least it looked like a helicopter and a robot in its other forms. She suspected that this one would mostly live as a helicopter. Her son was becoming more and more obsessed with choppers and planes by the day it seemed.

"I think you've got about every Rescue Bot in existence now, Little Fox," she said, as she fiddled a bit with Blades herself and Benji went back to Optimus and Bumblebee. He hadn't outright said it but from the way he was already lining them up she suspected that the game was going to be that the T-Rex and the raptor were going to be Mommy and baby or big brother and little brother.

"Not every," he informed her – but didn't even look at her.

"You're still missing some?" she said with some disbelief – even though she knew full well that he was missing a couple of the characters. And even knew even fuller that the show was likely continue to release some sort of gimmick each year so that all the characters had new figured to collect. The dinobots were the fourth incarnation for the bloody Rescue Bot figures. Thankfully Benji hadn't quite figured that out yet. He was happy with his mish-mash of characters and transformation. And that was just fine with Olivia too. She didn't really care if he had all the Dinobots and all the Energize figures and all the alternative means of transportation they came with. "Do you have all the people at least?" she asked.

Benji glanced at the two little figures he'd pulled out of Optimus' cab before he started playing with the transformations. "That Grr-ah-ham and that C-eve-land."

"So is that everyone?" Olivia asked.

"No," Benji said with a little headshake, but he clearly didn't care. He was far more interested in the robots than any of their human colleagues. "I do not have Dani and I do not have any of the doctors."

"Oh," Olivia allowed. She thought she might have to watch the show more carefully. She wasn't aware there were 'doctors' – plural – in the series. Actually, she was pretty sure there was just a paramedic.

But she just settled into playing with the toys with her little boy for the moment. She was clearly assigned the role of Blades and the humans while he took on T-Rex Optimus and Raptor Bumblebee. She didn't mind. She was used to playing by Benji's rules in a lot of games and it was his Christmas morning and his knew toys – he could pick which ones he wanted to play with first.

Jack and Brian sat chatting about the new videogame. Jack apartently wasn't too excited about the option of being a police officer in the game. He'd rather be one of the cars trying to outrun and outsmart the cops. But Brian felt pretty much the same way. Olivia thought that might mean more play time for her if neither of them wanted to play the cop car.

Jack speculated on who would have the competitive advantage while he was learning the new steering wheel and others were stuck on the controllers. Brian had speculated that there'd be a learning curve that would likely mean the controllers lead to winners at the start until Jack got used to the touch on the wheel and the pedals. Her son had agreed and started fiddling with getting the wheel out of the packaging while Brian blabbered at him about the force feedback and the reaction time and lag the device was supposed to have. It didn't mean much to Olivia but both of them seemed to be getting excited about it. She actually thought that Brian might be just as excited as Jack to get some time behind the new toy.

She finally bent forward and tapped at the two presents in Santa wrapping paper that had been sitting just behind the unwrapped gifts.

"Did you guys see that Santa brought you something else?" she asked.

Benji didn't seem to care. She expected that too. Benji enjoyed looking at wrapping paper and presents far more than opening them. And he was deeply engaged in his Dinobots – which was exactly what he'd asked for. He likely really didn't care if Santa had brought him something else. But Jack looked up and eyed the boxes with some speculation.

"I thought Santa was just bringing one present this year," he directed at her.

She'd given him some warning that on the previous year she'd been sort of making up for previous Christmases for both the boys and herself – and because of that there'd been more gifts from Santa than there likely should've been. She'd told him not to expect as much from Santa that year. Jack was a young man – and the Santa illusion really was for Benji – but she still felt he had the right to know so that there wasn't some sort of disappointment on Christmas morning. And, he'd dealt with that information maturely and with a shrug – agreeing that he knew she only put out a Santa present for him because of Benji and that he really didn't expect much of anything and he appreciated whatever she did do. He'd been very mature and down-to-earth about it. A reminder to herself that sometimes she sold her son short and sometimes she tried to make herself forget that he was a 20-year-old man and not a pre-teen boy who needed some coddling. Jack still needed some coddling in his own way – but not quite as much as she sometimes did.

"It looks like Santa decided on one wrapped gift and one unwrapped toy," she said.

Jack gazed at her for a moment and then sat up on his knees, examining the gifts and their tags.

"The big one's for you, Jamin," he informed his brother and then gathered the smaller box into his lap, looking at Benji a little expectantly. But the little boy wasn't moving.

Luckily for him he was a little saved by the bell – and from Jack's desire to start digging into the presents. She knew that Jack wanted not only to start opening some of his – but to start handing out the ones he'd purchased to be opened too. But that halted for a moment as her phone rang from the kitchen counter.

"Fuck's sake," Brian said under his breath and caught her eyes.

She gave him a look – initially of warning but fading as she too realized it was still early Christmas morning and it was her work ring tone. Jack clearly recognized what the sound meant too and gave her a pained look. All she could to was give him a thin smile and ruffling at Benji's head, she pulled herself to her feet.

"I've got to take it," she said quietly as she padded away, though, she could feel both Brian's and Jack's eyes on her.

She looked at the phone on the counter and let out a slow sigh. "It's Cragen," she called out and then picked up the device, settling it on her ear as she headed for her bedroom and to close the door. "Benson," she said flatly into the phone.


	8. Chapter 8

**Title: Bombshell**

**Author: ZombieJazz**

**Fandom: Law & Order: SVU**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them. Law and Order SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The characters of Jack and Benji have been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

**Summary: A future chapter of Welcome Home. Olivia and Cragen have a conversation about her sons and her future in SVU. Set around Jack's birthday/Christmas. This is a flash forward and will later be moved/added to Welcome Home when it catches up to this point.**

**Author's Notes: This AU series is for SVU fans and readers who want Olivia to have something that resembles a more normal life outside of work and a family of her own - hopefully somewhat realistically within the canon of SVU. Most of the chapters will ultimately take place outside of the work environment, so there aren't going to be too many references to cases from the show. But this story would generally be starting in about Season 15 of the show. Please let me know what you think and if you distribute elsewhere.**

**WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS FOR READERS OF "WELCOME HOME". THIS IS A FUTURE CHAPTER TO 'WELCOME HOME' THAT WILL BE ADDED WHEN THE STORY CATCHES UP TO THAT POINT IN THE TIMELINE. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ IT OUT OF SEQUENCE — JUST WAIT AND EVENTUALLY THIS WILL APPEAR AS A CHAPTER IN THE WH STORY.**

Cragen gave Olivia a thin smile as she opened the door to her apartment, though he also knew he likely looked a little sheepish.

Eileen had insisted that with a child Benjamin's age, Olivia and her family would safely be up by 7 a.m.. She wanted him to call so they could start their own day and get the plan structured on how to move between the various households they hoped to visit on a Christmas Day. It all seemed like it was going to look quite unlike anything he'd experienced before. Even when his wife had been alive they'd never bounced around so much on Christmas. But he was trying to be accommodating of Eileen's want to see her children and grandchildren. Though, he thought she might be trying to be too accommodating of trying to let him see Olivia and the boys too, which he wasn't sure was entirely necessary. He really wasn't sure that Olivia thought it was necessary.

Some of the visit on Jack's birthday had been strained and he really wasn't sure that 24 hours would've calmed that any. He knew she was upset with him. Or more that she was struggling with how to incorporate his decision and pending retirement into her life. It would mean changes for her – in her job, in how she conducted her homelife, in how she worked with the NYPD and how she worked as a mother. But he also trusted that she was fully capable of figuring it out. She was a capable woman. She always had been. And, she'd more than grown-up while with SVU. She'd gone from a young woman to a very fine detective. She had the leadership abilities and the compassion that SVU needed. The commitment that both other younger detectives needed and that their victims and their families needed. But she also had the tenacity and the stubborn bull-headedness to fight with the Brass, ADAs, lawyers and preps. SVU – and the NYPD – needed her. And she'd more than earned the opportunity to lead the unit.

He knew it would be a challenge for her to integrate the new responsibilities while having a young son at home and still adjusting to motherhood. But he'd also seen the long ways she'd come in that in the course of the year. He knew that Olivia could adjust to changes and challenges. That she could figure it out and make it work – even if it took some time and was a little bumpy along the way. He hoped that she tried. That she didn't walk away from a job she'd invested so much of herself into.

As much as he wanted her to have a good and happy life – he thought she was already making the changes to allow herself that. He thought that her being a lieutenant and a supervisor would feed into that – whether she could see it or not just yet. He knew she was just likely struggling with the fact it was now all happening. It was no longer a hypothetical or an optional or something that would just be happening in the future. It was her moving away from being on the frontlines and behind the desk – and there would always be a mental block for any true detective in that. It was also her taking on the bureaucracy that he knew she hated. She just wanted to do her job. She didn't want to manage people or personalities. She wanted to help victims and go after what she felt was right. She didn't want to deal with the paperwork or the politics. He couldn't blame her for that. But he thought as little Benjamin had more school plays and Little League games, she might find more and more that the desk and the bureaucracy didn't seem so bad after all – when she got to go home to that in the evenings and weekends.

He hoped she'd try it before she made any decision on if she wanted to explore another career. Cragen wasn't sure he could imagine her elsewhere – no matter how hard he tried. But he'd seen the look on her face when he'd told her about his retirement. The shock, the terror, the upset, and the immediate processing about just what the hell it meant for her and her family. Her face had said she'd be leaving too – because if he was gone and Elliott Stabler was gone and John Munch was gone, she didn't think she had a place there either anymore. Cragen thought she was wrong on that, though. Olivia Benson had become Manhattan SVU in so many ways. And, he didn't think she quite appreciated how much One PP realized that too. She still had a job and a role and a life there – and one that he hoped against all hopes that she'd see could fit in the life she wanted for her boys and her family. She could do it.

Still, he definitely didn't think Olivia had quite reached that point in her thought process yet. And he also didn't think she quite wanted to have any sort of discussion with him about it – and their personal discussions were always so short and far between. Neither of them excelled at talking – no matter how close he felt to her. So, he wasn't sure that she wanted a Christmas Day visit from him. It might actually be being seen as more of an invasion, he suspected. And, he likely would've preferred to just spend the day with Eileen but he supposed there would be lots of time for that in the near future. Depending on how Olivia coped with all this retirement stuff, he wasn't so sure how many more visits would be allowed with her and the boys. So it was likely best to enjoy them now.

But despite Eileen's insistence about the appropriateness of the phone call, Cragen could tell he'd about given his detective (he still struggled with thinking and referring to her as his lieutenant) a panic attack. She'd definitely been in work mode when she'd answered the phone. Though, again, he supposed he should've expected that too. It was not like he'd called her on Christmas Day to send holiday wishes any other year. There'd been an undertone of some upset in her voice too, though, it'd calmed when she'd realized that he wasn't looking to derail her time with her family.

Cragen knew Olivia well enough that if she got a call – no matter the holiday – she would've gone in. It was part of the reason he'd left strict orders that she wasn't to be called if any of their on-calls did get called in. Unfortunately, Amanda had the night before and he'd already been on the phone with her that morning too. But Olivia didn't need to know that. And, even though it was unfortunate that his detective and a victim were having to deal with this over the holidays, Cragen also thought it was likely best that Rollins had caught a case. Even though he'd known that she had invite to Fin's family dinner (which he expected she'd still get to), he also knew that likely wasn't enough to distract her from any destructive behavior if she'd been spending Christmas alone. He knew the M.O. – it'd been his in the past. It was likely better she'd be spending part of the day at the hospital and with the victim and her family and then in the squad room dealing with paperwork. He'd already ordered her to keep him in the loop with phone calls and to email him the DD-5s when she'd completed them and before she left for the day. It was a good way to keep tabs on her and ensure she got through the day unscathed too.

He supposed, though, that overall the whole situation with the look Olivia was giving him in that moment and her voice on the phone was partially his fault. He really should've called her the day before and asked about stopping by on Christmas Day. To create firmer plans with her. But after Jack's birthday – he'd left it. He figured if it worked out, and he and Eileen had time, they'd drop in for a short visit. If not – he would've been OK with that and he suspected Olivia would've been too.

He actually thought she might've been more than OK with that original plan. Because currently she very clearly looked tired and she very clearly was still in pajamas – nor was it likely she'd showered or done anything with her hair. Cragen was used to seeing his detective in more casual clothes – especially in her younger days. But as she'd gotten older, she'd definitely come to work in much more pratical business attire and he hadn't been blind to the fact that she'd adjusted her appearance with her age either. He sensed she put more time and effort into keeping up some of the fronts in being made-up to a point. Though, some of that had dimmed in some ways since she'd become a mother – he'd noticed that too. Her attire and hairstyle had shifted yet again. And she definitely looked a bit more matrichal at times and rumbled and bone tired at others – in a very different way than when she'd thrown herself into cases and slept in the cribs in years gone by. But in that moment he was trying to weigh if the sleep clothes were an indication that they were truly interrupting them or if she truly was that comfortable with them that she hadn't seen the point in getting dressed.

"Hi," Olivia offered and wrapped the rather uncharacteristic hoodie she had on tighter around her torso – like maybe she really was a little embarrassed about her attire.

"Merry Christmas," Cragen tried and held out a box of chocolate sea salt caramels. But it wasn't Olivia that took them.

Jack had suddenly appeared around the corner and was much more smiley than Olivia – and Cragen noticed also in blue pajamas.

"Oh, awesome," Jack declared and took them out of his hand. "I love caramels. Thanks. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," Cragen said again.

"You've gotta see what I got," Jack said and was already headed away from the door – picking at the wrapping on the box. "It's AWESOME."

Olivia looked after him. "Jack, don't open those right now," she called after him.

"But the company brought them," he said, still picking at the seal and not stopping his walk at all. "We need to have them out while they're here."

"You are not having chocolate for breakfast," she called out a bit louder as he disappeared back into the living space. "I was just laying out our breakfast spread."

"So I'll put them on the table with everything else," came back out from the room.

Olivia just sighed and looked at them again – giving them both a sympathetic look. "Sorry," she said. "Merry Christmas," she added and rubbed at her eyes for a moment, tucking a piece of her hair before her hair and then holding out her hand. "Come in, let me take your coats."

They finally got to step inside and Eileen finally started to speak. Though, Cragen had noticed decide her looking a little shy, she'd been smiling since they'd entered the building.

"I brought you some goat cheese from my son's farm too," she said and held out the other part of their offering. "And some wine from their local winery. It's made with biodynamically-grown grapes."

"Oh," Olivia said and took the two items, examining the bottle with some interest. "Thank you."

"Merry Christmas," Eileen provided and his detective gave her a small smile.

"If this is a bad time or we're interrupting," Cragen started before Eileen got too far with removing her coat.

But Olivia just shook her head. "No, it's fine," she assured and took Eileen's coat but seemed to glance at herself as she did so. "We're just slow moving today," she provided. "And the boys are still enjoying their gifts so I didn't want to be off showering and miss it. Sorry. None of us are dressed yet."

"Oh," Cragen said and cast Eileen a look to see if she was comfortable with that.

He was really thinking that her estimation that Olivia's family would be up and on-the-go at 7 a.m. might've been flawed – especially since it was now after 10 a.m. and it barely looked like his detective had rolled out of bed. Eileen's family certainly hadn't been up-and-about when they were preparing to leave. Her son and his wife were starting to get on the go and had shared a cup of coffee with them but her grandchildren hadn't acknowledged their departure. Though, Cragen wasn't sure her grandchildren had really acknowledged they were there at all – or at least that he was there.

"Christmas Day is best spent in pajamas," Eileen provided.

Cragen again thought that was a strange statement since they certainly weren't getting to spend the day in pajamas. But he also knew that Eileen had been trying very hard to have Olivia be comfortable with her presence at the few gatherings she'd attended. He'd noticed she'd been doing the same with her introductions of him to her son's family too.

She lead them into the living space and Cragen and Eileen both glanced at the coffee table where plates of sliced fresh fruit, salami and smoked salmon were sitting out among bowls of granola, yogurt and a few different kinds of cream cheese. The box of chocolates was sitting awkwardly on the one corner – open and with two already missing – as Jack had promised. Aromas were also wafting from the kitchen. It almost smelt like a bakery – fresh dough, flour and bagels intermingling with a sweet, sticky cinnamon.

"What a lovely spread," Eileen said.

Olivia gave her another small smile. "You'll join us? I'll get a plate for the cheese. The bagels are just warming up. And a sticky bun thing that Bri's mom sent over for the boys."

Cragen stuttered for a moment looking at the food. "We don't want to intrude," he said. "And, we'll be having a late lunch at Eileen's daughter's house."

"You aren't intruding," Olivia said a bit more firmly. "And there's lots of food. Please join us." She started to move to the kitchen. "Bri," she called as she did, "The Captain and Eileen are here."

Brian's head poked out from behind the sectional couch – nearly at floor level – as Olivia disappeared into the kitchen for a moment. "Hi," he said and then disappeared and rose to appear standing now. "Merry Christmas."

Cragen and Eileen both moved to join him on that side of the couch, where it was apparent that the boys both were too – hidden from view and almost eerily quiet as they entered the room. Cragen could see why when he rounded the corner and got into view. They were both deeply absorbed in Lego and it looked like Brian had been too. He still had a couple pieces in his hand when he rose, which Benjamin pulled at his pant leg until the man glanced down and realized what he wanted and handed the bricks back down to him and he examined them and his model with some careful consideration.

But as he took in the scene what struck him next was that it didn't look like the boys had opened any of their gifts. Maybe a couple. There was a small pile of wrapping paper and some tissue paper and a couple boxes off to the side. But he certainly didn't see much evidence beyond the Lego that they'd started in on their presents. The pile of gifts under the tree looked about the same size as what he'd seen when he'd been over on Jack's birthday the other night.

"Are you just getting up?" he directed at Brian. He thought he might get a more contest answer from him than what he'd been getting from Olivia. If they were just getting up now that would again provide another layer to the tone he'd heard in Olivia's voice when he'd called at 7 a.m. Now he was starting to think they really hadn't even been out of bed.

"Nah," Brian said and gestured down at Benjamin. "He had us up at about 5:30 a.m."

"It Chris-miss, Buy-in!" Benjamin said without glancing up from his work on what appeared to be a rather significant fire station Lego set. Though at that point it looked like the boy had been working on putting together a plethora of little vehicles that accompanied the set more than the station. Or perhaps it had been Brian who'd been assigned to work on the station building – and had now been disturbed from that process.

"Oh," Cragen said again. "Just getting to presents?" he asked.

He was definitely learning that different families marked Christmas differently. He'd known that well enough anyways. But it'd been another reminder while at Eileen's son's home. They'd done their presents on Christmas Eve – along with a rather significant dinner. Apparently her daughter's family did presents Christmas morning but did a lunch rather than a dinner. And, it seemed that Olivia had a completely different approach to timing than either of them too – based on the state of the family's attire, the presents under the tree, and when he knew she planned to host their meal.

To be honest, he'd found Eileen's son's Christmas a little jarring. There'd been more gifts under the tree than what Olivia currently had under her family's. And, while the opening of gifts had taken place it'd very quickly become apparent that the majority of the gifts – actually all but the expectation of about four – had been for the two teenaged boys in the home. Watching those boys open gifts had also been such a different experience than watching Jack open his few birthday gifts the night before too. It'd been a bit of a flurry of them opening one after the other after the other. It'd all been over so quickly and he barely had the opportunity to register what either of them were opening. None of the packaging had been opened to look at any of the items and only a few had even a 'thanks' been muttered before they'd reached for the next box. Not to mention some of the gifts seemed rather elaborate and expensive. They'd both received iPads and each received a new PlayStation – for their rooms. And very shortly after all the paper had settled they'd both disappeared to their rooms – presumably to set-up and play with the new videogames. But Cragen hadn't seen them again for the remainder of the visit. The parents seemed undisturbed by that, though Eileen had asked after them a few times.

He'd felt badly for her. He got the sense that she wanted to visit with them a little bit more. He'd also felt badly when they'd opened her gifts to them – a logo hoodie that she had seemed to think they'd enjoy but there hadn't been even a muttered thanks and the videogames she'd picked for them she was informed that they were for their 'old' videogame systems. When they'd retreated to their rooms the games had been left amid the piles of torn wrapping paper that was also left for their parents to sort through and clean up.

Cragen was used to dealing with young men and he certainly had his share of run-ins with teenagers – but it still had rubbed him a little the wrong way. Perhaps, it was because they were Eileen's grandsons and he wasn't entirely sure how to interact with them. But also because he cared about her and he could see she was a little hurt – both by their reaction to their gifts and their absence in visiting. Cragen partially wondered if that was because he was there and the teens didn't want to bother having to associate with him. But he also got the sense that it might just be how the household conducted itself – that the boys spent their time in their rooms and away from their parents. Which isn't exactly unusual teen-aged behavior either. Eileen certainly knew what teenagers could be like too – she had been a teacher before her own retirement. Still, he got the sense that the Christmas visit hadn't gone exactly as she might've hoped either.

So he wanted this visit to go a bit more smoothly. Not so much to show her up but to make her feel less awkward about how things had gone so far. But, he was also feeling a little awkward in his own right being at Olivia's now. He wasn't too sure what to make of the status of things. So hopefully maybe things would improve at her daughter's house. Those children were younger and Eileen had said they would have missed the majority of the present opening – though he would have to also interact with the husband's sister's family who'd be there for lunch too.

Maybe retiring was a bad idea? He might be expected to have the time to do more of these kinds of things. But he tried to remind himself that it was likely a good sign that Eileen was trying to introduce him to her family and include him in family activities at a holiday like Christmas. But it was definitely proving a little stressful and awkward. Considering what he'd spent his career doing – it was likely a sad state of affairs that this kind of social activity was proving so jarring for him. But it did fall well outside of the routine he'd settled into in his life. Eileen was causing him to stretch his boundaries in a lot of ways. But that was also part of the Hail Mary he was going for in an attempt to have some happiness and a life for what years he had left now that he'd finally be shutting the door on the NYPD.

"Nah," Brian said again to his question. "Santa just brought them Lego and we've been kind of stalled." He lowered his voice a bit and cast a look back to the kitchen. "I warned her that would happen."

Olivia appeared as he said it and gave him a small look – having clearly overheard it. She set the goat cheese on the table with a small spreading knife. And she shrugged as she came to join them again in looking at the boys.

"Santa brings toys," she said. "Mom brings boring, practical stuff."

Jack looked up at that. "Are we opening another present now?" he asked with a bit of a hopeful glow in his eyes.

"We're having breakfast now," Olivia told him and he let out a small noise and looked back to the Lego he was working on. He looked just about done. It was clearly a sports car model. "He's ready to open another present."

"We're waiting for Jamin," Jack added. "He's never ready."

Olivia gave them a thin smile and a little shrug. "We move slowly," she reaffirmed again.

Jack looked up. "Mom opened the one present from us," he said and pointed at her. "You see it?"

Olivia gave him a tender smile but looked at them a little embarrassed. "The hoodie," she provided.

Eileen smiled at that. "It's very nice," she said.

"Yeah, it's a skater hoodie," Jack said. "But it's a girl cut and color and doesn't have a giant logo."

"He felt I borrowed the hoodie he's abandoned in the front closet one too many times," Olivia said.

"Well, you kept saying how warm it was," Jack said, sitting a little straighter and examining her. "You like it? Don't you?"

Olivia smiled at him again. "Yes, sweetheart, I like it very much."

Jack looked at Cragen and Eileen again. He was clearly very proud of his purchase. Cragen couldn't pin down exactly how Olivia felt about it. But it certainly looked like something he would've seen her in when she was having a more casual day when she was younger and it didn't look too different from a jacket he'd seen her in a few times that fall when she'd been pulled away from her family on a weekend and ended up in the squad room. He suspected she was likely just more embarrassed about being put on display by her son.

"It even has the thumb holes," Jack said.

Olivia held up her arms and pulled the sleeves up, hooking them over her thumbs to show off the feature. "It does," she agreed.

"So your hands and arms can stay warm," Jack said. "It will be good when you wear it outside."

She nodded. "It will be."

Jack nodded hard – in a way that Cragen actually thought looked quite a lot like the enthusiastic acknowledge that Olivia's younger son often gave. "I think I picked the size pretty good. I had to look at her laundry." He paused for a moment. "And ask Brian. But he wasn't much help."

Olivia let out a small noise at that and gave him and Eileen a look.

"I told him a size," Brian said flatly.

"You don't want to know what size he said," Jack put to him.

"I actually do think I want to know what size he said," Olivia added and Brian gave her an unimpressed look.

"I know what size you are," he said flatly.

"What size do I wear, Cass?" she said.

He shook his head and looked away, going back to examining what Benjamin was up to on the floor. "I'm not answering that question."

"Because he doesn't know," Olivia put to Eileen who smiled. Though, Cragen knew that Brian was likely in trouble if he didn't know what size Olivia was at that point in their relationship and in even more trouble if he'd been grossly off in whatever size he'd quoted to Jack – and the young man had publicized it.

"I'm not answering because it's Christmas and I don't want this to be a thing," he said flatly.

Cragen definitely thought Brian was in trouble.

Part of Cragen really hoped that Olivia and Brian worked out. He thought that her having a relationship would be good for her in many ways – especially with the transitions that were coming up. But also with having a hand with the boys. He thought keeping Brian in their lives might be good for the boys too. Maybe not so much Jack with the age and stage the young man was at. But it'd be good for Benjamin to have a man around, he thought. But he still wondered how long the two would last. They seemed functional and like good friends but they had a strange dynamic.

Even Eileen had commented on it after Jack's birthday. That they seemed like a nice couple but a little distant. And that might be the best way to put it. They were similar but very different people and some times when he watched them interact it felt like he same more of the differences than the commonalities. It felt like they operated on two different wavelengths. He supposed that wasn't a bad thing. He knew he and Eileen were very different too.

But maybe the fact that Brian was there for Christmas and seemed to have played a role in the Christmas preparations and Jack's birthday was a good sign. Ultimately, he just wanted Olivia to be happy. And, Brian was generally a good man. He didn't disapprove of him – for Olivia or the boys. He just hoped that however this all panned out that neither Olivia nor the boys got hurt. But he hoped that both Olivia and Brian were very conscious of that too.

"She's going to like the other present better," Jack said. "If she ever opens it."

"I'll open it when we start opening presents," she said.

Jack let out another noise and looked under the tree and then looked at his little brother. "Jamin, can we open another present yet?"

"I don't care," Benji said and flew a little red helicopter around in his hand, spinning the rutter with his fingers and making a siren sound.

"He doesn't care," Jack said. "So we can open some."

"We are going to work on opening presents together – as a family when we're all ready to open presents," Olivia put back to Jack.

"But I want you, Jamin and Brian to open your gifts," Jack protested.

Cragen watched again for a moment – realizing that it wasn't opening his own gifts that Jack was restless about. It was about the rest of his family opening theirs.

"Right now we're going to have breakfast with Captain Cragen and Eileen," Olivia put firmly. "So, guys, come sit down."

Jack let out a huff but rose, bending to retrieve the Lego set he'd been working on and showing it to Cragen. "It's a Lambo," he said. "It can make two others. But I started with this one. Cool, right?"

Cragen nodded.

"It's neat that it's white like the architecture set you gave me," he added. "I was working with it yesterday. It's pretty sick. But I think I'm going to work on making like this modern design house to put with this one. It will have to be pretty big to make sure they're both to scale. But it will be sweet. And since Jamin doesn't want to open anymore presents I've got lots of time," he said casting another look at his mother and then his brother.

"I need to build the fire station, Peedg!" Benjamin protested.

"Mom and Brian are building the fire station for you," Jack said flatly.

"THEY HELP!" Ben protested louder.

Jack gave his eyes a small roll.

"It's a big set for a little boy," Olivia provided.

"Yeah," Jack said. "It's a big set. Even normal people wouldn't be able to do it all in one sitting. It's going to take him a week."

Olivia shook her head and gestured at it. They clearly had a good start on it. "We're getting there."

"After like three hours," Jack said.

"So give us another two," Olivia told him teasingly.

"And then he'll want to play with it for about a week before he's ready to consider opening another gift."

Olivia just shook her head at him and then walked over to Benji and scooped up under his arms. He let out a small noise of protest – keeping the fire helicopter in one hand and what looked like a fire chief's car in the other – but she teasingly shook him.

"We've got all day, Jack," she said. "And all tomorrow and all weekend. We've got lots of time to open gifts and play with gifts. And right now we're having breakfast anyways. So c'mon."

She pulled Benji up to her hip and carried him over to the couch, setting him down in the centre of it and then gesturing for them to do the same. Cragen held out his arm to invite Eileen to sit down and she gave a small smile and selected a spot.

Benjamin held out the toys at her. "Santa brought lots of fire fighter Lego," he told her. "IT A BIG BOX!"

"It sure looks like it's a big set," Eileen agreed.

"Santa brought Dinobots too!" Benji said and then bounded off the couch and back to in front of the Christmas tree with such a verocity that the helicopter tumbled out of his hand and smashed on the floor. But Brian was already bending to retrieve it and piece it back together before the little boy even had a chance to notice, much less protest.

He returned holding a giant T-Rex out at Eileen. "It Op-tom-miss. He T-Rex and he a truck. I like trucks."

"Oh, I like trucks too," Eileen said.

"Him Buy-in's fav-it too," Benji said and handed to her for her to examine.

She looked at the toy with some faux admiration but Cragen thought she was pulling off the fascination quite well.

"I got a new racing game and a steering wheel," Jack said, finally taking a seat on the couch as Olivia returned with a basket of bagels. "You'll have to try it Captain. Mom's kicking everyone's butt so far."

Cragen gave her a smile at that. That didn't exactly surprise him. But it was another reminder of just how much she'd changed since she'd become a mother. He wasn't sure he could imagine Olivia playing videogames previously. But she did now. But she did lots of things now that before he wasn't sure he'd imagine in her but that he'd known she was fully capable of.

Olivia was a good mother. Since getting to spend more time with them since last spring he was getting more and more glimpses of it. She was strict and stern and didn't take a lot of bullshit but those boys also had her around their little fingers in other ways. They were catered to and doted on expectationally well. He were clearly well cared for and well loved. But she also carried her own bullwhip and kept them in line. He'd certainly seen her lay down a stern voice and stern rules if and when the boys were acting up. But he'd also seen a softness in how she dealt with them. He was glad she was having the opportunity to let that softer side of herself come up and let it grow.

"Right now, breakfast," she said again – clearly in mother-mode. "What do you want Little Fox?"

Benjamin examined the choices. "Sin-a-min," he said.

She nodded and set herself down on the ground, not even asking what he wanted on the bagel – just automatically selecting the cinnamon raisin one from the basket and setting about to buttering it.

"Help yourself," she said to them again, gesturing at the food and then looking at Jack who was still looking at and fiddling with his own Lego car with great interest. "Sweetheart, put the toy down and have something to eat."

He gave her a little nod and listened, grabbing a plain-looking bagel from the basket and lathering it with a heaping mound of sun-dried tomato cream cheese and a thick slice of deli meat.

Cragen thought that whatever the outcome was in that house – it was clear that Olivia was the cornerstone in that family. It's foundation. He hoped that the foundation he'd been trying to lay for her at work would be something she'd see and be able to continue to use to ensure that she kept having moments like this with her boys. Perhaps a little awkward, imperfect, slow and a little behind schedule – but stable, loving, casual family moments none-the-less.


	9. Chapter 9

**Title: Bombshell**

**Author: ZombieJazz**

**Fandom: Law & Order: SVU**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them. Law and Order SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The characters of Jack and Benji have been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

**Summary: A future chapter of Welcome Home. Olivia and Cragen have a conversation about her sons and her future in SVU. Set around Jack's birthday/Christmas. This is a flash forward and will later be moved/added to Welcome Home when it catches up to this point.**

**Author's Notes: This AU series is for SVU fans and readers who want Olivia to have something that resembles a more normal life outside of work and a family of her own - hopefully somewhat realistically within the canon of SVU. Most of the chapters will ultimately take place outside of the work environment, so there aren't going to be too many references to cases from the show. But this story would generally be starting in about Season 15 of the show. Please let me know what you think and if you distribute elsewhere.**

**WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS FOR READERS OF "WELCOME HOME". THIS IS A FUTURE CHAPTER TO 'WELCOME HOME' THAT WILL BE ADDED WHEN THE STORY CATCHES UP TO THAT POINT IN THE TIMELINE. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ IT OUT OF SEQUENCE — JUST WAIT AND EVENTUALLY THIS WILL APPEAR AS A CHAPTER IN THE WH STORY.**

Olivia looked from where she was trying to clean up some of the breakfast items at the kitchen counter, and gave her a small smile. Eileen had noticed her leave the living room but thought she'd been gone a long while. She could see why now, though. It looked like she was having to unpack half the fridge to try to get any of the items back into there after she transferred them to storage containers.

"Jack stop talking your ear off?" was all that Olivia said, though. She didn't sound flustered with the situation or frustrated at all. Though, Eileen got the sense that it likely took a lot to get the woman overly flustered or frustrated. She couldn't – not with her job and not being the mother of two boys those ages. She'd likely just about seen and done it all.

But until that day Eileen hadn't really seen Jack as talkative. Certainly Don had warned her that he could get quite chatty. But in her limited meetings with the young man, he really hadn't been that chatty with Don and he hadn't shown much more than a passing interest in her. Though she had observed at his birthday that he'd been trailing after his aunt and chatting at her rather insistently.

That morning, though, Jack had seemed to attach himself to her for whatever reason and had just been going about a mile-a-minute in the topics he covered. But Eileen had soaked it up anyhow – and tried to keep up. She'd taken it as a sign of some acceptance. Little Benjamin too had been trying to be a chatterbox. Though, she'd wondered a little if he was following the lead of his brother and just trying to ensure he got the same amount of attention.

While Jack had chattered at her about the Lego Don had given him on his birthday, the Lego that he'd received that morning, and the videogame and steering wheel that he'd received, little Benjamin seemed to want to ensure that she – and everyone else – paid just as much attention to his gifts. He'd gone and retrieved the rest of the robot dinosaurs he'd apparently also received from Santa and had set about assigning each of them to one of the toys. She'd had a white one that appeared to be a helicopter for a while but she suspected she hadn't been playing with it properly – or at least not interacting with him in the way he wanted as she tried to listen to Jack – because the toy had been taken back from her and given to Brian instead.

It was very clear that Brian had mastered the art of still being able to participate in a conversation while interacting and playing with the little boy. Eileen wasn't even sure if the man had registered he'd been recruited to play, but he did, continuing to manage to talk to Don too about what sounded a bit like a quiet vent session about work and his career. Though, Don seemed to be sitting and listening intently – if somewhat uncomfortably – allowing little nods and occasional inputs.

Meanwhile, Jack talked at her about his schooling and architecture and Christmas and little hints about his family life and their plans over the holidays nearly at lightening speed. Eileen had had a bit of trouble keeping up it was all coming at her in such rapid fire but she was also happy to just listen. Don had also told her that Jack mostly seemed to want an ear to listen at times – especially on one of his architecture or city history lessons. Don apparently had already received a few of those. But he'd smiled cautiously – almost trying to keep it hidden – when he'd told her that.

"Oh, I might've had to excuse myself to use the restroom to get him to slow down for a minute," Eileen admitted.

And, it was true. That had been the method she'd used when she did need a break to try to disgest some of what the young man had been spewing at her. But also to pull herself up off the hard floor in front of the Christmas tree where she had joined him in sitting to look at where he had his two Lego sets tucked away. She thought she was getting a little old to be sitting cross-legged on the floor for any period of time anymore. But she also got the sense that this family spent a lot of time on the floor together with playing with little Benjamin – who about seemed to live on the floor. She had yet to see him sitting on the couch. About the close as he'd gotten as leaning on his mother's and Brian's knees while he looked up at them with big eyes and provided some sort of request or blabber – and there had been many of those so far that morning.

Jack, though, hadn't seemed too disturbed by her taking a break from his chatter. By the time she'd come back out from the washroom, he'd moved back to the couch and was now showing the steering wheel over to Don and chattering even more excited about the videogame. Brian was getting in on that conversation and Eileen fully suspected it'd only be a matter of time before all the man were grossly engaged in staring at the television and trying the toy out. That was if Olivia permitted it. Jack had expressed some interest in turning it on earlier but his mother had told him not at breakfast and then again that they weren't going to have the television on while company was over. But Brian and Jack might try to sneak that one by her while she was out of the room, Eileen thought.

But Olivia just gave her another small smile at that without comment.

"Can I help you with anything in here?" Eileen offered.

Olivia gave her a look for a moment – almost as though she wasn't too used to being offered help in the kitchen. Eileen wouldn't be surprised if that was true. Sometimes boys – and men – weren't particularly good at offering up kitchen help. But from her minimum observations, Eileen also thought that Olivia had a pretty good rein on her sons and they definitely had rules and chores they were expected to adhere too. She was sure some of them were in the kitchen. Not only that, but Benjamin seemed pretty committed to helping his mommy, even if that sometimes meant 'help' in the form of being underfoot. Eileen suspected the little boy was just a little distracted with all the men talk going on in the other room at the moment and trying to soak in that and get to be a big boy.

The little boy definitely was in a phase where he was trying to prove himself as a big boy. Ever since Eileen had gotten to meet the little boy she'd heard comments come out of his mouth about him being a big boy. Eileen wasn't so sure he agreed. He was too cute to be a big boy yet. He had an innocent nature about him. And, he was undoubtedly small for his age. If she hadn't attended his fifth birthday, she likely would've placed him as a year or so younger just based purely on his size and perhaps some of his interests and stuttered speaking. She'd made a small mention of it to Don at one point but he'd been a tad defensive of both his grandson and Olivia, acknowledging that Benji might be a little behind developmentally but that his daughter (not that he'd called her that) slash detective was committed to his education and his social development and that the little boy was progressing exactly the way as should be expected and was in good hands. Eileen didn't doubt any of that either.

She could tell even at Benjamin's birthday party that there were underlying educational components going on to it. But she could also see the social struggles the little boy was having. Still, since being invited into Olivia's home now a few times she'd seen even more how dedicated she was to both her boys' educations. Their dining room looked like near a craft activity room at a community center with the craft supplies and educational activity books lining the big square bookshelves and bins and the bulky desk in the corner. The boys' artwork and school assignments were everywhere in the apartment – the walks, the fridge door, pilled on the little entry desk in their foyer. Children's books – and Jack's textbooks – were within view in every room she'd been in as well. And, she'd admittedly taken a small peek into the boys' bedroom when she'd used the bathroom and had seen an even larger hanging children's book nook there displaying an array of picture books that left Benjamin with a near library of his own. Even the bathroom had educational aspects to it. If the woodland animals on display weren't enough of a conversation point she'd spotted all the foam letters and numbers stuck to the ceramic walls of the shower – spelling out simple words and equations. Little moments of academia, learning and teaching were everywhere in the place. Even how Olivia talked to her children showed it.

Olivia spoke to her boys like real people. Her voice was so even and calm when she interacted with them. Eileen hadn't yet heard her talk down to them or raise her voice at them – even though there'd been moments of sternness. She listened and asked questions and would offer gentle corrections and observations. She had real conversations with them and clearly took educational moments.

Over breakfast little Benjamin had been naming the different fruits on the table and their colors. They'd chatted about food groups and he'd pointed out what was milk. He'd been amazed by the goat cheese being made of goat's milk and there's been a whole little discussion about what other animals made milk – leading to a little moment where he'd observed that all mommies made milk when they had babies. Olivia had corrected that mommies that were mammals feed their babies milk and had launched into a mini lesson about what a mammal was with Benji listing off different animals that he thought were mammals. He'd briefly decided his dinosaurs were mammals and there'd been another minor education about dinosaurs being reptiles and not feeding their babies milk. The little boy had been somewhat confused and asked what they fed their babies. Jack had provided "LIVE FLESH – to rip apart" and made an awful growling face at his brother thrashing his mouth around like some sort of beast. Olivia had merely rolled her eyes and groaned out a, "Jack!". But it'd been cute rather cute, though, somewhat awkward (though funny) when Benji had provided some other observations about breasts versus bobbies versus utters. They'd managed to determine that mostly animals just drank their mommy's milk when they were babies and that people didn't tend to drink milk of any animals but cows, goats and sheep. Benji had decided he would only drink cow's milk because they were the cutest and you could pet them.

"I think I'm OK," Olivia said. "I'm just trying to figure out how to get everything back in the fridge. I should've paid more attention when I was taking it out."

Eileen took a step closer to here and gazed into the refrigerator too. It was certainly bursting at the seams.

Eileen wasn't sure too many people in New York City had refrigerators that looked quite like that. It was a city that loved to eat out – if they could afford to. But she also didn't get the sense that Olivia's family ate out too often. Somehow she thought that was a little surprising based on her observations of what a police diet looked like. Don's kitchen certainly was a sad state of affairs. He hadn't yet made a meal for her. She wasn't too sure he knew how to cook. But with years as a bachelor and working in a police environment and those sorts of shifts, she wasn't sure she should expect him to. She'd seen his office. He had a cot in there. She wasn't sure he'd spent much time at home anyhow.

"Are you expecting a lot of people for dinner?" Eileen asked.

Olivia glanced at her and rubbed at her eyebrow for a moment, giving her head a bit of a shake. "Not really. Just Alex and Brian's mom. I invited a few other people but they didn't give definitive commitments."

"Well, that makes knowing how much to have in the kitchen a little hard doesn't it," Eileen sympathized. But she wondered too if her and Don were on the list of lack of commitments.

They initially hadn't given Olivia a time when they'd be over on Christmas Day. Just that they'd stopped in between the trek from her son's home to her daughter's. She'd thought it likely would've been a bit later in the day then they were currently in Murray Hill but she'd really just been ready to leave her son's and she thought Don was too. She knew her son was struggling with her being in a relationship and even though he'd been mature about it and her and his wife had been accommodating to her and Don, it'd still felt more awkward than she'd hoped. Her grandchildren disappearing for much of the visit – even though not entirely unexpected – had been a little hard too. But teenaged boys didn't want to spend time with an old lady and her old man of a boyfriend. Or at least her teenaged grandsons didn't. She thought that might be a different story here in the Benson household.

But the Benson household Christmas seemed a little different than what she'd become accustomed to in recent years. Christmas had become so different since her husband had died. It had always been them that hosted the holidays and her children and grandchildren would come to visit her. But it seemed after Thomas had passed away that they felt it'd be far too depressing for her to be in her own home and should get out of the house and shuttle around to their homes and their little family traditions. It'd been a little eye-opening about the traditions and the families her children had created for themselves at the holidays. Though some of what her and her husband had done for her son and daughter had lived on and been passed on other things had been lost and other traditions had won out from their spouses' families. She was sure others had just been adopted for what had been convenient for them or what they felt worked for their own children. But, Eileen admittedly found some of it a little overdone and overwhelming on her own accord.

It just seemed different her at Olivia's. It didn't feel like they were on any sort of schedule and all of them just seemed so laidback about it. Olivia, Brian, the boys. No one was in any big hurry and they seemed happy to just be having time together. More than that the boys both seemed so genuinely excited, happy and grateful. And even though Eileen would still expect to see some of that magic in little Benjamin's eyes she was finding it a refreshing experience to see that gratitude in Jack – that fascination and excitement of the day in a young man. The appreciation for what they'd got. And – so far it hadn't looked like they'd gotten much. But they both seemed so happy about what they had received.

Eileen thought maybe that was telling. So far it appeared as though those boys had received about two gifts each and she was near certain that they would've been fine if that was all they received. She was even more certain that it could be hours more before they got around to opening anything else and that they'd likely be fairly content in just playing with what they had. That maybe so many parents really did give their kids too much. Because these single gifts – that really were rather simple: a Lego set, a toy each, and a baseball cap – and the boys seemed perfectly happy and enthralled with examining and playing with them.

She was just as sure that there'd been 'thank yous' and hugs and appreciation when the boys had opened the gifts. There certainly had been when Jack had been opening his birthday presents. There even had been when little Benjamin had been opening his birthday presents in September. It wouldn't have been 'give me the next thing', 'meh, I don't like it', 'meh, I already have it', 'meh, it's not what I wanted'. There would've been appreciation for the thought and the effort. She was sure of it.

It all made her wonder how long they should stay. If they should be in such a hurry to get going to her daughter's house and to those grandchildren that she'd purposely planned to ensure she'd miss having to watch them open gifts that usually overflowed from under the tree to take up most of their living room. She always found that so awkward and overdone. She didn't understand how any child could need so many toys – and especially now that her three younger grandchildren after pushing into their preteens now and having well outgrown Santa and started asking for more gifts and more expensive gifts. The precedent that had been set in that household just made her so uncomfortable to watch. And, she'd seen how uncomfortable Don had appeared even when her grandsons had been opening their gifts the night before. It wasn't that they'd had a ton of presents like her daughter's children were sure to. But the price tags on the presents they did receive were rather outrageous. She was sure that well over $1,000 had been spent on each of the boys and she was just as bad of culprit – having spent over $100 each on gifts that they clearly didn't really like or need. They all just fed into it.

Staying here seemed like it would be easier somehow. More comfortable. Watching these boys open their gifts. Enjoying conversation that didn't seem strained. Or at least not judged. She felt that both her children were judging and weighing Don a little too much and that they were judging her too. Deciding in their own heads if she should be dating yet, if she was betraying their father, if Don was good enough for her. She didn't get that Brian and Olivia here were putting her through any sort of similar scrutiny. And, she certainly didn't feel like they were weighing those thoughts when it came to Don either.

The conversation with both of them might feel a little strained but that wasn't anything to do with them. That was her own nervousness in trying to fit in. Not just with this family but also with a group of cops. They clearly had their own set of life experiences and perspectives that she just wasn't privy too. Some of it she just really didn't want to hear – because that wasn't the Don she knew and who she was falling for. Though, she certainly knew it had all shaped him into the decent, kind, caring man he was. But she sensed he was sometimes embarrassed by it and didn't want her to hear it as much as she didn't know how to interact with it all either.

She also thought that Brian and Olivia may just be awkward people to talk to no matter the situation. She could tell they were both very guarded. She suspected there were a variety of reasons for that. There were likely reasons because of their jobs. Just as likely there were reasons from their personalities and their personal lives. And, they were likely guarded because they were parents of adopted sons too. They were private people and it shone through in how they talked and interacted. But that didn't mean they weren't warm and welcoming. Perhaps Olivia more so than Brian. But Brian still had his own quirky kindness to him even if he was somewhat gruff and quiet. He clearly had a sense of humor and was good with the boys.

Whatever it was, though, the visit was going nicely and Eileen found herself measuring when she wanted to leave. If she wanted to leave at all. She could tell Don was enjoying himself too. He was comfortable around his Olivia and her Brian and he clearly adored getting to spend time with his grandsons. She wasn't sure he fully realized how much he glowed (as much as Donald Cragen could) around him. But he changed when he was with them. She saw an added softness to him. A tenderness and a change in how he listened and spoke. She liked seeing that in him. And she was sure he'd like to watch the boys open their gifts or even just continue to sit and chat with their parents. Eileen thought she might too. Maybe they could come back? She thought her daughter would be hurt if they didn't at least arrive for lunch as promised.

"It's OK," Olivia said. "Most of this is is all Alex's. She cooks like she's feeding an army not matter how many people it is."

Eileen smiled. "She likely should," she allowed. "When you're feeding boys you sometimes have to. Yours have healthy appetites."

Olivia looked at little embarrassed at that comment and just cast her a small glance.

But Eileen hadn't meant anything by it. She'd simply meant it as just another observation she'd made. Not just that morning but other times she'd spent with the family. The boys seemed to take a certain glee about having food placed in front of them that she couldn't quite place though something seemed a little peculiar about it.

The boys had just seemed so excited at breakfast that morning, though. She wasn't sure she'd ever seen a little boy eat smoked salmon and with quite the same enthusiasm as Benjamin. The boys had been just as excited about the strawberries and kiwis and pineapple and Dragon fruit and blueberries and mango and melon. Benji had been particularly taken with the Dragon fruit. He'd had a whole story that clearly one of the people in his life had falsified for him about how dragon eggs that didn't hatch could be eaten as fruit. He'd even gone to the kitchen to retrieve one of the extra fruits to show her just how "KEEEEWWWWL!" they looked and how "REEEEALLL!". He'd also told her that he'd eaten dragon before and it was even better than their eggs. Olivia had a little sheepishly clarified for her that he was talking about a dragon roll they'd gotten for him at a Japanese restaurant – that he was still bragging about eating months later. Eileen had conceded that it must've been a pretty great meal to still be talking about it. But she got the impression that Olivia strove to give her children memorable experiences no matter how mundane they might be in the grand scheme of things.

But the entire conversation had lead into a discussion about how "Auntie cooks good pineapple". Which only spurred Jack on to talk about the ham their aunt would be cooking that night and the Christmas cake and minced meat pie he expected as dessert options and just how 'awesome' that was going to be too. All this while all of them were continuing to pile fresh deli meats into fresh bagels with fresh flavored cream cheeses and devouring the yogurt and granola and artisan honey that Olivia had set across the table too.

Even more lovely, Eileen thought, had been when the boys had taken over making hot drinks for everyone. Though it hadn't taken much for them to 'make' any of it. Olivia had apologized that they were just getting coffee poured out of the coffee maker and individual teabags steeped in their cups rather than a French press, cappuccino or a fresh brewed pot of tea. But the boys had been so happy to be helping with breakfast that way and bringing out the drinks for everyone. Especially little Benjamin as he took careful steps holding out the mug in trying to make sure the hot liquid didn't spill.

That had been cute enough. But even cuter had been the boys when they'd finally returned with their own hot chocolates. They'd been so excited to tell her that their mother had bought them the "special" hot chocolate, which Olivia claimed wasn't that special – it just wasn't individual packets so the boys were getting to put heaping amounts of the mix into their cups instead of a predefined amount or the no name variety. They'd been even more excited to show off their "OWN MUGS". Even Jack had described in that manner, which again gave Eileen some pause in her trying to weigh the circumstances of the boys and the family that both Olivia and Don had been so quiet and private about up to that point. But clearly these cups that the 'Pajama Elves' had brought the night before had become coveted items that morning. Another thing that Eileen was surprised to see and hear out of the mouths of a child and a young man. Excitement about something that wasn't a Skylander or Spiderman or Call of Duty or some fancy Apple product? It seemed so unusual to her Christmas experience the past several years.

"The boys just seemed to so enjoy your breakfast," Eileen had tried in an effort to smooth any ruffled feathers from her comment. "And it really was such a beautiful spread. It's so nice to see kids enjoying fresh fruit and healthy food. Especially on Christmas. I think a lot of families have a sugary breakfast on Christmas morning. Or at least my children – that seems to be what they serve."

Olivia gave her another glance and a thin smile. "The boys get pancakes most weekends. It's not really special to them," she said. "So this is a little different from our usual routine."

"It was lovely," Eileen said and offered another smile. "And those appetites, Jack mentioned he was raised on a dairy farm. I bet that has something to do with it."

Olivia looked up at that and her eyes seemed to show something in them that Eileen couldn't quite place – but she'd clearly hit on something she hadn't meant to.

"Yeah, that has something to do with it," Olivia finally said after what felt like far too long of a pause.

Eileen watched her for a moment unsure of what to say. She realized she'd turned a corner and stepped into something that she likely shouldn't have but now she wasn't sure what to say next to back out of it. So she instead picked up one of the plastic containers that Olivia was working at transferring the cream cheese to and began helping scrape that into there.

"Don mentioned that you're taking the week off," she tried after a moment.

Olivia allowed a little nod. "I am," she said. "It's the first time I'll have some time off at home when both the boys aren't in school. It should be nice."

Eileen gave her a smile. "I'm sure that will be."

Olivia shrugged. "I've been warned that the week between Christmas and New Year's isn't that nice with kids. Busy out and about and they're running on excitement and adrenaline," she said. "But …"

"Do you have plans?" Eileen asked.

Olivia shook her head a bit. "Not really. Brian has a couple days off too and Jack's got some scheduled workdays. So we'll see. Mostly just catch up on life around her, I guess. And, I'm sure the kids are going to be wanting to play with their toys and the videogames. They'll likely have a couple videos to watch before the day is done too."

"Jack mentioned skating?" Eileen suggested.

"Oh," Olivia nodded. "Yeah. We'll likely try to do that. Benji's in hockey right now and Jack's been really restless about wanting to get out skating with him. But he wants to go to one of the outdoor rinks and those are so crowded on the weekends so we just haven't gotten out yet. But maybe this week. It will still be crowded likely."

"And, see, I thought he meant skateboarding," Eileen said.

Olivia looked up from what she was doing and smiled and shook her head. "You're likely right," she acknowledged. "I guess my head is just hockey." She glanced at the entrance into the living room and lowered her voice a bit. "Brian got the boys tickets to the Rangers-Islanders holiday match-up for tomorrow. They're in their stockings so they haven't seen them yet. But, I guess that's where my head was."

"That sounds fun," Eileen allowed.

"Hopefully," Olivia said and gave he an apologetic look. "He's been jealous that Don has taken them to a sports game. He really wants too. So we'll see how this goes."

Eileen smiled. Don loved his Mets, fishing and golf. Despite his trepidation about filling his time in his retirement, she thought with those interests he'd likely do OK. At least for a good chunk of the year. Maybe more if he and Brian were getting into a competition about who got to take the boys to what games. Though, she suspected Don wouldn't want to get into that competition either.

"I'll likely take the boys skateboarding one day too, though," Olivia allowed. "There's an indoor park over in Brooklyn that they think is quite the treat to get to. But with the weather lately – we could probably just get to one of the outdoor parks. If it's not raining."

The boys' love of skateboarding radiated through the apartment too. The enthusiasm for the sport near dripped off Jack but Olivia had clearly gone to great lengths to ensure that the boys were allowed to display the interest. There were shelves in the foyer made of skateboards. There were skateboards hanging off the walls painted like pieces of art and she'd definitely spotted little toy skateboards on previous visits. And she knew enough for having teenaged grandsons to know certain skateboarding logos when she saw them on Jack's clothing and shoes. She thought Olivia was an event better mother to let her son's love of the sport to become part of the décor of her apartment. The space was clearly occupied by boys even if the feminine touches were also apparent throughout.

"Jack said something about going to Falling Water too?" Eileen enquired of the young man's other apartment passion. Olivia glanced at her someone confused. "He was saying when he was showing me his Lego project. He's working on making a Falling Water model and said he's going to be visiting."

"OH!" Olivia said like it clearly just dawned on her what was being referred to. "He's going to be going on a weekend trip out to it with one of his architecture classes before the spring term starts."

"Oh," Eileen nodded. She'd clearly misunderstood what the young man had been saying. But he had been taking in such rapid fire she was sure she'd been confused on other issues too.

"Yeah," Olivia said and seemed to go on a tangent of her own. "And then he's got the option of going to Chicago with architecture program during his spring recess. He's working and trying to save up for that one. Some of these trips they take the architecture kids on from here on out in this program just get a little ridiculous. International destinations and rather extended trips after we get past this year for the remainder of the program. Hopefully we'll be able to afford for him to go on at least one of them. It'd be a great experience for him. But Chicago is a good starting point. Assuming he enjoys the Falling Water trip, I guess. I don't know how much fun that sounds in the end of January?"

"Likely not as beautiful as it is other times of year," Eileen conceded.

"I don't think so," Olivia agreed. "I've never been, though. Have you?"

"A long time ago," she said. "Him talking about it made me think it'd be a fun place to get back out to, though."

Olivia gave a little nod. "Don mentioned you're going on a cruise in the New Year? That he might join you?"

Eileen looked at her for a measured moment. She knew that Don had broached his retirement with Olivia but she also knew that it was a conversation that hadn't gone over particularly well. Even though Eileen understood there was a whole variety of reasons for that – that Don's retirement would have implications for Olivia's professional life as while as her family life – she still didn't know how far she wanted to wade into that discussion with the woman. She also certainly didn't want to become the center of some sort of argument or tension between Don and Olivia.

"Well, I hope he'll be able to join me," she offered cautiously. "But there's still a lot of details for him to get ironed out if he decides he'll be able to come."

Olivia eyed her but offered a small nod. "Is it to the Caribbean?" she asked.

Eileen shook her head and moved to start working on packaging the leftover fruit for her. "It's the South Pacific actually. Australia and New Zealand. Some of the islands and some of Asia."

"Wow," Olivia said quietly.

Eileen gave a small nod. "It's somewhere I've always wanted to go. But my husband wasn't much of a traveler. He always said we'd get to it when he retired but I suppose that we waited a little too long to get around to that."

Olivia was quiet for a moment before asking, "Divorced?"

"No," Eileen conceded quietly. "He passed away about five years ago. Cancer. But I've decided it's about time I got busy with living again."

Olivia looked up from what she was doing and eyed her for a moment. It was a quiet moment where Eileen could tell she was measuring her and deciding what to say or not to say. Eileen knew that in her professional life Olivia likely excelled at having difficult conversations but she wasn't sure how much she excelled at them in her personal life. But no one really liked talking about death and cancer. But they seemed to become talks that got far too commonplace by the time you reached your 60s. Your friends certainly started disappearing by then and cancer seemed lurk in near every family if you took the time to ask. It touched everyone eventually.

"How long's the cruise?" Olivia finally asked – apparently the rest was not a matter she wanted to wade into. Perhaps too private and too personal. But Eileen thought she might appreciate that too. To not have things pried into it and to have a statement taken at face value. To not be pussyfooted around like she was some frail old woman – nothing more than a widow – simply because her husband had died and she had a sad story. Who didn't?

"It's a month," Eileen said. "But it'd likely be a week or two longer than that. It's quite the flight and maybe some stopovers and exploring to do on each way."

Olivia gave her a thin smile. "Well, I hope Don is able to join you. I think he'd enjoy that. Lots of fishing."

Eileen gave her a gentle smile. "I think we'd be able to find lots of things to keep him busy and distracted as we eased him into retirement. But I don't think he'd want to be too too long when he's got a little grandson at home. He's already mentioned Little League season."

Olivia let out a genuine laugh at that and smiled a bit more brightly. "Ah, Brian will be happy to hear that he's got someone else on the Little League bandwagon. We tried soccer last summer."

"Oh, come now," Eileen said, "I think a little boy growing up in New York City has to have his chance in Little League."

She smiled thinly. "So I'm told."

"He's a fun age," Eileen provided. "Five. They're so full of energy and inquisitive at that age."

Olivia smiled a little more and gave her a look. "He is," she agreed. "He keeps me busy."

"I can tell," Eileen said.

"They both do," Olivia said a little wistfully.

Eileen smiled, though. "Seeing your Jack, though, gives me hope that a few years down my road my grandsons might be a bit more fun again."

Olivia let out a small laugh and gave her a sympathetic look. "How old are they?" she asked.

"Fourteen and sixteen," she said. "And, I think poor Don was a little flabbergasted with them after spending time with your boys."

"Sorry …" Olivia said quietly.

"Oh, you shouldn't be sorry," she said. "You're clearly doing a good job with raising them right. Lots of manners."

Olivia let out another laugh and looked at her with some disbelief. "I don't know about that," she said.

"I've heard a lot of pleases and thank yous," Eileen said.

"They're on their best behavior because we have company over," Olivia said.

"I don't think Don considers himself company," Eileen provided.

Another small chortle emitted from Olivia. "Well, they are definitely on their best behavior for the Captain. They adore him."

Eileen smiled. "I think the feeling is mutual," she assured the woman. "He seems quite taken with your boys."

Olivia looked a little embarrassed at that and looked away.

"I know Don was hoping to take Jack to MoMA. If there's time over the holidays," Eileen tried – again shifting the topic slightly.

"He'd likely enjoy that," Olivia said and gave her a thin smile. "I've been wanting to too but it's not something that Benji would ever tolerate and Jack's been picking different things when we have an outing together."

"Like what?" Eileen asked, though, she was a little surprised that Jack participated in outings with his mother. At that age. But she thought it also was a sign that Olivia was likely doing something right if her son, who was now a young man, wanted to spend time with his mother.

"Indoor rock climbing and boxing lately," Olivia said.

"Boxing?" Eileen said.

"He needs to let out his aggression some how," Olivia said flatly.

"He doesn't come across as very aggressive," Eileen said. If anything, she thought that Jack came across as a gentle soul. A quiet, kind boy. She actually thought she could see a lot of Don in him even though she knew they weren't blood. But maybe nurture played more of a role than people liked to think in these things.

"He's not," Olivia said. "But boys … they need physical activity."

"They do," Eileen agreed.

She felt like there was more underlying those statements but she didn't know what to ask or how deeply she'd be allowed to press. So she decided it would be best to leave it.

"I was hoping to take the boys to either the animation exhibit at the Moving Image Museum or the robotics exhibit at the math museum over the holidays. Depending on how we're doing. Maybe you and Don can join us, if you like," Olivia suggested.

"That sounds like fun and both those exhibits sound very interesting – and right up the boys alleys," she said. "You'll have to let us know what day you think you'll be going."

"Likely one of the days Brian's working," she said. "He's not much for museums. Or museums filled with screaming children who want to touch everything."

"Even if one of them is his Benjamin?" Eileen asked with a smile but she saw a look on Olivia's face again and realized she'd referred to her son as Brian's – when she knew that wasn't the case. But she could see how attached the little boy was to that man too. She hadn't necessarily meant he was his per say.

They were quiet again for a moment – Eileen thinking she'd again stuck her foot in her mouth while she was trying so hard to find some common ground and really connect with this woman. She wasn't sure how well she was doing with that. But she was trying.

"I don't know what role you played in Jack's birthday present," Olivia finally said after some moments of silence. "But I just wanted to thank you both again."

"Oh, I didn't have anything to do with that," Eileen said. "It was all Don. But I know he was happy to do it. And happy with how much Jack seemed to like it."

Olivia gave a small nod. "He loves it. He just spent so much of yesterday absorbed in the book and puttering with the blocks. He just keeps going on about how useful it's going to be in his studio workshops. And I know how much he wanted that set." She let out a little noise and a small headshake. "It just was something we couldn't afford right now. Some of the supplies he needs for his classes … University is expensive enough and some of the things they tell these kids they need … and the studio fees …" she sighed. "He works and he tries. But these things. They just add up."

"Don was happy to be able to do it," Eileen assured her. "To help."

"I just want to make sure that you both know how much I appreciate it. And Jack appreciates it," Olivia stressed.

"Oh, Olivia, we can tell," Eileen assured her with a small smile. "The gratitude in your boys is just so … refreshing. And, it's just so nice that you've been inviting me … including me … in your family events as well. I appreciate it."

"I'm … we're … just glad that Don has someone," Olivia said quietly and gave her a small glance. "I've worked with him a long time. You're the first woman he's talked about. And, for him … we've heard a lot about you."

Eileen gave her a smile. "We'll I've heard a lot about you too. And your boys. Don's very proud of all of you." She saw Olivia look embarrassed again and look away. She thought she'd be more embarrassed to know that on more than one occasion Don had referred to Olivia as 'that's my girl' when talking about her achievements. "Especially with you being a lieutenant now. And Jack …" Eileen shook her head. "He's really pleased with what he's doing with his schooling and he's always a buzz about Benjamin's sports and crafts. He really enjoyed the football games he got out to this fall. I know he wants to get out to some of his hockey games too."

Olivia gave her another thin smile. "We'd love if he came. If you both came out. The games are fun. The kids are cute. We get Benji hot chocolate after. So you can imagine … that's more exciting to him than the actual hockey."

Eileen let out a good laugh and a bigger smile at that. "I believe it." She pushed the last of the containers across to Olivia, who had almost everything jammed back into the fridge at that point. "Don says you and Brian have known each other a long time too? That you all used to work together?"

Olivia gave a small nod. "We did. Briefly. About fourteen years ago," she said and gave her head a shake. "Longer. I'm getting old."

Eileen smiled. "I don't think so. You're right in your prime."

Olivia let out a quiet laugh and gave her another little smile. "Thanks for that." They shared a smile. "You've known Don a long time too? Since college?"

Eileen smiled a bit wider at that. "We did know each other in college. I hadn't seen him for years until the reunion."

"Changed a lot?" Olivia asked.

"Well, he does have less hair," Eileen teased. Benji seem so fascinated with Don's head and that lack of hair. She wasn't sure Don fully appreciated the fascination. Benji had pointed out that he was bald like his robot dinosaurs and that he needed a cap like he and his brother to keep his head warm. Don had barely cracked a smile at either comment – though everyone else did.

"He's calmer," Eileen added after a beat. "He's more mature. More refined. He's older."

Olivia gave her a little smile at that and rubbed at her eyebrow before turning and looking at the fridge with the last container in her hand.

"What about Brian?" Eileen asked.

Olivia gave a small nod but shrugged. "He's calmed in his old age too," she allowed. "He's a lot quieter. Believe it or not."

Eileen didn't think there was anything to not believe in that statement. Brian came across as very quiet in her interactions with him. He spoke when spoken to and that was about it. Even then he seemed to use his words judiciously. Though, the words he did speak sometimes had a bit of a harsh edge to them – with the possible expectation of when was speaking to Benjamin. But even with his conversation directed at Olivia there was a sharpness and an urgency to what was said.

Olivia jammed the last item in and closed the door, gesturing at the kettle again. "Can I get you another tea?"

Eileen looked and considered it, trying to give her watch a discrete glance. "Maybe a small cup," she said.

"Sorry," Olivia said and filled the kettle. "When is it that you need to go? We don't mean to keep you. Make you late for your daughter's?"

"We've got lots of time," Eileen assured. "Lunch isn't until one thirty and it should only take us about 40 or 50 minutes to drive out there."

Olivia gave a little nod. "The boys have a small gift for Don before you go," she said. "And, I'll try to convince Benji to open the one from you two as well."

"It had sounded like Jack had made some progress with convincing him he might want to open another present," Eileen said. "But I think he was more interested in the big one from you."

Olivia let out a little laugh. "He likes the big boxes," she admitted.

"Who doesn't like the big boxes?" Eileen teased.

"They say the best things come in small packages," Olivia contended. "But if that's the one he's thinking of next, I'll likely try to deflect him." She again glanced into the living room and lowered his voice. "It's an easel and some painting supplies."

"Oh, he'll love that!" Eileen declared. She could see how much Olivia's son loved art. The reality of that hung off so many walls and near oozed out of their dining room.

Olivia nodded. "It will be another show stopper," she said. "His teacher has so much trouble getting him away from it in the classroom. I'm hoping it might keep him in one place in the dining room a-k-a craft clutter corner on some weekend afternoons. I have to tell you this morning after they opened up that Lego – that's the quietest and the stillest the two of them have stayed in months."

"You can just tell how much they love what Santa brought for them," Eileen said. "And the blankets you bought for them? Jack was just gushing over it when we were chatting."

Olivia gave a little nod but quieted again. "Well … kids are pretty easy to impress when they come from nothing."

Eileen watched her for a moment and again weighed how to respond to that. She certainly read into things that Don had said about the boys, and that Jack had said, and that Olivia had said. She'd certainly made observations and made her own speculations. But she was operating on so little and she wasn't sure what was meant to be private and what was allowed to be known. What was a secret and what was in the open. What should be asked about and what shouldn't be. What was only for whispers and what was allowed in general conversations. But in that moment there again seemed to be a small critical edge to Olivia's voice that again made her question if she'd said something wrong.

But before she could try to back pedal, Olivia gave her an apologetic look. "Sorry," she said quietly. "I'm not sure how much Don has told you about the boys or about our situation."

"He's only said they are adopted," Eileen said.

Olivia nodded. "They have a rough background," she said quietly. "Some really rough years. This is our first Christmas together where our family is official. They're really … into it. Happy. Excited. Especially Jack. But Benji too. In a little boy way. He'll be excited about the easel. But I think I'll try to get him to open it closer to the end of the day – or I don't think we'll be getting too many presents open today."

Eileen smiled and decided to let the beginning of the statement drop. Olivia clearly didn't want to discuss it more in that moment. But Eileen also thought it was maybe some kind of progress – or acceptance – that Olivia had at least disclosed that much to her. Though, it also had her mind processing many more possibilities and questions that she wasn't sure anyone would answer for her for a long time.

"I think it's nice you aren't on a schedule. That you're taking your time. That you don't feel pressured to get it all done today."

Olivia just shrugged. "It's easiest to just go with the flow and let the boys do what they are comfortable with. But I think Jack's getting pretty restless about having everyone open some more. I know he put a lot of thought and effort into some of his gifts."

"Well, maybe Benji won't mind too much if you all open yours and get gets to his when he gets to them," Eileen suggested.

"That will likely be the point we reach if he's not ready to open any more by the time you two are leaving," Olivia sighed. "But I'm likely going to have to twist his arm into opening at least one more. I made the mistake of wrapping the outfit I'm hoping to have him in by Christmas dinner."

Eileen smiled. "I just might have to see that," she said.

Olivia looked at her. There seemed to be a cautiousness to the look – like she too wasn't entirely sure what to say and was trying to navigate the whole conversation carefully. Maybe they both had been. Not wanting to step on anyone's toes or to push any boundaries too far as they decided where the other fit, would fit, and what would be allowed or not allowed in whatever kind of relationship they might be being tossed into.

But Eileen thought at this was a relationship she wanted. This was a family she liked. She wanted Don to keep them and to keep being a part of their lives and she'd like to be a part of their lives too.

"You're welcome to join us for dinner," Olivia said. "If you want … or are done at your daughter's."

Eileen gave a small smile. "I think we'd like that," she said. "You're having a nice Christmas here. It's different. It's warmer."

And she thought that was the right word for it. Even in the awkwardness and the mild chill that came with some of the difficult conversation they were navigating – there was a warmness to it. It just felt right. It felt like the simpler Christmases she'd known long ago – and she liked that. She wanted to be a part of that – and to watch how the rest of it played out.


	10. Chapter 10

**Title: Bombshell**

**Author: ZombieJazz**

**Fandom: Law & Order: SVU**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them. Law and Order SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The characters of Jack and Benji have been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.**

**Summary: A future chapter of Welcome Home. Olivia and Cragen have a conversation about her sons and her future in SVU. Set around Jack's birthday/Christmas. This is a flash forward and will later be moved/added to Welcome Home when it catches up to this point.**

**Author's Notes: This AU series is for SVU fans and readers who want Olivia to have something that resembles a more normal life outside of work and a family of her own - hopefully somewhat realistically within the canon of SVU. Most of the chapters will ultimately take place outside of the work environment, so there aren't going to be too many references to cases from the show. But this story would generally be starting in about Season 15 of the show. Please let me know what you think and if you distribute elsewhere.**

**WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS FOR READERS OF "WELCOME HOME". THIS IS A FUTURE CHAPTER TO 'WELCOME HOME' THAT WILL BE ADDED WHEN THE STORY CATCHES UP TO THAT POINT IN THE TIMELINE. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ IT OUT OF SEQUENCE — JUST WAIT AND EVENTUALLY THIS WILL APPEAR AS A CHAPTER IN THE WH STORY.**

Olivia hugged her little boy to her tightly from where he was sitting in her lap, starting to pick at the tape on another present. She bent her head and again pressed her lips against his side of his head. He hardly even registered the affection and continued to work at the wrapping paper.

They'd managed to determine that if Benji was opening a gift at the same time as his brother, he seemed more willing to participate. It meant they were going through the gifts a little faster than their previous Christmas but she didn't really care. She was still getting to spend time with her family and boys. It didn't matter the sequence in which they were opening presents. And, even if they were going through the actual presents more like two at the time rather than one, after the boys got them open they were still slowing down as they examined the gifts. Especially Benji.

Olivia had relented in letting him open the "big prezzie!" She'd thought maybe getting him to open one gift might get him to actually pariticpate in the gift-unwrapping without them having to wait hours between gifts. She didn't really care if getting Benji to open presents took her entire week off – but at the same time, she also really didn't want Christmas clutter spread across her apartment for weeks. The lead up to the holidays had been enough. It could be out for about a week more – and then she thought she was going to be more than ready to reclaim some of the space in their already cramped space.

Benji had been pretty thrilled with his easel. Though, he'd been confused at first. He thought she'd just borrowed it from his classroom for him to play with over the break. After he'd managed to comprehend that – 'No, Little Fox, this is your own easel. For home. For always.' – he'd pretty much lost it. He'd been very excited and of course they were having to get it out of the box. And, also, of course, the thing needed some assembly and Benji was completely restless about that as she fiddled with it while Brian and Jack kept trying to take over like she was some sort of incompetent woman who couldn't handle a few screws on a children's toy.

Benji had set about unpacking all the painting supplies that came with the set. Paints, paint cups, chalk, easer, dry easer markers, a variety of brushes and clips and a paper roll. He'd been even more excited when he realized his easel had a whiteboard on one-side and a chalkboard on the other. He'd already trying to draw on it while she was still working at putting together the thing for him. And, the artist's apron? Well – that had gone on and it hadn't yet come off. She wasn't sure how much the thing was going to protect his clothes or the rest of the apartment from his painting efforts if this had just become a new dress-up accessory. But for the moment – she wasn't arguing with him about it. She was loving it about him and clutching at him in her crossed legs while he finally managed to get the next gift open.

She glanced over at Jack to make sure he'd gotten the paper off his box too. He had and was sitting patiently looking at them – waiting for his brother to be ready to dig in.

"You ready, Little Fox?" she asked gently and he looked up at her with big eyes and then looked at Jack.

"Peedg gonna open too?"

"Yea, Jamin, I'm ready," Jack said.

Olivia gave Jack a little nod and he started to lift the lid on the box and push a way the tissue paper. He was already shooting her a smile before he even lifted out the striped sweater to admire it.

It wasn't something she likely would've picked out for him on her own accord. It didn't really seem what she had come to consider Jack's style – even when he was trying to expand his style beyond skater gear and try to 'fit in' more. This definitely looked like something some preppy kid shopping in J. Crew would end up with. Not exactly how she defined her son – at all. But she'd been watching some of the different clothes he was looking at when they'd been out picking out a Christmas outing outfit and a new shirt for church.

Jack tried to be so discrete when he was looking at things. He refused to ask for anything. He was so hesitant to tell her things he liked – or wanted. About the only time she got a rambling list of things he 'wanted' was when he was off on some sort of spew about skateboarding hardware. But that fell well outside her wheelhouse – even with Gecko's help. It was Jack's hobby. He knew what he liked, wanted, and needed. She wasn't going to invest all that money into that kind of stuff only to have gotten the wrong – or inferior – thing. And, she also knew when he went on one of those spews, he didn't even know he was giving a 'want' list. He was just talking. He was getting excited and passionate about one of the things he got excited and passionate about. But getting him to pick some clothes or give some Christmas or birthday ideas – that was a different story.

But even despite that – even with the absolute kind of over practicality she'd gone with in a lot of the boys' gifts that year – Jack had been very grateful. The other gift he'd gotten to open so far that morning from her was an electric razor. She knew it wasn't exactly a thrilling present. But it was something he'd mentioned in passing months ago and it was something she thought he could use. And, she'd splurged and not only gotten him a wireless one – but a waterproof one. Because she knew how her son thought – or didn't think. He would've been taking the thing in the shower whether it was wireless or not. He already did his shaving in the shower as far as she could tell. He likely wouldn't have clued in that maybe he shouldn't be taking an electric one into the water if it wasn't designed for that. As smart as he was – he was dense sometimes.

Still, it had meant when he showed even a passing interest in the sweater, she'd taken note – even if it wasn't something she likely would've gravitated towards for him. Since when did her son wear colors that weren't black, grey or blue? Especially multiple colors depicted in stripes? But, from the smile on his face, it was a good call she'd made note of his seeming attraction to it.

"Thanks, Mom," he said, still looking at it.

Olivia gave some small nod. "There's some other stuff in the box," she encouraged, nudging him towards taking a look at the more mundane skate tshirt, some new socks and a pair of jeans she'd thrown in that box to give him something that resembled a new outfit for the winter.

She was most worried about the jeans. Jack was incredibly unco-operative about picking and trying on pants even when she offered to be the one paying for them. And, if she just gave him money and didn't accompany him – he clearly didn't try the things on, just picked a size that he thought would fit. His definition of appropriate sizing – though improving – was still significantly skewed. He always ended up with things that were far too baggy – even when he was going for baggy. And he had absolutely no clue about how different cuts fit or what they even looked like. It was all the same to him. He was going to be a chore for a future girlfriend or wife. But she also didn't think Jack would care in the least if a gilfriend or wife was dressing him – as long as they weren't trying to change him in the process. But if they wanted to be picking and buying his clothing and educating him on what kept him from looking like a complete slob or hobo? He'd likely be open to that.

Still, Olivia found picking out clothes – particularly pants – for him to be difficult. Especially when he wasn't with her. But it was usually faster to go and pick the clothes herself than to try to do battle with him. She suspected that Jack was worse than a teenaged fashionita when it came to shopping. Not because he liked to shop – he hated it. But because he had no idea what he wanted, what he liked, what looked good (or would look good on him). He'd stand and stare at a rack for an entirety and look like a deer in headlights if she let him. So she'd taken to just picking up some things for him herself when it came to getting him clothes that she was willing to pay for. Thankfully that'd only been a handful of times so far in her parenthood of a young man. And, she sort of hoped that by the time he was 21 – she'd decide she really didn't need to be instructing her son – a grown man – on his wardrobe. But she was probably kidding herself. There'd likely be birthday and Christmas clothing purchases for the foreseeable future – at least until he was 25 or so … or worse … until she got him paired off with some poor, unsuspecting girl.

She'd ultimately decided it was better just to pick a pair of jeans that she thought would be a flattering cut and fit on him and then return them if they didn't fit appropreiately. Though, she knew no matter how they fit – unless they were too small – Jack would think they were fine. She wouldn't. She'd be taking them back. So hopefully he tried them on sooner rather than later. Though, she also knew that he'd likely go and change into the new clothes at the first chance available. That was just Jack. He got excited about new things. It was still such a foreign concept to him.

She was sure that Jay likely bought new things for his children. Though, the options were likely somewhat limited in shopping in their immediate area while growing up and she somehow didn't see Jay as an online shopper. And based on the lack of sizing sensibility Jack had – she really suspected Jay didn't have a clue about it either and had attired his son and daughter in whatever. Better for them to grow into it than outgrow it too quickly? She could appreciate that too a point too. She certainly tried to buy Benji things that he hopefully wouldn't be growing out of in two months. Though, she didn't think that was too much of a problem right now. His growth seemed a little stunted. After putting on a bit of height over the spring and summer, he was all at a standstill that fall. Though, apparently that was normal too. That he'd have another growth spurt soon enough. Not that those reassurances meant she didn't worry anyways.

"What'd you get, Benj?" she asked and looked back to her little boy, who seemed much more interested in feeling the tissue paper between his fingers and with tossing the ribbon from on top of the parcel back-and-forth with Brian.

Brian had been really good with the kids that morning. She'd been a little concerned about how it might go. She wasn't sure they were at the point in their relationship that having him there for Christmas was the best idea. It might've been OK if it was just them. But she also wondered what their relationship would look like at all if it was just them? She thought they'd likely still have one but that they'd probably be living pretty separate lives. Not that they didn't do that anyways but the boys seemed to be a really unifying factor – even though they could also be a dividing one when she weighed them into the equation – sometimes too much in Brian's opinion. And, they'd definitely been part of the equation when she'd decided about how to do Christmas. But it'd actually been Benji who had pretty much made the decision for her. He was the one who'd started making statements that just assumed that Brian would be there. And, then not long after that Jack had made a comment about if he should get something for Brian for Christmas and what he was thinking of getting for the man. The reality was if the boys were the ones broaching it – if they were comfortable enough with the idea and with him – then she wasn't going to tread on that progress.

She'd kind of wanted him there anyway. Brian being around that fall – though, not without its own frustrations and complications – had brought a further sense of normalcy to her life. It was nice to have another set of hands and someone else to lean on when it came to juggling schedules and raising two boys. Even though Brian was Brian – he was fairly dependable. And on the nights that he was over – when she reached the point to relax enough to give him a key to the apartment – it was nice to have someone to go home to. For her and Benji to not walk into an empty apartment after work and kindergarten and his after-school daycare. To walk into an apartment that already smelled of dinner and to have someone there to deflect Benji antics so she could spool down for a few minutes before eating. To have someone to spew her day and frustrations at. Some days it was even nice when Brian called when he was leaving work to see how much longer she was going to be stuck in the squad and asked if she wanted him to pick up her son from the precinct daycare and take him home for her. Though, it'd taken a bit for her to take him up on that offer – she'd been nervous about it on so many levels – she'd been glad she had. Because then not only did she arrive home to a man and dinner – she usually got home to a little boy who'd already been calmed from his day and had settled into his nighttime routine that she could actually enjoy with him rather than being the one to push him through every step of the process. Sometimes dinner, bath-time and pajamas had even already been taken care of and all she had to do was lounge in bed with her little boy for a while and cuddle and giggle and read him stories before kissing him goodnight. And having that break – and getting some of the easier, more rewarding parts of motherhood handed to her on a platter without all the interim struggles – was pretty damn nice.

Brian was good with the boys. She didn't really like to admit it. Sometimes she didn't want to admit it because it made her think about things a little too much. But he had this quiet hands-off approach that she appreciated. He didn't wade into areas that she didn't want him too. And even though he sometimes gave her his unsolicited opinion on parenting techniques or how to deal with one of the boys or situation – he never did so in front of the boys. He was gruff – but that was just Brian. Any nervousness that either of the boys seemed to have about his rough-around-the-edges demeanor had faded over the months – particularly with Benji. Jack still sometimes gave him looks or death-stares if he didn't appreciate something the man was saying or doing. But that's about as close as they ever got to any sort of feud. It worked. For the most part.

Even when she sometimes still had her hesitations about him being over or around – like the previous night when he'd been in a bit of a grouch when he'd arrive – he usually adjusted himself if she said something. He had last night and they'd managed to share a nice evening with the boys and an even nicer – and somewhat expected – evening together after the boys finally went to sleep. And, things were going even smoother and nicer that morning.

It just felt relaxed. Even though Cragen calling and saying he and Eileen would be stopping by in the morning had thrown her off a bit – she was glad when they'd arrived. It'd felt surprisingly natural when they had gotten in the door. It felt nice. It sort of felt like what she might've always imagined having Christmas with a family might be supposed to feel like. It was just nice.

It was like what she might've imagined having her mother – or parents – over for a visit on the holidays might be like. It was like she might've imagined it would be like for her boys to have grandparents who wanted to visit with them and see them on Christmas Day. It'd been breakfast and a chat and some presents. Brian had again excelled at maintaining quiet chatter even if that wasn't something he particularly wanted to do. But he'd been polite. Though, he usually was with Cragen. He respected Cragen – and that went along way with Cass.

Benji had still refused to open the gift that the Captain and Eileen had brought. But Eileen seemed to just use that as a reason to indicate that they'd stop by again later in the day to see if Benji was ready to open it yet. So they'd be having some additional company for dinner. But Olivia thought she was OK with that. In fact, she thought she really liked that idea.

"It a dino hoodie," Benji declared as he pulled the fleece out of the box and held it at her.

She gave him a smile and a little nod. "It is," she agreed, as she took it from him and held it more for him to see. "So you can dress up as a dinosaur." Benji nodded hard and grabbed at it but she riffled some of the other tissue paper around. "What else is in there, Benj?" She asked instead – starting to get him prepped for the idea that these were clothes she'd be making him put on at some point that day – preferably before all their company got there.

"Socks," he said and held up the new items at her. She didn't know anyone could go through socks so fast – but having boys in her life had definitely taught her that you ALWAYS needed new socks. She didn't know what either of them did with htem half the time or if it really was true that the laundry machine ate them or the dryer had some sort of sock vortex. She'd believe any of those statements at that point.

"Yes," she agreed and tapped at the rest of the fabric in the box that he didn't seem too interested in looking at. He seemed more interested in now trying to pull the zip-up hoodie over his head (and his apron) and being a dinosaur. So she just went ahead at unpacking the rest of the clothes for him. "And, you've got a nice T-Rex tshirt."

"Like Opt-tim-us," he said as he flailed his arms around in her lap, nearly striking her in the face. Brian leaned over and pulled the jacket into place for him and flipped the hood up over his head, making a small growling sound that she knew he'd never do if other people were in the apartment in that moment but one that elicited a giggle from Benji who returned the roar, gnashing his teeth and holding up T-Rex claws.

"And jeans, like Jack's," she said, though Benji was definitely not listening at this point. He'd pulled himself out of her lap and was starting to stomp around the room like a T-Rex, going and retrieving his DinoBot Rescue Bot again and taking it with him him on the mission, pressing the roar button and roaring right along with it – shoving it in each of their faces as he did so.

"And, a nice stripped sweater too," she said, holding it up to show him as he did the roar in her face. The whole purpose of the gift had been to have both of her boys in new sweaters by Christmas dinner. She wasn't sure how co-operative Benji was going to be with that. "So … you can wear your hoodie for today and then we'll change into the sweater when Auntie Alex gets here."

Benji just ignored her – continuing on with his roaring campaign to Brian.

"Hey," Brian said as Benji pressed the button again, "say thanks to your ma for the gift."

Benji turned and looked at her. He had a big smile on his face. He hadn't been trying to be rude. He was just being a little boy. Clothes were only so exciting. "Tank you, Mommy."

"You're welcome, Little Fox," she allowed.

"Brian hasn't opened anything yet," Jack declared, apparently done looking at his clothes – or at least distracted from it by Benji's antics. He sat up on his knees and leaned to dig through the gifts under the tree and held up a package at Brian. "Here."

Brian reached to take it – though he looked a little embarrassed. He'd already expressed some trepidation to her that he felt awkward about there being multiple gifts for him. Also not something he was particularly used to – and especially when he knew she'd been involved in their selection and paying, and even more especially when he'd adhered to her 'we shouldn't be getting elaborate things for each other, we haven't been together long enough' rule. Though, she thought he'd likely done more than enough. There was a gift to her from him under the tree – she'd already seen it and he'd helped Jack with her stocking. She didn't need – or want – him to be dong anything too crazy. So she'd just assured him that the gifts from the boys had been things that the boys had picked – not her. And, though, she'd paid for Benji's selection – she'd had nothing to do with Jack's gift buying.

Olivia was actually kind of curious to see what Jack had settled on with Brian. He'd asked her ridiculous questions that he expected her to know the answers to. What tools Brian had. What video games he had. Because those were areas that she paid any attention to.

"You've been at his apartment and his cabin!" Jack had protested when she'd expressed she had absolutely no idea.

She'd been tempted to tell him that she really didn't spend time poking around his living room when they were at his place. The limited times they were at Brian's place it was almost purely for sex. Maybe – just maybe – they might order some food before or after the sex. On the even more limited times she actually stayed overnight, he might make her breakfast – but at Brian's place that usually consisted of him providing a piece of fruit and a coffee. If she was particularly lucky, he might have some bread for toast in the place. Needless to say, now that they'd crossed the threshold of having sex at her place and with Benji sleeping across the apartment – she was much more likely to opt going home than subjecting herself to what Brian called home.

But those were answers that Jack didn't want to hear. And, thankfully he didn't need to hear them. After he'd huffed at her a bit, he'd indicated he'd figure it out himself. She was curious to see what that looked like.

Unfortunately, Benji was not. As soon as he saw Brian taking Jack's gift, he was diving under the tree looking for the one from him. Benji knew where every present was. He spent so much time looking at the bows and the tags. He'd retrieved it and was shoving it in Brian's face almost instantaneously.

"OPEN MINE BUY-IN!" he near yelled.

Brian gently pushed his arm down so the package wasn't an inch from his eyes. "Big Man, don't shove stuff in my face. Jack handed me this first. I'll open yours next."

"NO!" Benji said and shoved the box back into his face.

"Big Man," Brian said a bit more sternly and again pushed his arm away from him, this time moving his head a bit. He was likely going near cross-eyed from how close the thing was at his nose.

"It's OK," Jack sighed – again in his cordially attitude he was depicting that day and really that whole month. "You can open his first. I'll give Mom hers after instead."

Brian looked at her for some guidance but she just shrugged. She really didn't care what order the gifts were opened in. Especially now. Her only objective that morning had been to get the boys to open their sweaters before dinner and company. Mission accomplished. The rest didn't really matter at this point. Even them not getting to their clothing gifts wouldn't have been a disaster. Both Alex and Brian's mom had seen them in much more disarray than that. So had Cragen and she was sure Eileen with children and grandchildren knew the disaster that were boys well too.

Brian gave a little sigh. She wasn't sure if maybe he was more interested in Jack's? But he set the teen's pro-offered gift down and took Benji's. The little boy immediately threw himself into Brian's lap as he did so. The man made an oft sound as he did.

"Ben, you've gotta be careful tossing yourself at people like that. You're getting big," Brian muttered but was already picking at the paper while Benji watched with delight.

Brian got the paper off the gift much faster than either of the boys did with their careful and cautious unwrapping. He let out a small laugh as he did and cast her a look. Benji was already grabbing the box from him and holding it up for himself to examine.

"SEE, BUY-IN! IT TRANSFORMER! It all the cartoons! Not Rescue Bots! Real Transformers! Now we can watch them all!" Benji said and sat examining the back of the DVD set with great interest.

Jack sat forward to look too. "Is it the original series?" he asked.

Brian leaned over Benji's shoulder and tried to read the back of the box too. "I think so," he said. "I didn't really get a chance to look."

"It is," Olivia assured. "The seasons from the '80s."

Brian let out another small noise and leaned towards her. She met him halfway and they exchanged a small peck of a kiss. Neither of the boys said anything – another Christmas miracle.

"Thanks, babe," Brian said quietly. She just gave him a small smile.

"I PICK IT, BUY-IN!" Benji protested.

Brian gave him a gentle shake and pulled him a bit closer to his chest. "Thanks, Big Man," he assured. "Lookin' forward to watchin' it with ya. Maybe we'll get in a couple episodes this afternoon."

"Not while there's company over," Olivia said flatly.

He just gave her a look. "Tight ass," he said under his breath. She knew it was meant only for her to hear and the boys again didn't react. Brian sometimes put too much effort into making sure she knew he appreciated her middle-aged body possibly more than he'd liked her 30-something one. Tight ass wasn't meant as an insult.

Jack normally would've made a face or comment if he'd heard but he either hadn't heard or hadn't cared. She thought he was likely distracted by the cartoons too. He was leaning closer and closer to the other two boys.

"Can I look?" he asked.

Brian gave a small nod and extracted it from Benji's hands and handed to it Jack who looked at it with some fascination.

"Oh, man," he muttered. "This is 15 discs! A hundred episodes? This is going to be awesome." He looked at Brian pleadingly. "You have to watch this here?"

"Yea, Kid," he agreed. "Don't worry. I'm not going to be sitting at home watching it alone. I'm not that level of pathetic."

Jack gave him a face and went back to reading the box with just as much interest as Benji had been. Olivia was starting to think that the cartoon boxset had been more a gift to her boys than Brian. But she pretty much already expected that. Them spending time together and not arguing was a gift to her – especially if they were still and quiet at the same time. And, Brian liked being allowed to spend time with the boys. Though, he'd likely have opted for it to be in some sort of activity rather than TV but he'd get a chance for that on his days off too.

"Thought you had something for your ma to open?" Brian encouraged – apparently picking up that the kids were about to burrow into another black hole with the introduction of the new gift in the room. It was only a matter of seconds before they were peeling the plastic off the box and wanting to put one of the discs in right that instant.

Jack nodded, though, and handed the boxset back to Benji, as he leaned forward again and dug under the tree for a moment. He then handed her a long wrapped tube that almost unmistakably looked like one of the tubes that he carried his various drafts and other drawings and projects in. She'd seen it under the tree but had been confused by it at the time. She hadn't realized that it was for her – unlike Benji she hadn't been crawling around under there looking at the tags on the presents. She'd sort of suspected that it might've been for Alex or Cragen from Jack – some copy of one of his architecture projects, of which they'd both expressed some interest in after seeing the framed results in the family's apartment. Olivia loved having the boys' work on her walls – but she wasn't sure she really needed another architecture design in her living room.

Still, she knew she should only expect so much for Christmas. She'd given Jack strict orders about how much he should be spending – or rather how much he shouldn't be spending – on Christmas. And she knew that if he'd listened most of that should've been eaten up with buying his brother a gift and giving some small contributions to her and Alex's stocking. She didn't want and didn't expect a big gift from him. He'd already likely over spent based on the hoodie that he'd begged her to open earlier in the morning. Though, that one had been labeled as being from both her Growling Fox and her Little Fox. And, she knew it was from Funky's and Jack would've gotten his staff discount and Gecko may even have thrown in some other price cut when/if Jack had said it was for her - by deciding the thing had some sort of defect – like a small invisible pulled thread.

And, even beyond that – she knew that there was very little that Jack could ever do that would top the previous Christmas. Receiving the gaudy photo frame that officially christened her as a mom and the photos of her Little Fox was more than she could've ever asked for. She didn't know what more he could ever do or she could ever really want from either of her children.

Still, she gave him a small smile and started working at picking at the tape.

"It's kind of for both you and Jamin," Jack said. "But it's from both of us too."

She gave him another questioning look but allowed, "OK…"

She got the paper off and it definitely was one of his plastic drafters tubes all wrapped up. She cast him another look but popped the lid off and gazed inside. She could see several pieces of rolled paper.

"You want help getting them out?" Jack asked.

She nodded and handed it to him. "You better," she agreed. She didn't want to damage anything with shuffling the papers out.

But Jack did it expertly. He had lots of practice. And within moments he was handing the slightly curled pile of papers to her.

Olivia unrolled them and she felt a smile tugging across her face before she'd even fully spread out the sheet of paper. The top page had the Toy Story characters staring at her in fully action. She lifted it to the next page to find the Cars characters. She shot Jack a smile that was filling her face.

"You drew these?" she asked.

He nodded. "And painted," he said. "It's from that kit from Disney. The trip."

She gave him a more gentle smile and flipped to the next sheets. There were little square drawings of each of the characters from the Pixar movies. Bright and colorful and action-packed. And all done in the artistic hands of her son.

"I thought you could get them framed and put them up here," he said and gestured in behind the tree and to the general vicinity of Benji's toy organizer.

Olivia smiled again and gave a nod. "I will definitely be framing them and getting them upon the wall," she agreed. "They're fantastic, Jack. Benj, did you see what Peedg drew for us?"

Benji looked over and then crawled over. "I helped draw too, Mommy," he said.

"You helped draw too?" she asked.

Jack gave a nod and reached to lift to the last two drawings. "It's from both of us," he said.

She looked down again and the smile tugged even more at her cheeks. Benji's composition of his family as foxes from the beginning of the school year was in the pile and sitting under it was an intricately artistic design of a blooming tree – a family tree with meticulously drawn letting that spelled out: "To everything there is a season: A time to be born; a time to die. A time to plant; A time to heal." And then in even fancier calligraphy that she didn't even know that a boy – a young man – could be capable of without a concentrated effort, there was in beautiful lettering: BENSON at the bottom.

"I thought maybe those ones might be good for your room or something," Jack suggested.

But Olivia shook her head and reached and touched his cheek. "No," she said. "These ones are for our family room."

And, she already knew she'd be buying a three-slot frame and not just framing her son's artistic renditions of their family but would be having a shot of her little clan blown up to go in the frame too.

Her boys were the biggest gift of all. She didn't think they could be topped. Though, Jack did pretty good at finding ways to let her show off her pride and her love of them and their little band of misfits that fit just find in the Benson household: Christmas Day and any other.


End file.
